Browns Pre-season Forecast and The Mystery of the Great Lakes Classic Trophy

by Cleveland Frowns on August 10, 2012

We wrote a fan forecast for the 2012 Browns for Kissing Suzy Kolber so click here to go there to check it out (our part starts in the grey box).

Big night tonight, of course, with kickoff in Detroit at 7:30. But not as big as Browns/Lions pre-season matchups used to be. Of course, it will always be a paradigmatic subject of intense historical and scientific interest that not only do the only two non-expansion NFL football teams to never make a Super Bowl meet in an annual pre-season game, but that this pre-season game was “christened” by Carmen Policy as “The Great Lakes Classic,” with possession of “a rotating bronze trophy of an iron ore ship” having gone to the winner each year the way high school rivals exchange bells or wagons or whatever.

Incredibly, however, nobody seems to know where this trophy is today.

Newsnet5′s Scott Piker casually reports that, “the winner of [tonight's] game will take home the Great Lakes Classic trophy,” but but this is directly undermined not only by the above-linked 2009 report from Jeff Schudel, but also the latest word on the subject, by Tony Grossi:

“The barge was heavy and expensive, reportedly created at the cost of $10,000 [!!!!!!!]. Alas, the teams stopped handing over the barge after Policy split to build a winery in Napa Valley, Calif., in 2005. It was last seen collecting dust in a broom closet in Browns headquarters.”

Really, what the shit?

Great Lakes Classic Trophy

If this thing can’t be auctioned off for charity (world peace) it should be on display at the Stadium or else the Natural History Museum. Its current status languishing in a broom closet is the perfect microcosm for the repression and lack of accountability that characterizes the failure of the Lerner Era Browns as an institution. Whether Jimmy Haslam has the fortitude to bring the GLC trophy out of the closet will be an early litmus test for his regime.

—————
In other news, the quote of the day is from Pat Shurmur, about Brandon Weeden and tonight’s game:

“Let’s remember now, he’s a rookie.”

And no Asian carp found in Lake Erie probe, which is as good as news gets. Dave Kolonich’s Cleveland Reboot is back which is great news, too. The rest is your weekend open thread. Use it lovingly and wisely as always, don’t forget to read our pre-season forecast at KSK, and we’ll be back on Monday to recap tonight’s action and whatever else.

  • BIKI024

    you got your cute QB chart out, and great analysis of the Browns per usual, but didn’t seem to follow xmas ape’s template of concluding with an over/under prediction. FAIL

  • http://www.redright88.com/ TitusPullo94

    You really should petition the Browns to allow the trophy to be presented to the winner of Cheddar Bay each season, since no one in Berea or Detroit seems to care about it.

    • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

      do we have any operatives working the shady parts of the mahoning valley? i strongly suspect there is 100% certainty that The Barge can be found at either the imbibe in youngstown or the spot bar in steubenville.

      (excuse the ‘bing-maps-aerial-views’ but google streetview is apparently afraid of downtown yompton and steubie.)

  • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

    reboot is edsbs-level funny. how did i miss this?

    the comments in ksk piece are priceless.. The Browns inspire the same feelings I get during those commercials for adopting starving Third World children. I can’t even laugh at this. I mean I did, but hoo boy those poor bastards.

    • ClevelandFrowns

      “They say a key to success is to set small attainable goals. The Browns defense should just spend the first 13 weeks of the regular season game planning for Cassel and the Chiefs in week 14.”

  • wiseoldredbeard

    I’m coming into the season with a positive attitude. I mean, the Howard deal offically signifies the end of the NBA, so that’s pretty much done (how could the NBA be stupid enough to allow the league to devolve like this after what happened to the MLB?!?!?!?!). Football is all I have left. I refuse to come into the season being bummed out and skeptical. I think Weeden is going to surprise some people, and the games are going to be exciting. Will we win more than five games? I fucking hope so.

    • Beeej

      Richardson “could” be back by week one. That is something to be positive about. Hopefully he goes to a different doc than Hafner and Sizemore.

