2008 Cleveland Frowns Person of the Year Nominee: Latarian Milton

If you haven’t met Latarian Milton of Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, you are in for a treat.

A local news report starts with an understatement: “Latarian Milton is not your typical seven year old, [because] few his age have ever driven an SUV up and down several busy streets.” As far as we know, Latarian might be the only one who has done so for several miles, with only so much as another seven-year old in the car to supervise. This joyride was not without casualties, as according to the report, Latarian “hit two mailboxes, hit two parked cars in a Cosco parking lot, and struck two moving cars near Wal-Mart.” But it’s not the mistakes we make that count, it’s how we react to them. Young Milton’s explanation for and reaction to this “incident” clearly demonstrates that his unquenchable lust for life coupled with his finely-tuned sense of justice and willingness to see it through makes him a leading candidate to be the first governor of history’s first real utopian society, and certainly a candidate for the 2008 Cleveland Frowns Person of the Year Award.

Photographic evidence of the young man’s excellence starts here (and directly below). Please review this two minute video carefully.



First we see that Latarian had excellent reasons for embarking on his voyage. He first explains that he “took [his] grandma’s car because [he] got mad at [his] mom,” which seems fair enough by itself, because grandmas generally rank higher than moms in the family chain of authority and must certainly bear some responsibility for moms’ actions. But this argument is unnecessary because Latarian then tells us that he had an even better reason for taking grandma’s car -- he had a friend over, and that friend “smokes with cigarettes.” A seven-year old who smokes with cigarettes is impressive. One of the very few things that could top that would be a spin in grandma’s Durango, so that’s what Young Milton did, going to the greatest lengths to conform to the ancient rule of “one good turn deserves another.” We should all have such good friends.

Even more impressive is the way that Milton didn’t crack when police officers and local news reporters attempted to break him down. He told them, simply and unwaveringly: “I wanted to do it because it was fun. It’s fun to do bad things.” Here, Milton obviously means that it’s fun to do fun things, and subtly makes the point that in today’s topsy-turvy world, “fun” is all too often held to be the equivalent of “bad” -- especially by meddling police officers, officious news reporters, and parents who are too lazy to properly raise their children.

Milton held up even stronger when the reporter went for a cheap shot by asking him, “[d]id you know that you could perhaps kill somebody?” Milton’s response: “Yes, but I wanted to do hoodrat stuff with my friend.” This is Milton’s reaffirmation of the basic principles of “one good turn deserves another,” and “it’s fun to do fun things.” Milton, confident in his driving skills, knew that he wasn’t going to kill anyone. He also knows that one has to break a few eggs to make an omelette. A few nicks and scrapes to some vehicles and mailboxes, maybe a whole weekend without video games? A small price to pay for the chance to simultaneously mete out justice to his mother and grandmother, and more importantly, earn the friendship and respect of not only the seven-year old who smokes with cigarettes, but also a number of others who were surely impressed by this episode.

We’d like to think that every seven-year old would make the same choices when confronted with the same incentives, but few if any seven-year olds are as aware as Latarian Milton is of the opportunities that exist for them. What we find so troubling is that the state of Florida seeks to punish Milton for this brilliance. This bad news is contained in this two minute follow-up news report on Milton (also directly below), stemming from an incident that occurred at a local Wal-Mart: “The problem began when Latarian asked his grandmother to buy him some chicken wings. She said no, he got mad, and walked over and ordered them anyway. [Such initiative!] When his grandmother[, Vikitta Stratford,] confronted him about it, Latarian snapped.” He began hitting his grandmother, “[in her] stomach, in [her] legs, wherever he could reach [her] that’s where he would hit [her].”



This sounds to us like a typical temper tantrum of a seven-year old, the source of which is easily explained by Milton’s grandmother himself, who appears not to have been seriously injured in the incident: “I know what causes this behavior because all he’s ever seen was his parents do physical, abusive, and verbal things . . .” Yet the state has intervened. They picked up Latarian from his home and took him to the hospital for a mental evaluation. Even worse, they are pursuing charges of grand theft against him, because “they want to get him into the system and get him some kind of help.”

By all appearances in these two videos, this rush to get Latarian Milton “in the system” is a ridiculous overreaction of the sort that probably happens all too frequently. Yet, apparently out of misguided love for her grandson, Ms. Stratford is OK with the state’s involvement here: “I don’t want him to continue in this direction, so I’m doing the best I can to get him help.” The report goes on to tell us that Ms. Stratford “hopes that health officials can diagnose the problem, and help him get the proper kind of help.” Here’s a diagnosis for Ms. Stratford and for state health officials: Latarian Milton is a bright seven-year old who comes from a tough background. That’s not a problem that needs to be diagnosed, it’s a life that needs to be lived and learned from. We admire Ms. Stratford for taking custody of her grandson from his parents. He is obviously gifted, and must be on a better track in her care. It looks like all he needs is some more enforced discipline. Some time in his room, without video games. Maybe even a spanking. What he does not need is for people to make him feel that he is weird, or “systematically” bad. It seems impossible that involvement in “the system,” which should be an emergency measure, won’t make him feel this way. It seems further impossible that the state bureaucracy can give Milton the simple yet fundamental kind of attention that he needs. To the extent that we’re correct about this, we hope that this nomination for our 2008 Person of the Year award may undo at least some of the damage that the state has done, or will do, so that Latarian Milton’s bright light may continue to shine forth as it should.

Thanks to Gregory Urbano of CBSSportsline.com for bringing this story to our attention.