Two NFL Football Teams, One Priceless Rotating Replica of an Iron Ore Barge

by Cleveland Frowns on August 19, 2011

Another Friday, another thing we can all agree on. It’s the most phenomenal annual preseason matchup between the only two non-expansion NFL football teams to never make a Super Bowl that history has ever produced.

The Cleveland Browns and Detroit Lions have met in the preseason every year since 2002. In an often-cited report on the subject that remains the most detailed account to date, Jeff Schudel of the Lorain Morning Journal tells us that the clash was “christened” by former Browns president Carmen Policy as “The Great Lakes Classic,” and that the prize is not only a bronze trophy of an iron ore ship, but “a rotating bronze trophy of an iron ore ship.”

Quite simply, the stakes couldn’t be higher tonight.

Great Lakes Classic Trophy

A representative of Sotheby’s was reached, but would only comment anonymously on the GLC trophy.

“It might not be a very well-kept secret that none of the auction houses will touch this thing,” (s?)he said. “You’ve seen the trophy, so, think about it. The thing about numbers is that they go to infinity. If we start the auction, it will simply never end.”

When asked if the auction might end once all the money in the world is accounted for, our source confirmed: “You might think that, but remember, governments can print as much money as they want. Things are bad enough out there as it is. Total global financial meltdown is blood that the art world just won’t get on its hands. It’s a shame that the word ‘priceless’ is tossed around as carelessly as it is, because what we’re talking about here is the very definition of it.”

So it is, and the most phenomenal annual preseason matchup between the only two non-expansion NFL football teams to never make a Super Bowl that history has ever produced deserves absolutely nothing less.


Other questions for tonight:

Will Ndamukong Suh throw Colt McCoy into the fifth row of Browns Stadium? Or the twenty-fifth row? Who will catch him?

Does anyone have a window that looks into the Pit or the Muni Lot? When did the tailgate start? How much has it started? Will you take the afternoon off?

Will you be really excited if the Browns finish 8-8 or 9-7 and don’t make the playoffs? Why?

Frownie Challenge: What can you do with The Great Lakes Classic Trophy at or with similar software? Best efforts will be featured here next week.

The official Great Lakes Classic song is here.

And some reasons why Austin Kearns might not have been so bad are here, which isn’t to say the Tribe isn’t better off without him. Alright, brooms out everybody have a decent weekend.

  • Titus Pullo

    The question of how the Browns will finish this year and, more importantly, what will constitute progress on the team’s part, is one I’ve been pondering for a while.

    I don’t have a good answer yet.

    • Zulads4

      If they are 9-7 and do not make the playoffs, I will be disappointing because that means they did not win against the Steelers or Ravens, and got most of their wins off weak teams and it is 2007 all over again, with the eventual fall back to earth coming the next year.

      If they go 8-8 and make the playoffs, it means they could beat at least one of the Ravens or Steelers, but lost to weak teams, probably because of crippling mental errors, and as a result missed their chance at a playoff berth.

      All I know is with this absurdly weak schedule, and the crop of crappy qb’s we play, we better come close to 7-8 wins.

      • Zulads4

        Sorry if they go 8-8 and miss the playoffs.

      • Anonymous

        Makes sense to me.

      • manc

        I think 7-9, 8-8 would be fantastic.  I’d be well-chuffed (am currently putting off yardwork and watching Everton v. QPR, thus the Englishisms) with that result.

        I note that LeBron’s bad karma has settled over the Miami Hurricanes.

  • Zac

    That gif alone makes this post win.

  • Vari

    I wonder if C-Town will have the riot squad ready for the moment we hoist that beauty tonight? 

  • Ess Eh

    I will be happy at 6-10, if the Browns win 2 vs Pitt, 2 vs Bal, and 2 vs. Cin and all those wins have super tecmo bowl like scores.

    • 910Derp

      I’ll be pleased with 8-8, but I’ll save my true excitement for a playoff berth. Or failing that, a Baltimore sweep.

    • Anonymous

      QB Browns would have to have an awesome season for that to happen.

      • Ess Eh

        LOL, awesome Beeej!

  • Zulads4

    I will start the bidding at threve (combination of three and five) billion x infinity x 2.

    Also, Suh will throw McCoy’s head into the endzone, because Suh thinks decapitation touchdowns.

