by Cleveland Frowns on June 14, 2011


Executive Department




WHEREAS, LeBron James is a professional basketball player in the National Basketball Association (“NBA”) and one of the greatest athletic talents in recorded world history, who was born and raised in Akron, Ohio, and who played the first seven years of his NBA career in Cleveland, Ohio for the Cleveland Cavaliers franchise, such seven years having been the most thrilling and rewarding seven years that fans of a basketball team could hope to enjoy absent a championship victory; and

WHEREAS, LeBron James made a “Decision” to leave the employ of the Cleveland Cavaliers for that of the Miami Heat franchise, thus breaching express and implied promises to the people of Northeast Ohio and others that he would lead the Cavaliers to an NBA championship and make Cleveland “light up like [Las] Vegas[, Nevada]”; and

WHEREAS, no remotely sane person could characterize the execution of James’ “Decision” as anything other than a complete failure, also, incredibly sad and a tragedy; and

WHEREAS, seven years of undiluted obsequiousness on the part of the local and national press, the Cavaliers’ front office, and the rest of any number of sycophants that surrounded James from the moment he became an instant hundred millionaire at the age of eighteen could not have failed to have had a significant negative impact on James’ ability to correctly respond to the circumstances that gave rise to the Decision, nor could having been born in poverty to a homeless, crack-addicted single mother; thus the failure represented by the Decision is not that of James alone but also a failure of civilization; and

WHEREAS, the Decision would have remained a complete failure, also, incredibly sad, a tragedy, and no less so no matter which team prevailed in the recently concluded NBA Finals Series between the Dallas Mavericks and Miami Heat; and

WHEREAS, it is the preference of a significant number of remotely sane citizens of the State of Ohio to avoid celebrating failures of civilization or reveling in the personal weaknesses of others.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Peter Pattakos, publisher of the website Cleveland Frowns do hereby name:


as a shameless and feckless hack who will forever be remembered for using the public fisc, whatever portion of any state employee’s time that could have been spent doing anything else, the occasion of an incredibly sad and tragic failure of civilization, and the outcome of one NBA Finals Series to work a cheap political play to pander to a billionaire campaign donor and casino profiteer as well as some of the worst prejudices of certain of his constituents at the expense of understanding said failure and moving The State of Ohio forward in its wake.

What an A-hole.*




  • Fake Skip Bayless

    I would only argue that maybe these aren’t the “worst prejudices” of any of his constituents, but I can be on board with almost all the rest.  If we could do away with the politicization of sports like what Kasich did yesterday and also including any kind of cheesy “Mayor’s bets” where the mayor from New York puts up two of the finest Cheesecakes against the New Orleans mayor’s best bowl of gumbo, while Philly offers up cheesesteaks and Boston its chowder.  It isn’t humanizing, compelling, interesting, funny, original or even partially necessary.

    • Anonymous

      OK, “some of the worst prejudices” then.

      A good old fashioned mayor’s bet is really nothing compared to shameless pandering by way of flagrant reductionism with respect to critically important issues of the day.

  • Titus Pullo

    I was actually quite pleased when I saw what Kasich was up to.

    As he has time for such nonsense as creating proclamations for the Dallas Mavericks, he clearly has solved all of Ohio’s problems – and in such a short time!

    Makes me feel better about having to wake up today to the same life I had before Dallas won.

    • Craig Lyndall

      I agree that Kasich wasted time and dignity on this yesterday, but I simultaneously reject that simplistic notion that if Kasich hadn’t been doing this that he could have solved the state’s issues.  

      Every year when the President pardons a turkey on Thanksgiving the other party says something about how they can’t believe there is time in the day for such nonsense when there are two wars and a tough economy!  I won’t buy into it even if I disagree with what Kasich did yesterday.

      • Anonymous

        I agree that a sound leadership requires handling the wars, turkeys, and the mayor’s bets.