      • BIKI024

        i think they all go to Dr. Andrews…

        • Beeej

          I know. I know. I’m trying to keep positive too. Finally, having a solid right side to the O-line gives me more hope than having Richardson, Weeden, and Gordon. It is just that for the last several weeks I will figuratively (but in the literal sense) laugh out loud w/in the first couple sentences of a Browns article when I open up the PD. If ever there was a sports movie that could rival Major League in comedy, and greatness, it would be this team.

          From New Line Cinema, based on a true story…Cleveland, a down and out city, with a down and brown football team. A team with a rooster full of losers and castoffs ends up winning the hearts of an entire city on their way to a 5-11 record. Starring Scot Bakula as the veteran-rookie QB, Ving Rhames as the hotshot new running back with a bad knee. With Mr. Burns as the Irrelevant Billionaire, Jocko the walrus as Team President, and a special appearance by Joe Pesci as beat reporter Tony Grossi comes “Brown Stain.” You laugh at the comedy, and cry when you realize we aren’t making this stuff up. In theaters August 10th.

          • BIKI024

            i think the 2009 season probably most resembles Major League. team starts 1-11, then miraculously finishes with the longest winning streak since expansion, including a huge win against arch rival Steelers, with a bunch of veterans and cast-aways who now are mostly irrelevant or retired.

            why do you keep reading the PD if you think it’s such a joke of a sports section? there are a TON of other sources for Browns related content

          • Beeej

            I was going to include Boo Berry as the Ghost of Mangini but I thought that it would be too much.

            We are one of the few families left that still subscribe to a physical newspaper, so I’ll leaf through it while eating breakfast. It not that the writers are a joke, although in many cases they are. Side note: Has anyone ever read a Bill Livingston article? When I laugh, it is because I feel like I’m getting “Punk’d.” The news from Berea gets more and more ridiculous, and I’m waiting for a camera crew to come out and say, “Just kidding. The Browns are really in good shape. We were just f-ing with you.”

            I feel like the Suzie on Miracle on 34th Street. “I believe. I believe. It’s silly, but I believe.”

            How about Ubaldo last night? 10 k’s 1 walk. I can sense a 18 out of 20 win streak coming on.

          • technivore

            I have never once read a Bill Livingston column, or met anyone who has.

          • CleveLandThatILove

            Really hope this Schwartz kid is up to snuff in a hurry.

          • BIKI024

            what exactly are they saying that is “more and more ridiculous”? just don’t read them and read Nate Ulrich, he’s probably the best beat writer at the moment

          • Beeej

            The last couple weeks w/in the first sentence I’ll read:

            Monday: Gocong out for the season.
            Tuesday: Richardson has a sore knee.
            Wednesday: Haden tests positive for adderal (Seriously!?! Did he have finals coming up?)
            Thursday: Richardson to have knee surgery.
            Friday: Hogram flips after discovering there is no more daiquiri mix. AND NEW OWNER!!!

            MKC:
            Monday: Sunshine
            Tuesday: Lollipops
            Wednesday: Laser beams
            Thursday: Battling
            Friday: 8 wins

            I know players get hurt. I know (most) players are on some sort of PEDs. I know MKC puts out more fluff than an extra on a porn set.

            I want to believe that the team is heading in the right direction (again having solid O and D lines gives me the most hope for this season and the near future). This is by far my favorite team in all of sports. However, cheering for the Browns is starting to feel like cheering for Charlie Brown to kick the football. You want him to do it. You hope he does it. You think it could happen this time. Than WHAM-O Lucy pulls the ball away, and he is flat on his back…again. At some point, you just have to look at the team you love and laugh. It’s not that I don’t care or am indifferent. It’s that if I don’t laugh, I may end up in a clock tower picking off people that look like Homer Simpson.

            SPORTS!!!

    • BIKI024

      yeah, that’s the ticket!

      • bupalos

        Was that supposed to be read in a John Lovitz voice? Because that’s how I heard it.

        • BIKI024

          haha, yups! i was gonna put a youtube link so the kids would get it

    • BIKI024

      not sure how the NBA is any different than it’s been for the last 30 years where 25 of the championships were won by 5 teams.

  • Beeej

    Are rookies not capable of battling?

    • bupalos

      No they mostly grind.