  • PittsburghisforManLovers

    Damn you for giving me access to that site.

    • Anonymous

      I give that an A for vision and a D+ for composition.

      • PittsburghisforManLovers

        Good thing you’re grading on a curve.

    • Anonymous

      Did you forget to take your Ritalin?

      • Anonymous

        Ritalin? Black tar heroin is the only substance that even registers as re keeping PML in check.

        • Anonymous

          I was just trying to protect our problem child, but I guess the cat’s out now.

        • PittsburghisforManLovers

          mmmmm, black tar

      • PittsburghisforManLovers

        The last CEO of my company swore up and down I have adult ADHD and then gave me a book about it and prefaced the gift by saying “I know you will never read this” – and yes, I had a 2 cups of coffee and a Red Bull before doing that.

  • SeanPullins

    I know the trophy is priceless but would anybody be willing to trade it to China for them to erase the United States debt?  

    Wait what am I saying? Hell No! Nobody would be willing do to that. This is GLC and the “a rotating bronze trophy of an iron ore ship” is at stake.

    • Anonymous

      Seriously, slow your roll. We don’t need anybody getting any ideas.

  • Anonymous

    The Browns have a curse now too and it is easy to see why it is keeping them mired in mediocrity and never making it to the Super Bowl.
    That iron ore ship is the Edmund Fitzgerald.

    • Anonymous

      Commodore Colt: Don’t give up the Ship!

      Suh: hey you’re on my boat.
      C. Colt: let’s get the F outa here.

      • Believelander

        I want to see one of our RBs go Jones-Drew on Suh’s big Samoan ass. If you are unfamiliar, search ‘Jones-Drew Merriman’ on YouTube.

    • Anonymous

      Which brings up a good point. I don’t dispute that that miniature milk chocolate boat with two dairy queen collectible helmets on it is “priceless.” But with all the wrecks laying on the bottom of lake erie between here and there, why didn’t they go with an actual artifact dredged up from the soggy deep, like an old barnacle encrusted telescope or something. I think surviving shipwreck is a pretty good poetic image for these two franchises.

      I’m out to Catawba this weekend and I’m going to look around for something. Also may run the family up to Detroit to see if we can do some good there.

      • Anonymous

        Brooms out for the bup family!

      • Anonymous

        We are expecting all of the sordid details of your family adventure.
        Please remember that the next time if you wish to wear your Cleveland gear and taunt Detroit fans, just say the word and a big dum body guard will take care of you and your family.

      • Chris Music

        Good point with the artifacts. Why not incorporate some wooden seats from the old Muni Stadium that were used for that “reef” in Lake Erie.

  • Anonymous

    LOL re: Kearns. “Did you know that even though Kearns is 31 years old and by far the worst defensive outfielder on the team, if you take his career BABP (a number he has exceeded only once since 2006) he is only 27% worse than an average player at hitting?!?! 27%!!!  Maybe not so easy to part with this guy now, is it?”

    Here are his BABPs since 2006 – 

    06: .288
    07: .299
    08: .250
    09: .258
    10: .344
    11:  .280

    I would suggest that last year’s BABP was the outlier, not this year’s. He is no longer a good player and hasn’t been for some time. Outside of his surprisingly strong performance with the Tribe for 84 games last season Kearns has posted an OPS+ of 67 in 2008, 72 in 2009, 81 with the Yanks in 2010, and a robust 68 this year for the Indians. This was not a hard move at all.

    • Believelander

      I’m with the Koran person. Kearnsy is good people, but he stunk -bad- this year.

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  • Jaceczko

    Yet another reason why I deeply regret that Quinn was never given a chance, even as much of a chance as McCoy has ALREADY gotten, to be evaluated based on his on-field play.

    It will be easier to put it out of my mind, though, if McCoy is the guy. I just wish we had known about Quinn before the Holmgren regime discarded him. Not that I wouldn’t say MAKE THAT TRADE in a heartbeat if we had to do it again today, obviously, in light of what we got. But it kills me how rampantly unchecked went the “Quinn noodle arm” nonsense on Browns message boards when Quinn was in Cleveland. 

    I guess that’s the power of the ignornet: it creates an ultra-extreme democracy the likes of which the western world hasn’t seen since the Athenians voted to exterminate an entire city of about 10,000 people, then changed their minds a few hours later.