  • Chris Music

    Sadly, Kasich’s actions are par for the course in government nowadays.  Dick Morris devoted basically a whole chapter of his book Fleeced to all the nonsensical resolutions passed by Congress throughout the year.  I believe every team who won a BCS game got one.  It’s remarkable how little Congress actually works over the course of a year!

    • Anonymous

      This is perfect for Kasich. Dude can’t even do the vanilla sports pander right.


    • Anonymous

      especially if your last name is Weiner

  • Anonymous

    i hope this wont turn into a debate about kasich’s politics rather than the rightness or wrongness of the [silly] [pandering] proclamation?  on behalf of those us who agree with the whole smaller government thing, can we keep this discussion on point?  i hope we can agree that questionable uses of elected office occur across party lines.  avoiding potshots at palin, bachmann, et al, would be appreciated too.

    cheers, kanicki

    • Anonymous

      What, you don’t want this to turn into a discussion of the folks that just fast-tracked sending 1,690,000 semi tanker truck trips over our roads through our state parks to inject toulene, benzene, and tons of other secret sauce beneath the water table, so sealed-bid CWA-exempt private companies selected by Kasich’s 3-man board can extract our public natural gas (along with a few hundred million gallons of radioactive chemical slurry) to sell back to us? Me neither. That would be depressing.

      I’ll agree Lebron+Kasich is no way to start my day. I’ve got a better idea. Let’s just quit talking about Lebron themes altogether. We’re now into second order discussions of what other people are talking about and doing in relation to LeQuit. Meta Quitness. It’s too too much.

      I guess it’s just the result of nothing else goi… OH HEY, look at that, first place Tribe plays to stay in the cat-bird seat tonight at 7. Who knew?

      • Ronald

        If they don’t extract “your” natural gas to sell back to you, how do you expect to get it out and use it?

        • Anonymous

          I don’t. Why would I, I get nothing but the costs. Leave it there until you can figure out how to get it out safely without injecting poison into our water and creating traffic, toxic waste, and air quality problems, and THEN ask the people who actually own it if they approve or not directly.

          Typical privatize the gain, socialize the cost. Behind everyone’s backs.

        • Anonymous

          Ronald, it is crazy, I pass wells all of the time where there is a pump pulling up crude oil and at the top there is a large flame where they are just burning off natural gas.
          There is also a very large power plant near me that brings in coal from 1100 miles away to fire the generators and there is more than enough natural gas to power the entire operation within a 30 mile radius of the facility.

    • Yipicya

      Unfortunately that is what this rant is about, and that’s his politics.   If it had been the previous governor, you would see how this was a funny and timely riff on the body politic.

  • Anonymous

    Now that we have a Resolution and no firm start date for either the NBA or NFL, I believe we need a Proclamation to shift our collective attention to the Tribe who desperately need our support!

    • Anonymous

      went to the game last night, great pitching by both teams, hopefully Cookie Carrasco builds some confidence mowing through the Yankees lineup like he did.  Verlander tonight

      • Anonymous

         The amazing thing is that this thin speculative pitching is still pretty much coming up aces. Carrasco looks like a long term stud, Pestano, Tomlin, white in the wings… if they just pay the players they control, I think we’re going into an era of contention. And if Choo and Carlos can start swinging something other than dead walleye, we’ll stay in this thing this year.

        • Anonymous

          hopefully getting Pronk back should help too..   

          • Vari

            That guy is literally always hurt.  

          • Anonymous

            yeah, but his numbers this year are pretty good, and we don’t have anyone who has stepped up yet to produce the type of numbers he’s already put up.. 

          • Anonymous

            Is there any movement on this front? I haven’t heard a peep about when.
            Edit: Answer my own: Possibly this weekend.

          • Anonymous

            should be playing in akron this week and then hopefully back this weekend..  but you’re right, if we could only get Choo and Santana going…  they are too good to be hitting this bad at this point of the season..  

          • Anonymous

            steroids do that to a man.

          • Anonymous


          • Anonymous


          • Anonymous

            Steroids make a man Pronky.