      • rodofdisaster

        Aren’t they all essentially rookies at this point?

        • Beeej

          This is really only their first full preseason together.

          • actovegin1armstrong

            Right Beeej,
            And this is really the first “Year of the Walrus” too.

  • Ramdu

    “This means Holmgren gets to jump ship with Lerner’s $40 million, can just point at Haslam and Banner for whatever hellborne dumpster fire that might be left in his wake.”

    I LOVE the hellborne dumpster fire metaphor. Kudos frownie! I personally haven’t paid as much attention to the Browns as I used to. More interested in the Game of Thrones books- more interesting and less tragic.

  • Petefranklin

    “Cleveland’s Concussed Bitches” trumps “Biki’s Alledged Dozen Bears Fans” for my favorite fantasy name this year.

    • BIKI024

      my baseball team name might have to be the best: “Pass LaRoche” (LaRoche has been a nice sleeper as well.)

  • http://twitter.com/byRiverBurns River Burns

    “…not only do the only two non-expansion NFL football teams to never make a Super Bowl meet in an annual pre-season game”

    I take exception to that phrase. The Browns are indeed an expansion team, of the 1999 variety. Say whatever you will about the records staying Cleveland, and the Browns existence in the Super Bowl Era up until 1995, but the structured franchise that remained did appear in, and win, a Super Bowl. In expansion terms, the Texans are the only team more expansionier than the new incarnation of the Browns.

    This isn’t an excuse for 14 years of being inept, but if Jacksonville gets to play the expansion card, the Browns should have an equal opportunity claim on that.

    • ClevelandFrowns

      Fine, but we’re still a non-expansion fan base. It’s still all an unimaginably cruel and hilarious joke.

      • http://twitter.com/byRiverBurns River Burns

        No argument there.

  • maxfnmloans

    “should be able to run the ball just well enough to miss out on drafting the player they really need next April”

    22 words to perfectly encapsulate a 6 month journey. It’s like Hemingway. Old Man and the Sea was maybe 100 pages, but what a 100 pages it was

  • CleveLandThatILove

    So there are two things that are heavy, expensive, and collecting dust at Browns HQ.

    • ClevelandFrowns

      Excellent.

      DRINK.

      • CleveLandThatILove

        Here’s to more cheers than jeers this year, eh? *Clink*

        • ClevelandFrowns

          I was thinking more along the lines of, “if anyone needs me I’ll be drinking myself invisible at the Tilted Kilt,” but yes, *Clink*

          • CleveLandThatILove

            Be sure this time you mind the “no headstands when going commando” ordinance.

          • mo_by_dick

            ordinance is unconstitutional as written & applied

    • wiseoldredbeard

      Maybe we can get $40M to take the barge off their hands…

  • mo_by_dick

    Wasn’t there a blingee contest this time last year?

  • ClevelandFrowns

    OK, questions for tonight’s game:

    1) How many picks will Weeden throw?

    2) Will Suh dismember Weeden?

    3) Which member?

    4) How many other season ending injuries?

    What else?

    • BIKI024

      5) how many Lions will get arrested prior, during, or after the game tonight?

    • mo_by_dick

      5) What does Chilly do while Shurmur is calling plays?

      6) Will Haden be easily distracted?

      • http://twitter.com/GHClevelandSprt Mike Stein

        7) Kiley and Booms say this is a must-win game. Does this mean we should never listen to them again?

        • ClevelandFrowns

          8) Who was listening to Kiley and Booms in the first place?

          9) Why?

        • wiseoldredbeard

          8) Why were we listening to Kiley and Booms in the first place?

          • wiseoldredbeard

            9) If a person types a comment in the woods without re-loading frowns, and then claims that he wrote his comment before the person who got it in first, does anyone hear him?

          • ClevelandFrowns

            #hivemind

          • wiseoldredbeard

            If you could only bottle one tenth of the swarm mentality in this comment section and send it to the Browns, what do you think would happen? I’m guessing either Super Bowl, or they’d all be hammered in the muni-lot Sunday at 11:00am wondering how much longer till the game starts…

          • ClevelandFrowns

            Either way it would be a massive improvement.

