Shurmurball Week 2: It gets better?

by Cleveland Frowns on September 16, 2012

It can’t get any worse for Brandon Weeden and the Browns offense today in Cincinnati against the Queen City Kitties.

But can it be just as bad? And the defense? Did it contain the Eagles last week or did the Eagles contain themselves? The Week 2 NFL picks are here and the rest is your Shurmurball Week 2 support group open thread.

  • Bryan

    love the phrase Shurmurball. makes me chuckle every time.

    • ClevelandFrowns

      It’s not a phrase, it’s a way of life.

  • rodofdisaster

    Brandon Weeden was AWFUL in week one, HOWEVER…

    He did seem to find the correct receiver consistently. It’s at least a LITTLE more positive than the idea that he could have been mentally lost. If Richardson can get going…Brandon could improve.

    Then again, he couldn’t be any worse.

  • BIKI024

    here we go clownies here we go!

    • Believelander

      1 minute, 47 seconds off the clock. I wasn’t trolling.

      • BIKI024

        damn you Jermaine Gresham! great catch. overall lot of positive things, but no haden and banged up sheldon obviously left us exposed. OOGEYBOOGEY!

  • nj0

    Born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio. If that place taught me anything it’s that it can always get worse. There is no bottom.

  • dubbythe1

    Can we get a preemptive “Fuck.” from Anonymous Browns Fan?

    • Anonymousbrownsfan

      Fuck.

  • Bryan

    Steve Tasker just said “the Browns need to Weeden out the mistakes.” Best Weeden pun yet?

    • nj0

      needs more drug references

      • Beeej

        With all the Weeden being passed around in Berea everyone needs to take a minute to clear their head.

  • nj0

    Sweep the leg, Johnny.

  • Bryan

    BATH SALTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Believelander

    Does anyone remember what it was like when it was suspenseful to have Phil Dawson trying to hang a 3 from 50 yards out? I don’t know how he extended his range so much at the phase of his career he’s at, but #MVPhil.

    • acto

      HGH2

      • Believelander

        LOL maybe. Honestly I think all kickers and punters should juice. It would really ratchet up the excitement involved in the field goal and field position games.

        Also, move kickoffs back to the 30. When all the kickers are juicing, we’re going to need the extra 5 yards to ensure a return game exists.

  • Believelander

    #MVPhil had better start to be worried about losing his MVP status. Last week he lobotomized a defender, now he had an explosive touchdown run. Look out.

  • http://www.autismspeaks.org/ PML

    The Eagles definitely contained themselves. Hope the adderall was tasty, Haden.

  • Believelander

    Right now I’m really glad we got rid of Mangini and his dinosaur no-scoring field goal-thinking crew. #ShurmurBowlXLVII

    • bupalos

      Me too.

  • bupalos

    shurmur timeout at 3:43, first evidence of Shurmurball. The bobble-challenge happens right after this, but there was NO reason to call the timeout here. BTW incredible play by Gresham.

    • Believelander

      Bupa, timeout at 3:25 would have been an utter waste of a time out, except the clock never started until 5 seconds after the subsequent play -ended-.

      • bupalos

        Yup. I knew they messed that up but I didn’t see how bad until you mentioned. Check out what happens before the half too. As I say, these refs are really bad. It’s going to blow up at some point.

        • Believelander

          That was one glaring mistake that effectively gave the Browns an additional time out. Could have been game changing. But there were a handful in either direction. Honestly, I think Shurmur (credit where it’s due) had the refs’ atrocious clock management much more well in hand, and spoke up and kept quiet at the right times in those regards.

          I expect more rookie ref mistakes, but eventually these guys are going to get better. If the regular refs don’t choke and buckle under in the labor dispute at some point (and this is sad but true) they’re eventually just going to be out of work.

          • bupalos

            >>>eventually these guys are going to get better>>>

            There’s your 2013 NFL motto: “Keep watching, keep paying, because eventually these guys are going to get better!”

    • http://www.autismspeaks.org/ PML

      Dear Shurmur,

      Please resign.

      Signed,
      Everyone

      • BIKI024

        how did shurmur lose the game? he should’ve done more live tackling drills? oh wait, they are not allowed per league rules.

