Time for Footy: Euro 2008 -- A Journey into Savvy Soccer Selections

Guest Post by Coachie Ballgames of Shea Hey!

Hi there Frownie Faithful! It's your boy Coachie Ballgames checking in with the hot footy action you've all been craving.

What's that you say? Euro Footy not so popular in America's heartland? What about the long-lost Cleveland Stokers of the old NASL? What about the manly Crew getting it done in C-Bus as we speak? What about the literally hundreds of fans packing Cleveland State's Krenzler's Field to see their beloved City Stars in action?

Ok, enough already, Frowns didn't invite me over here to discuss the state of Ohio footy but rather to share my thoughts of action on this week's euro footy action.

Today's game pits Germany against Turkey, or Deutschland against Turkiye as they would prefer to be called, in the inaugural Mass-Murderers Bowl. The latest odds show the Germans at 4/9 to win, Turkey the decided underdogs at 7/1 whilst impartial observers may want to take the tie at 3/1 (games that end in a shootout are officially considered a draw). Your over/under, as usual is 2.5, for it is such a fine line between two and three goals being scored in a game.

Turkey will be missing as many as nine players through suspension and injury and could arrive at the stadium today with just 13 available outfield players. Meanwhile, Germany's best players, Michael Ballack, Lukas Podolski, Bastian Schweinsteiger, and Jens Lehmann are flying as high as the Luftwaffe.

Turkey's lack of squad depth implies that they will play back in the box, as Italy did against Spain under similar circumstances. One of the more astounding stats about Turkey's run thus far is that they have played 390 minutes of football and have had the lead for all of 9 minutes of them. Germany will have a tough time finding space for their impressive wingers, and without the size advantage they enjoyed against Portugal, will not find things as easy on set pieces from which they have scored three goals thus far this tourney.

Moreover, games, and "squeaky bums" as Sir Alex Ferguson puts it, get tighter in the final stages of a tournament. So take the under and run for cover. Maybe the Pros are right in thinking of O/U action as minor or ancillary to proper picking in other sports, but the O/U seems perfect for footy because goals are so rare.

As for the winner, we'll take a page from Frowns’ book and look at the x-factors. Both countries spent time during the first half of the 20th century attempting to annihilate an entire group of people. The Germans went about their attempt in typically well-organized and complex-engineered German fashion, while the Turks went about theirs, typically, brutally and haphazardly.

Thankfully, the Germans were made to pay the price, through the prosecution and punishment of the masterminds, through reparations, through education and proper teaching of its history, and in the great pains the country and its people have made to make amends. Turkey, however, was never made to pay any price and has gone to great lengths, more than 90 years later, to completely disavow that anything remotely wrong ever took place. Proving George Santayana right, Turkey has moved on to f*cking with the Kurds in its eastern territories.

Turkey's membership in the European Union has been held up over its human rights record and concern over its growing anti-secularism. Instead of addressing its past and solving its current problems, Turkey has chosen instead to put lipstick on a pig by attempting to cast a new image for itself in the west. To that end, they’ve adopted new alternate footy jerseys of white and turquoise and have embarked on a campaign to have their country referred to as Turkiye, as they call their own land, instead of Turkey, because of that word's perceived negative relation to that lean, dry, but tasty 1/3 of a Terducken in English. Understandable goal, but seems like they’re putting the cart before the horse.

Let's roll with the repentant Germans over the obdurate Turks at 1-nil.

Ed’s note: We appreciate that obduracy has its place in certain instances, but this pick sounds good to us. The Pick: We’ll go with the Germans to win at 4-9.

Check back for a preview of tomorrow’s Spain/Russia match, and check out Shea Hey! for regular reports on The Beautiful Game.