          • http://twitter.com/GHClevelandSprt Mike Stein

            10) Where’s DawgPound Mike?

          • wiseoldredbeard

            Isn’t this more fun than debating whether or not we like Haslam. Art should be here to revel… Where is Art?

    • http://twitter.com/musicman06 Chris Music

      How many times will we hear this song:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zme7r4bhl5Y

      • ClevelandFrowns

        Would rather hear this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grePmMTwf6A

        • wiseoldredbeard

          This video needs a picture of the Policy holding the Barge over his head with confetti falling from the rafters.

    • dubbythe1

      1. one, and 1 td

      2. no, but it will look like an episode of Scooby Doo where the ghost is chasing Shaggy (and Scooby) through a series of doors in a hallway.

      3. Judging by the picture referenced here, it seems Haslam already beat Suh to the punch.

      4. At least 1 more, I am thinking a TE…

      5. at least 2 more lions.

      6. Chilly lives up to his namesake and keep Holmmie’s daquiris ICE cold.

      7. Not if he scrounges up a prescription… DRINK!!!!

      8.Did anyone ever truly listen to begin with?

    • rodofdisaster

      1. I’ll go with none. More importantly will we see Weeden for more than a series?

      2. Suh will cheapshot him and will beg back in the game to sack McCoy too.

      3. No comment

      4. Only Shurmur injuring the team

      Other questions:

      a) Will McCoy help or hurt his trade stock tonight

      b) Will we give up a deep ball on the first drive? Haden covering Megatron.

      c) Will we see the beginning of the “James Michael Johnson fighting for playing time” movement?

      • BIKI024

        Shurmur said Weeden would play the entire 1st quarter, which unless our defense gets crushed, should hopefully = 3+ series..

  • The Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs

    STILL LIKE MY TROPHY BETTER!

    http://bln.gs/b/22np2p

    • CleveLandThatILove

      Still the one to beat.

    • ClevelandFrowns

      The McNuggets really tie the whole thing together.

  • Petefranklin

    The thing I want to see most is how the O-line performs vs. a mean dirty squad. If they manage to hold their own I think we have a punchers chance at 6 wins this year. I’m actually more interested in the guard play than anyone else.

  • Kamov

    Every time I see that trophy, I think it’s made of chocolate. It’s disappointing it’s not, really.

  • Leftyjsf

    Given the play of RB’s tonight, maybe we keep Colt as second string RB.

    It’s only preseason…

    God are those refs awful.

  • BIKI024

    for you kids keeping score at home, that’s FIVE straight ATS wins for the Clownies, and SEVEN of last EIGHT. come on ride the train!

    • CleveLandThatILove

      Hmmm. What if someone chose the Browns ATS every single week in Cheddar Bay? I was thinking about that recently. What if?

      • BIKI024

        yeah, that’s the ticket!

        • CleveLandThatILove

          You should tell your wife…Morgan Fairchild.

          • BIKI024

            HOT

          • rodofdisaster

            whom he’s slept with!

          • Beeej

            Tommy Fla-nay-gin?

      • bupalos

        What if?

    • Petefranklin

      And the 4 traditional best preseason coaches (ATS) all go down with the Browns victory.

  • rodofdisaster

    I can take a lot of last night with a grain of salt but there’s some things that really irritated me.

    1. How can Pat Shurmur look at a performance with a 19.0 passer rating and say it was a “good” outing? He must think we’re stupid. Yes, Weeden had zip on the ball but there was a pick and a near pick-six that was dropped. He doesn’t do well under pressure. I can reserve judgment on Weeden as it was one preseason game but Pat is insulting us.

    2. Penalties. When Shurmur arrived here, the Browns were amongst the least penalized teams in the NFL (4th in 2009 and 3rd in 2010). Last night was offensive. False starts happen in preseason but those are still concentration penalties and, to my eye, Oniel Cousins was false starting every play (not to mention holding).

    3. “Tackling”. The Detroit “1′s” had their way with the Browns’ defense. For that matter so did the 2′s and 3′s.