        • Believelander

          He didn’t lose the game, he’s just not a good coach.

          • Petefranklin

            I especially liked the two yard standing still catch on third and twelve, geuss Weeden got his reciever mixed up with Trich.

        • http://www.autismspeaks.org/ PML

          Alright, everyone except Biki. My mistake.

          • Believelander

            That guy Biki, he’s quite the rogue. The enigma, if you will. He’s a Browns fan…but he’s a Jets fan…but he’s really a Browns fan despite seeming vastly more fond of the latter……Mike Holmgren and Pat Shurmur according to this guy fart sunshine and roses and Super Bowls, but he opens up gameday with comments like “Here we go Clownies”, which reflects in a decidedly negative manner on the Browns, coach, and President, even in jest. But he seems to vociferously and unreasonably defend Holmgren’s regime even as he unreasonably trashes/trashed the Mangini regime. But we’re the Clownies. And oh yeah Go Jets (nobody likes the Jets. Well, maybe Tim Tebow, but it takes as good a person as Tim Tebow…or a drug abuser…to not loathe the Jets).

            My professional opinion is this: Biki is ACTUALLY a Brett Favre Packers fan and has been since 1996 in the glory days when they won their Super Bowl in the wake of the Browns being annihilated from existence. He is unaware of this; it’s a deep-seated psychological trauma, after all. The Jets are a nearby surrogate, sufficient because they a) share the colors, b) had Brett Favre in 2008, and c) Mike Holmgren once ate at a restaurant frequented by Jets players (uncomfirmed). He blames Eric Mangini fiercely for injuring Brett Favre’s shoulder and ending his career (a little known fact: Mangini injuring Favre’s shoulder with hsi disciplinarian attitude actually caused Favre’s body to collapse, it just took a few years). He also holds a deep-seated loathing of the impostor Browns for harboring the fugitive Mangini, who also conspired with Abram Elam, Brodney Pool, Shaun Rogers, and Kamerion Wimbley to feloniously accelerate the death of Favre’s career started by EvilManginius, by sacking him FOUR times – Mangini went so far as to rig the NFL schedule to get the opportunity in the first week of the following season.

            Finally, the Messiah Holmgren came along to rein in this madjack and bring the weight of law to a town that had grown lawless in the 11 weeks of a ‘rebuild project’ (read: conspiracy against loud washed up losers in the Dawg Pound). Or maybe he just brought weight in the wake of Romeo Crennel’s exit and Mangini’s own weight loss project and challenge for Shaun Rogers to get his ass in shape.

            Either way, he finally expunged the stain on our city’s resume, ushering in a new age of competence and debonair at the head coaching position, avenging his man the Favre and soon, he will clear his good name of the smear to his reputation left when he was unfairly removed from his last (only) role above that of Head Coach. The fact that the GM work he did for Seattle was garbage? Totally not his fault. There was a GM lockout, a shortened off-season, and a GM who was practically a rookie 3-4 times before they finally benched him.

            Or something.

          • Believelander

            P.S.: The Jets piss me off. If your atrocious pack of circus freaks (and Tebow, who doesn’t deserve the punishment of this organization) is going to beat someone this year, please make it the Steelers. You didn’t even make it a game, fall on either of Roethlisberger’s 60 year old knees, or even cause him to sweat like he just got served a subpoena. No, you put up 8000 points on the Buffalo Frigging Bills then went back to being the trailer trash side show we all know you are against a half-dead Pittsburgh defense. F*** you, New York Jets. F*** you in your ******* **** ***.

          • http://www.autismspeaks.org/ PML

            How far down the wormhole are you trying to get? Holy smokes.

          • actovegin

            Believelander,
            No Revis Island.

          • NeedsFoodBadly

            For what it’s worth, I loved that comment before you edited it. We need as many people plumbing that mystery as possible.

    • BIKI024

      Patterson? you mean Buster Skrine, homey got torched.

      why Adderrall Joe? don’t you know yayo out yo system in 2 days!?!?!

      • bupalos

        I’ll be checking on that. I felt like Patterson was the bigger problem. But I’ll be checking.