    • Anonymous

       Quinn sucks

      • Jaceczko

        Thanks for the thoughtful reply.

        • Anonymous

           Didn’t need more than what I said,  but think about this he is now fighting on the Bronco’s not to be the 1st string QB but 2nd string his competition Orton(at starter) and  Tebow(at backup), on a team coached by John Fox who won with Delohme for years in Carolina. So right there is some good evidence he sucks..
           He could never beat out Anderson here,nor did he beat out Frye(whom I thought got a much harsher deal here than Quinn). I won’t say he had a noodle arm,what he had was no control and accuracy. Don’t know really if he could or could not throw long,because though he couldn’t hit a reciever between 1-20 yards where they could catch it(like in their chest or hands instead of the turf). So really does it matter if he could throw long? Assume he could, we would have had a shorter,slightly faster QB with even less pocket awarness,and who was injury prone(or seemed to be). How in any situation would that have helped our team? This is not to say we had good personell around him,except for a few we did not(but remember he couldn’t hit Winslow with a catchable pass),and we had an even shittier head coach in Crennel. You erither have it or you don’t Quinn doesn’t have ‘IT’, or skills.

          • Jaceczko

            ” I won’t say he had a noodle arm”

            Thank you for (finally) addressing the one praise I asserted in favor of Quinn, and, as it happens, agreeing with it.

          • Jaceczko

            Please allow me also to clarify my remark, that I “deeply regret that Quinn was never given a chance.” As I said in my first comment, it makes no difference to me who the quarterback is, if the Browns finally have a franchise quarterback. If anything, I would have preferred it to be Charlie Frye, so that he could become a superstar with us and then someday sign with the Dolphins as a free agent… 

            Seriously, though, the reason why I “deeply regretted it” was for his sake: he’s an Ohio boy, said all the right things, never spoke ill of anyone to the media that I ever read. And so, for his sake, I regret that his career got screwed in the last place where it should have been. 

            No reasonable person is going to deny that Quinn hasn’t shown any sign of being a franchise quarterback. But no reasonable person can assert that Quinn has actually been evaluated as a quarterback. Much less a 1st-rounder.

            Shit, look how much time Alex Smith got in SF. Entirely based on 1st round status. Quinn was NOT evaluated in Cleveland according to his draft status (much less according to his position status), which is a pretty ham-fisted business move if you ask me.

          • Anonymous

             I don’t know what to say except has there been a good QB in the pro’s from ND excluding Montana,since Montana?  I also think his college coaches(Wiess right?),and the favorable atmosphere from ND that seems to permeate in the NCAA ruined him long before he got to the pro level. Even with such a grooming as he had he wasn’t that good at ND,as Charlie Sheen might say he was a Loser. Wether that is all on him or the ND program I don’t know,but I do know his luck was again solidly bad via the agent he signed with and his holdout(he would have been annointed as the savior and given time if he was in camp on day 1). Then he got the bad luck of DA having his best season ever,as well as DA leading the Browns to their best record since they returned. No he never had good QB coaches in the NFL but he showed little spark and natural ability excluding the ability to split the team in the huddle on who should start,which made him a premadonna and a team cancer at least in Cleveland. Not that I liked Crennel but he and DA destroyed his chances of coaching out his contract.
             Farve had one year in Atlanta and about half a year in GB before an injury allowed him to see the field. Much like Bellichick did to Drew Bledsoe who actually started the Pats climb back to respectibility, like Don Majikowski did for the Pack(granted he is more reminiscent of Brady than Bledsoe,and Bledsoe is more like Farve when you consider draft position and expectations), though Majikowski was not as accomplished a QB as Bledsoe(sorry about the two tone text copied Majikoski’s name to spell it right and now I have the blue text)

          • Jaceczko

            Thanks for your extensive reply on Quinn. I think you make a lot of sense with the first half of the post. By the way, it’s “prima donna” (means “first lady”). Cheers.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t get how you think he didn’t get a chance or wasn’t “evaluated.” Seems to me he’s getting to have a lucrative NFL career based on….??  I seem to remember him starting a bunch of games and just not showing the ability to put the ball where it needed to be. There’s things you take time with, especially bad decisions or trouble utilizing the whole field or whole progression string. But Quinn would regularly just flat out miss the flanker running a cross 5 yards from the line, miss the back on a dump off, toss little 8 yard hooks straight into the turf, just the basic eye-hand coordination stuff that you can’t fix. Not sure where you pull the plug on that, but I’m as confident that I won’t be seeing Quinn QB-ing a playoff team as I am practically any quarterback in the league. I think he’s significantly worse than Charley Frye.