    4. Greg Little still can’t catch.

    5. Oniel Cousins should be cut before noon. This guy makes John St. Clair look like Anthony Munoz.

    Things I liked:

    1. Travis Benjamin, Josh Cooper and Josh Morgan- I said it when they drafted Benjamin. He’s fast and he doesn’t need to catch 100 balls this year to improve the offense. He helps dictate coverage and that’s all we need. The nice hands last night would be gravy. Morgan is huge. He didn’t do much last night but that play that he was held was indicative of the problems he’s going to pose for opposing defenses. Did anyone see the sick hands on Cooper? I think he’s making this team.

    2. Brandon Jackson- I just like the way Brandon runs. He’s got a good low center of gravity and runs north and south.

    3. Mitchell Schwartz- He’s not making me forget passing on David DeCastro and he did get beaten badly but you can see where this guy’s technique is good.

    4. Cameron Jordan- way to hold on to the football

    5. James Michael Johnson- I thought that he was around the football a lot and he’s a work in progress but I’m excited about him.

    6. Brian Sanford- Yes, he’s a 2nd/3rd string DE but he was getting held on every play and still managed to push the RT back into the QB three or four times. A longshot to make the team but this kid was running and hustling to the opposite side of the field all night long. Now that he’s not playing DT, losing 10 or 15 lbs might help him gain some speed.

    7. Backup offensive linemen not named “Cousins”. I didn’t notice anyone stand out but Gerhardt had a nice play were he hooked a DT on a red zone run play. Very nice.

    We will see if preseason weeks 2 and 3 look any better or more of the same. Too soon to panic but not to be concerned.

    • ClevelandFrowns

      I’ll just add that the Lions averaged 6.5 yards a carry in the first half, which is objectively terrifying.

      • Ohiakotan

        Terrifying indeed, but what team was able to stop Kevin Smith, Stefan Logan (University of South Dakota), Keiland Williams, and Joique Bell last year?

        • ClevelandFrowns

          DRINK!

      • bupalos

        Yeah, I’ll retract my take on the run defense. With Gocong gone and IStopTheRunMan out, any other injury (esp. Rubin) means the whole thing falls apart precipitously.

    • GrandRapidsRustlers

      I think this is a top 5 pass defense this year…mainly because I don’t see why any team would bother putting the ball in the air.

      Ray Rice has a shot at the single game yards record this year.

      Travis Benjamin can fly and catch the ball.

      I want to be upset about the penalties but it’s hard when I look at the collection of parole officers and insurance agents that were pretending to be refs last night so I’ll give them a pass (that does not excuse performance last year)

      It’s at least going to be an exciting 2-14…right???

    • BIKI024

      Lest not forget that the meat of the interior defense was out (Rubin and Jackson), that should hopefully help getting them back. But Detroit’s infamous passing game was pretty weak, Stafford seemed a bit rusty, per usual.

      No mention of Trevin Wade?

      • Petefranklin

        Rubin and Jackson will help alot…..6.5 YPC down to 4.5 YPC. Problem solved!, drink.

        • BIKI024

          YPC? you been drinking??

          • Petefranklin

            Against, No,but its never too early.

          • BIKI024

            i thought we were talking about yards per rushing attempt, but sure, there’s zero chance of improvement of the rush defense. i’m sure it’s been the priority of the defensive coaching staff to address defending the run better and they have added a couple new pieces, so we’ll see. it could be a disaster, but i think we owe the coaches a few REGULAR season games against some of the top rushing defenses to see if they and the players have made the proper adjustments.

            but sure, it’s fun to be negative nelly around, whoo hoo the Clowns BLOW, YEAH!! we’re not Detroit!!

          • Petefranklin

            Negative nelly? Dont make me play the Frostee Rucker card,4.5 down to 4.0 progress! Go Clowns, prove me wrong!

      • rodofdisaster

        Sorry Biki,

        Trevin looked good in run support and made a nice open field tackle but on the ball that was thrown his way down the field he had given up inside position to a bigger man and the only reason that wasn’t a big gain was that Kellen Moore has a crap arm and underthrew the ball.

        Don’t get me wrong. I like just about every rookie they drafted for some reason or another which is why I think that this rookie class is going to force some guys who made this team last year to the curb and that’s unfortunate for those guys (some of whom worked very hard) but that’s good for the team.