          • Chris P.


            the truth lies halfway between “if you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying” and “if you’re the only player not trying to find whatever edge you can to be better at what you do then everyone gets better at your expense”

            in conclusion, where’s my syringe?

          • michelle

            I’ll have one Pronk Bar from Malley’s Chocolates, please.

          • Anonymous

            Make it a double.

        • Anonymous

          Bupa, they should bunt with dead walleyes.
          It was always my best strategery (props to Dubya). 
           Big, muscular guy steps up to the plate, lay down a bunt and fly to first.  They never expected it.
          We were playing around at a picnic a few years ago and I had an in the park’er by bunting in a kickball game.
          I think that dead walleye bunting could be the next big thing in MLB.
          Although it would soon be ruined by some chump corking his walleye.

          • Anonymous

            I never understand big guys not being willing to learn to bunt or managers not using it. They can have free hits now and then, and you can keep the corners from cheating or shifting and set yourself up better.

            I always hated Gradee Liiideelll because he forbade Thome from bunting to beat the shift. Even on Thome legs, he could easily bat .700 against the shift. Why you gonna let the defense cheat?

    • CleveLandThatILove

      We desperately need a bat, but how nice of a surprise has Michael Brantley been, huh?  #23 may be the new Cleveland hero someday.  Solid as a rock is that kid.

  • Vari
    • Anonymous

      Mo Williams is Jason Terry???  terrible read

      • Vari

        scroll down and read the comments.  guy does a stat breakdown and they are really comparable.

        • Anonymous

          regular season stats maybe, but JT’s playoff numbers blow Mo’s away..   

          and Shaq is Tyson Chandler???     Shaq could barely barely get off the ground, let alone up and down the court and can’t guard the pick and roll for a Galley Boy..  

      • Vari

        Why am I not surprised this garnered a “terrible read” and a “like by Frowns?  I should have clarified and said Good read for Cleveland sports fans.

        • Anonymous

          you are insulting the intelligence of Cleveland sports fans, there is no way that Mo Williams playoff numbers even come close to what Jason Terry did this postseason.  Jason Kidd (a future hall of famer) compared to Delonte West???   and then the best is comparing Shaq to Tyson..  TERRIBLE ARTICLE

          • Anonymous

            JJ Hickson compared to JJ Barea’s clutch shooting??   i mean, i see no comparison whatsoever

          • Vari

            I’m just teasing for christ’s sake!  I know it’s a stretch at that.  It’s a Cleveland sports fan feel good piece.  I know it jocks your precious LeBron.  Mo Williams was as vanishing as LeBron in the playoffs.  Delonte West was a one quarter player.  Shaq was a statue.  Jamison was sure to place a lid on the rim before he shot.  Moon and Parker were busy handing out towels and Gatorade.  Z was doing his best impression of a sad looking great dane and all the Cavs suck except for LeBron James.  I think I have your opinion understood.

          • Vari

            and had the best record in the league in 2009.

          • Vari
          • Anonymous

            another businessman makin a dime off Lebron..  smart!  

  • Chris M

    Honestly, is it possible that he may have had something to do that at least had the appearance of being remotely productive?

    Proclamations for teams from other states in different timezones that win championships?  Perfect.

    I’m going to stay away from the politics part of this, because I don’t want to start a flame war.  But this absolutely f*cking stupid.

