Another Friday, another thing we can all agree on. It’s the most phenomenal annual preseason matchup between the only two non-expansion NFL football teams to never make a Super Bowl that history has ever produced.
The Cleveland Browns and Detroit Lions have met in the preseason every year since 2002. In an often-cited report on the subject that remains the most detailed account to date, Jeff Schudel of the Lorain Morning Journal tells us that the clash was “christened” by former Browns president Carmen Policy as “The Great Lakes Classic,” and that the prize is not only a bronze trophy of an iron ore ship, but “a rotating bronze trophy of an iron ore ship.”
Quite simply, the stakes couldn’t be higher tonight.
A representative of Sotheby’s was reached, but would only comment anonymously on the GLC trophy.
“It might not be a very well-kept secret that none of the auction houses will touch this thing,” (s?)he said. “You’ve seen the trophy, so, think about it. The thing about numbers is that they go to infinity. If we start the auction, it will simply never end.”
When asked if the auction might end once all the money in the world is accounted for, our source confirmed: “You might think that, but remember, governments can print as much money as they want. Things are bad enough out there as it is. Total global financial meltdown is blood that the art world just won’t get on its hands. It’s a shame that the word ‘priceless’ is tossed around as carelessly as it is, because what we’re talking about here is the very definition of it.”
So it is, and the most phenomenal annual preseason matchup between the only two non-expansion NFL football teams to never make a Super Bowl that history has ever produced deserves absolutely nothing less.
Other questions for tonight:
Will Ndamukong Suh throw Colt McCoy into the fifth row of Browns Stadium? Or the twenty-fifth row? Who will catch him?
Does anyone have a window that looks into the Pit or the Muni Lot? When did the tailgate start? How much has it started? Will you take the afternoon off?
Will you be really excited if the Browns finish 8-8 or 9-7 and don’t make the playoffs? Why?
The official Great Lakes Classic song is here.
And some reasons why Austin Kearns might not have been so bad are here, which isn’t to say the Tribe isn’t better off without him. Alright, brooms out everybody have a decent weekend.