        • BIKI024

          looks like Trevin gonna get a bunch of reps with the 1st team Nickel against GB, keep up the hard/good work Mr. Wade!

    • Bellh001

      I was also impressed with a few of the Browns newcomers..I also noticed Sanford being held a lot..but great hustle..we need 11 guys running to the ball like that…Penalties are absurd…you cannot keep doing this..

    • NeedsFoodBadly

      The penalties thing especially pisses me off, but honest question – how do you coach away things like false start penalties? In my high school days, we’d have to run sprints. Do you know if the system is a little more nuanced at the college or pro level?

      • rodofdisaster

        I doubt it. I was just listening to the radio yesterday and they talked about Tom Brady and his center running laps because of a botched snap. Believe it or not, that sort of negative reinforcement works. Say what you will about the guy who isn’t “the players’ coach” but those disciplinarians do tend to get results.

        This is why the Raiders, for many years, were the worst in the league with penalties. No discipline at all. Sometimes penalties have to do with a guy just not being a good player but those things happen. It’s the mental mistakes and the mistakes made by improper positioning (defensive holding, for instance) that are simply maddening.

    • rgrunds

      Yeah. Everything Rod said. Yeah.

  • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

    the excuse machine is also getting its reps in in pre-season. should in a fine form come september:
    We had a lot of rookies in there playing with a team that went 10-6 last year, and I’m not down at all,” Shurmur told The Plain Dealer. “A lot of young guys had an opportunity to play.

    last year it was ‘new offense, pre-season.’
    this year it will be ‘lots of rookies.’

    and both pre-seasons provided the same or more game to reps to thaddeus lewis/jarrett jett as for weeden/mccoy.

    if shurmur isn’t a fool, i dont know what a fool is.

    • BIKI024

      DISLIKE

      • Petefranklin

        NOOOOOOO, Haslem cant fire Shurmer after week 6 he needs to wait until like week 13 when the Clowns have locked in the 11 losses that I need to cash under 6 wins against superfan. Jim please dont scare us like this as it is the only time of the year when us Clown fans can actually like whats going on with the team. And you know Shurmer has changed this year also, MKC told us so it is true.

        • BIKI024

          DERP

    • GrandRapidsRustlers

      I’m going to like this because it is dynamite use of the CAPS lock and Bold.*

      *and it’s factual

    • NeedsFoodBadly

      Absolutely amazing.

      Can we pool our resources and get an airplane to drag this banner across the sky each game? “LOOK UP FROM THE FUCKING CHART AND LEAD YOUR FUCKING TEAM YOU FUCKING WEAK ASS ONE-YEAR-LEFT CRONY-SYSTEM QB COACH.”

      • Beeej

        I think kickstarter can help with this.

  • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

    the line of scrimmage is the browns 47. 3rd and 7. big play.
    see if you find where our head coach stands?

    a) at the LOS maybe? checking out the line play .. he *is* an o-lineman himself.
    b) back with the defense trying understand if coverages are being missed or players arent good enough? — it’s gotta be one or the other when youre giving up 6yds/rush?
    c) mingling/coaching with prospective #1 qb?

    WRONG.
    your coach is standing on 30 yd line, 17 yards off the LOS, pretty much by himself, closest player to him appears to be a punter…

    it should go without saying but the result of the play was illegal procedure, not enough men on the line. negated a 1st down. and plus pat had to conjure up a new 3rd/12 play.. yeah.. more of this.

    • wiseoldredbeard

      This is ridiculous. Do you ever wonder if his placard just has pictures of puppies on it??

  • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki
    • ClevelandFrowns

      That’s beautiful.

    • Petefranklin

      Did he ride to the game on the team bus or a very tiny car?

      • actovegin1armstrong

        There has been plenty of evidence to prove that Shurmur is a classic example of the “Peter Principal”.
        What is the over under on how many weeks he shall last?
        I am looking at taking the under and I expect the line to be about 1.5 games into the season.

        • Petefranklin

          MKC should do a report on the peter principle,errr…nevermind…DERP.

    • Kamov

      Now that’s genuine.

  • BIKI024

    sweet feathury jesus

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