  • Anonymous

     i thought the proclamation was awful too, for about a million reasons.  as if the political pandering weren’t bad enough (and it’s bad, especially when comparing this to kasich’s previous statements about lebron and the “decision,” which were positively bathed in frownian apathy – see, e.g., this article in which he was praised for not being a “pandering schmuck” when it came to lebron, the actual proclamation totally misses the point, which is that the decision is awful because of the way in which it was made, not merely because lebron decided to leave (i mean that was awful too, but not in a morally bankrupt sort of way).   also i hate anything that gives the media an excuse to call ohioans babies because anyone in their right mind would choose miami over cleveland, etc. etc. and this dumb proclamation does exactly that.  sigh sigh sigh.   frownie – i like your resolution lots.  but i do think that it matters that miami lost – not because i want to use that fact to hate on lebron, but because i’d like “the decision” story to be a real deal classic tragedy, not just another tragic event in sports gone terribly wrong for cleveland.  and for that to happen – for lebron to become a tragic hero – he has to recognize and own up to what an awful idea the decision was.  and, well, if the heat had won i’m not sure how that process could have even begun (as it is i’m not even sure that process has begun, but we’ll see).   *last – i appreciate that you think other people – gilbert, in particular – have to recognize their culpability regarding the decision, and that as a community we need to recognize that the decision was not merely a personal failure on james’ part.  but in classic tragedies those revelations are typically secondary to the tragic hero’s (which is part of why he gets to be called a hero – he helps everyone else get to self-realization).  

    • Anonymous

      ugh – don’t know why that came off in one huge ugly block – i swear i had paragraphs. 

      • Chris M

        I’m very certain you will never hear him own up to what a bad idea it was.!/Holdenradio/status/80298567889199104

        • Anonymous

          i dunno – i’m still holding out for tragic hero. but yeah – right now it’s
          not looking good.

      • Anonymous

        CFKaP, We don’t need no stinking paragraphs.

        • Anonymous

          i know i know someone teach me how to use this damn edit function lol could
          i be more of a luddite

    • Jim

      I actually think his “proclamation” was a savvy political move. It is no secret Kasich’s numbers are terrible, especially in Democratic controlled Northeast Ohio.  What better way to endear yourself to the portion of the state with the largest segment of voters than by bashing their former hero whom they now love to hate?

      • Chris M

        If he really cared about that at all, he would quit shitting all over teachers and public employee unions.

        • Jim

          That is something he disagrees with politically and is a conservative ideal. Hating Lebron is a bi-partisan endeavor.  

      • Anonymous

        i dunno jim – it definitely didn’t work for ted strickland. you remember
        that awful “stay in cleveland lebron” video he made, right?

      • Anonymous

        i dunno jim – it definitely didn’t work for ted strickland. you remember
        that awful “stay in cleveland lebron” video he made, right?

    • Believelander

      Aka, the hero gets the glory (and the $300+ mil)

      • Anonymous

        Well yeah – wouldn’t you rather have a hero get glory and $300 mill than have an anti-hero spoiled baby get $300 mill?

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  • CleveLandThatILove

    So if I’m following this correctly, then being born in Steeler country, AND being surrounded by politicians for years in the Ohio senate and congress, AND being an Ohio sports fan must have had a significant impact on Kasich’s ability to correctly respond to the circumstances that gave rise to ‘The Resolution.’  Our society has failed him as well. 

  • Victorbarnes55

    Dude, you’re a clown shoe.

    • Anonymous

      Why are you such an A-hole,* Mr. Kasich?


      • Victorbarnes55

        If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.-W.C Fields

        The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves-W.C. FieldsEverybody knows that abstract art can be art, and
        most people know that they may not like it, even if they understand
        there’s another purpose to it.
        -Roy Lichenstein

        Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.-The Microbe

        by Hilaire Belloc


        • Anonymous

          “A facility for quotation covers the absence of original thought.”  -Dorothy Sayers

          • Victorbarnes55

            My point precisely Mr. Frowns; i.e. *Gilbert-ism.

          • Anonymous


  • Anonymous

    Frownie,  I agree with you almost 100% on this post, but there are two small issues.
    1).  While Kasich is a most assuredly a chump for trying to jump into the limelight for no good reason, I am stuck with Rick Perry.  It does not get any worse than Rick Perry.
    2.)  “WHEREAS, no remotely sane person could”
    Do you read the junk we comment and argue about here?  I defy you to find more than three sane people who comment here.  
    Bupa and The Commentator do a good job of faking it, but really, sanity is for people who live in remote, unfettered areas of the world.