        • Anonymous

          Jac, I am on your side with this one.
          Where did Farve start his career?  
          There are plenty of QB’s who were discarded by the team that drafted them, then they went on to success with another franchise.
          Quarterbacks take a few years to develop, many coaches like to compare them to fine wine in there learning/aging process.
          I drink MD 20/20, so I am not fully cognizant of that analogy, but it may have something to do with the increased speed of the game and defensive talent at the NFL level.

      • Jaceczko

        What, aren’t you going to address my most important point, namely the fruits of extreme democracy vis-à-vis the Athenian resolution to exterminate the Mytileneans?

        • Anonymous

          Democracy, extreme or otherwise, is another name for mob rule.

          This country’s founders, being supremely educated men, understood this and gave us instead, as Franklin famously stated, “a republic, if we can hold on to it”.

          I agree with your statements on Quinn. He was a good college QB & ND hasn’t had a decent team since he left. They came within inches of beating the Reggie Bush led USC Trojans. Quinn played beautifully – the defense stunk.

          As a pro he leaves a lot to be desired, namely accuracy and pocket presence. At ND he wasn’t particularly accurate as I recall & accuracy (or lack thereof) is a leading predictor of a QB’s NFL success.

  • Deve Stay

    We have been tailgating in the muni lot since 7 am.  Like always.  Where you at, Frowns?

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  • Anonymous

    I am very disheartened to know that the Browns next game is with Philly.    Michael Vick is a worthless piece of trash.
    My dream is to run in to him somewhere and see if he really thinks a no win fight is a good idea.   I am ready for that and no one will have to tape his mouth shut and chain him to a fence to make him easy to kill.
    He should still be in prison.  He is human effluent that should have been given a lethal injection and flushed down the sanitary sewer.
    Let me at him.

    • Anonymous

      The man served his time and says he learned from it.   Let’s see what he does moving forward.  He had a tough upbringing, although I think his father was in the picture.

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  • Anonymous

    “Really excited” – only if we’re in the playoffs.  Like scrape me off the ceiling excited.

    I’ll be pleased if we win 8 or more games; anything less I’ll be riding the Packer bandwagon. 

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  • The Cuuuuuuuuuuugs


    I’m always disappointed when the Browns don’t make the playoffs. It’s all just relative to how it happens. If we start 4-7 but take 3 out of 4 from the Steelers and Ravens, keeping one of them out, I’m obviously not as miserable as if we start the year 9-2 and lose our last 5.

  • Anonymous

    W cincy
    L at indy
    W mia
    W tenn
    W at oak
    W sea
    W at sf
    L at hou
    W st lou
    W jax
    W at cincy
    W bal
    L at pitt
    W at ariz
    L at bal
    W pit


    >>>Will you be really excited if the Browns finish 8-8 or 9-7 and don’t make the playoffs? Why?>>>>
    i’m having a hard time getting my head around ‘8-8’ as it seems so hypothetical as to be absurd.

  • Anonymous

    Someone cheer me up.

    When I first heard the Ubaldo trade, I felt sick… like literally sick, because it was the Indians departing from their script that was succeeding almost too perfectly. And there was something a little smelly about Baldo’s performance this year and that last one inning start where he got rocked but everyone excused it as just “couldn’t concentrate” or whatever. Took me about 2 days until I was convinced it was a logical risk given the division, which I guess I still think it was. You can’t deny that having a top notch pitcher going yesterday would have been worth a lot.

    But man, the signs on this just couldn’t be looking worse. Right now, this guy simply can’t pitch, the avenues to excuse it away are rapidly dwindling, and while you assume it has to get better, the odds of that are no better than EITHER of the top prospects we just lost succeeding. Especially Pomz. You get the feeling he really could come up right now and be effective and probably dominant next year. Certainly couldn’t be worse than Baldo to this point.

    Did the Indians talk themselves into something because of the “friendly” contract?

    I’ve got the sick feeling back. Seriously, someone cheer me up.

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