    • Anonymous

       I want to go on record denying that I am anything like sane and I apologize if it sometimes appears that way.

    • Chris M

      I’m perfectly sane.  The voices in my head confirm this.

      • CleveLandThatILove

        I’m a psycho.

        • CleveLandThatILove

          Hey, me too!

          • Anonymous

            You’re all the most remotely sane people I know.

          • CleveLandThatILove

            Why, thank you Fr-

            Wait, what?

          • Anonymous

            #sportsshow tonite @ 10:30.  

          • CleveLandThatILove

            Norm rules!

          • Anonymous

            “remotely sane”  This may be a complement, you do work in the Suit and Tie Salt Mines, but I am certain that you meant “remotely sane” like the location where T Pryor will be playing football next year.  
            (I said it before they drafted him.)
            I love the Saskatchewan Rough Riders.
            Trojan is their major sponsor.

  • Anonymous

    and speaking of travesties:,0,3687447.story

     why???????  apparently nd will be wearing these “pseudo-throwback” monstrosities when they play michigan under the  lights on september 10.  sigh.  don’t even click that link – i think it’s better to avert your eyes.  the gold helmets have green shamrocks on them.  sigh sigh sigh.  the shirts are white with kelly green numbers, which means basically nd will be wearing michigan state jerseys.   sigh. 

    i think that’s enough said, but if you’re a glutton for punishment, or an nd hater, go ahead and look. 

    • Chris M

      Meanwhile, those heathens to the north still have a thong on their helmets.

      • Anonymous

        it’s true – those michigan helmets are horrendous. but man. the green
        shamrocks are killing me.

        (apparently nd wore helmets with shamrocks from 1959-1962 so there is some
        precedent, but not all traditions are worth resurrecting: in those years nd
        was 5-5; 2-8; 5-5; and 5-5, respectively.)

        • Chris P.

          Is it true that Ohio State will be wearing Ted DiBiase’s shorts as a throwback to the Clarett championship for the Miami game on 9/17?

          • Smittypop2

            The Million Dollar Man? Badass. FYI Virgil will be at Summit Mall this weekend signing autographs and scaring little kids.

          • Chris P.

            hah, hilarious.

            i’m a while removed from watching wrestling, i just remember black trunks with dollar signs on them.  

  • Anonymous

    lebron has woken up without your problems.

    • Anonymous

      Bitchie Life.

    • Anonymous

      I want to wake up to LBJ’s life.
      Today I woke up with a hangover, no prospects in my funnel and I only got 30% of what I should have received on my pay check.
      LBJ has since retracted it, but he really did come up with a terrific “in your face” for many of us bottom feeding,  lower class, troglodytes.   
      I like it better every time I hear it.  He slammed the common man.

    • Anonymous

      And I will wake up without his.  Closure at last.

  • Chris M

    Since I did plenty of bashing on the Indians when they traded Cliff Lee, it’s only fair that I post this link up about my preferred target at the time, Kyle Drabek.

    Meanwhile, we have Carlos Carrasco.  Yay.

  • Anonymous

    This is great:

  • Jaceczko

    I really feel bad for LeBron. I have a young son who has brought lessons of humility upon himself by making childishly selfish choices, but I would never beat my son up the way people are and have been beating this guy up.

    I would like to be the first to say that if he were still in Cleveland, we would never treat him like people are treating him now, even if he had had the same performance with the Cavs (which he never would have).

    Now that he has the ire and attention of the www 24–7, he’s realizing that he had it way wrong—

    —It was we who were spoiling him.

    And we may have set him up to lose touch with reality by spoiling him like we did, but our love for one of our own would have prevented us from this: the opposite end of the spectrum.

    • Brian

      Wasn’t most of the Cleveland fanbase was FURIOUS after Game 5 last year? I know I was, and I do believe he got booed off the floor. 

      This guy didn’t back up his boasts and words. It’s as simple as that – don’t talk trash if you can’t back it up. People don’t ask for much from their athletes except to compete.

      If he’d killed himself and still lost that series, I don’t think he’d be getting killed so badly. Most of the media had turned back the other way after the Chicago series.

      He mailed it in (again) and – as usual – wouldn’t hold himself accountable. Add all the other spectacle he created on top of it over the past year, and that’s what’s going on right now.

      For once, he needs to blame himself, instead of teammates, owners, media, etc. Of course your son gets a pass – he’s a kid! LeBron’s 26 and out of excuses – gotta back up your tough guy talk.

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  • Ben Weaver

    Hey Governor Kasich,

    Don’t you have more important things to do?  Like taking away the pensions of the state’s teachers, policemen, and fire fighters?

    • Believelander

      Kasich doing this is a pimple on the fat bloated gluteus of the horrible awful stuff that piece of crap is doing/going to do to the people of Ohio. In this instance he does a fair job of giving deadspin/espn material to insult/smear cleveland/ohio (see, look, theyre really all jealous mean psychos because one public figure made a DDDDEEERRRPPP), fortunately making himself look like a wang in the process. Im ready to start a petition to recall this jackass.

      In other news, THANK GOD the cHeat lost, or those lames would be even more insufferable.

  • Matt Evans

    This is a pretty epic fail for this blog.  James’s behavior has been unacceptably rude and the idea that we’re supposed to just “let it slide” is precisely why he felt he could act the way he did.  Governor Kasich – and anyone else who cares to – should be pointing out that LeBron is free to act as he wishes, but that we’re simply not going to stand for it and that there will be consequences for actions like his.

    • Anonymous

      Tell us more about what we should do with the rude people, Mr. Evans. This is interesting.

      • Believelander

        Probably defend them with conveniently one-sided blog posts rife with slander towards a scapegoat team owner who we don’t know and thinly veiled bias towards the rude people, who just happen to be from our hometown.

    • common sense

      “not going to stand for it.” My question is what are you standing for? Pouting and petty prejudices. You stand for petty and a do-nothing owner?  I don’t mind rich athletes or owners. They get what people are willing to pay them. Le Bron has unquestionably made some mistakes between the ages of 18 and 26. I know I did but they weren’t reported on every newspaper (careless words, inconsistent actions, etc). What are you standing for Mr. Evans? Shoulder to shoulder with Gilbert – he has a pretty good gig and can play the jilted sweetheart for another 5 years at least. Maybe he will do something for the people of Cleveland and go out and not just get good draft choices (by being terrible) but also get a good team (outside of the draft) like other successful franchises. 

  • common sense

    Congratulations to you Peter! I love people who go against the popular grain. You have courage. I am a conservative voter but I think what Kasich did is stupidity personified. He, the child a postal worker, no worry about the future there, has  responsibility to be responsible. By the way, I worked for the post office for 6 years, made good money, but left that to work for much less with a non profit overseas (now for 21 years) which was our (wife and I) calling. I often think what would I have done, at 19, one of the best, if not the best, basketball players in the world, with my fame and my money? I had the chance to grow up quietly without having every move scrutinized. I did not like or dislike LeBron before the decision. Yes, he made some mistakes. How about the boorishness of the spoiled rich boy owner, Gilbert? It never ceases to amaze me how some rich people could be so stupid. Making money sure does’t equate being wise. Now Kasich. Give me a break. Now Clevelanders and Ohions, grow up, scrutinize Gilbert who did nothing (Except rake in money) during LeBron’s time. Look at Cuban – He may be irritating sometimes but he has done what is necessary (and is smart). Look at Riley, Aronson, San Antonio. Clevelanders your owner and everyone who takes his side is perpetuating mediocrity. Who would want to work for him?

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  • Daniel Smith

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    Politicians just don’t have any business in sport besides fandom, even in the case of someone like George Bush, who at least was an owner. The moment that their utterances hit the air is a moment that could’ve been spent on something more important. 

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