        #neverendingbender

        • CleveLandThatILove

          Break it down, Bup.

      • acto

        No kidding Biki,
        How could he get busted for something that is oftentimes gone without a trace in a day and is ridiculously easy to mask anyway?

    • acto

      Shirley you jest Bupa. Coach pat his own back made every mi
      stake possible.
      Ward missed some coverages too.
      The only positive from.this game was that I met a beautiful woman from Perry at the Browns Backers Bar.

      • bupalos

        Congrats on the extra beautiful woman Acto, but you’re going to have to list them out on coach pat. I’m shocked by how few problems I have with PatTheBunny on this one.

        • acto

          She gave me the bums rush Bupa, but at least she was nice to speak with.
          I could start with the predictable play calling, an under prepared O-line and then move on to plays that were easy to read pre-snap.

    • Beeej

      Check out Mack’s blocking on TRich’s TD run. I only got the chance to listen to the game today, but I didn’t hear them say much about the O-line which is always a great thing.

      • rodofdisaster

        On the TRich TD…Mack and guards had nice blocks but that play happens because littlest dude on the field (Benjamin) and Little had excellent blocks on their defenders. #browns #nfl

  • bupalos

    These refs are horrible. The NFL is eleventy two billion dollars of revenue and they are willing to put it all up to squeeze out another couple dollars. Horrible.

    • BIKI024

      the “real” refs make mistakes all the time too.. can’t say we had many calls go against us per se, but what was the DQwell PF early on all about??

      • bupalos

        yeah, that one was as big as a strip-sack. But I’m not even talking about the browns game. Half-watching Ravens and now totally focused on the Charger game and this shit is just random.

      • Believelander

        I felt like that was the only WTF call against us. Conversely, they called a ticky-tack helmet to helmet hit on … I want to say Terrence Newman? And they didn’t throw the flag when D’Qwell Jackson executed Armon Binns coming across the middle. So there were a few key swings but in general, I agree with you that it was nothing that fans wouldn’t bitch and whine about with the regular referees – it’s just magnified in the minds of the people because the refs are replacements.

        • bupalos

          Again, not the browns game I’m talking about.

          On the issues you raised, I’m pretty far “left” on the issue of hits, but DQ’s was clean and correct in my book. Absolutely a football play–that’s my threshold. Nothing extraneous or egregious about it.

          They just missed another cut-and-dried call (running into the kicker) in the SD game. If the the owners wants to burn a year getting these guys used to the NFL to save a few nickels, they are going to be taking a major chance.

          Holding is now random. DPI is close to random. Neutral zone is random (browns were lucky it was.) Who’s at fault for early movement is random. Whether to stop the play on early movement from the D is random. Anything can happen on the clock.

          Refs should be full time NFL employees and paid league player minimum.

          • Believelander

            My main point of contention is mostly the psychological side; the scrutiny on the refs is increased because they’re scab refs. I’m not saying they’re as good as the other refs or that the ref labor dispute isn’t foolish. I’m just saying that the increased scrutiny leads to the perception that they’re so much worse, and I think the difference between the regular and replacement refs is significantly smaller than the attention all of our minds are giving the replacement refs makes it seem.

            Personally, I’ve been despising the refereeing in the NFL for years, so I’m not really discontent.

          • bupalos

            Yeah, I’m alive to the psych effect, but it’s not highly scrutinized big plays I’m looking at. It’s all the stuff that used to fly under the radar and still does.

            The holding just has no consistency to it at all. And as they say, holding technically happens on every play, so it really matters that they have some sense to the way it’s called.

            Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think these guys are especially blind or dumb or something. But they are rookies, and it shows. And I think it’s ridiculous that the owners would basically go into rebuild mode on the refs because they ask for another nickel. It seems pretty disrespectful of the fans. The refs deserve more money than the owners do.

          • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

            bingo.

          • Petefranklin

            Full time so their bank accounts can be monitored for any funny business….errrr random funny business.

  • bossman09

    wait, the browns got 5 yards per carry and lost? That’s not possible! We all know that any team that gives up 5 yards per carry can’t win. I’m upside down!

    Seriously though, Special teams coach should be fired this evening.

    • ClevelandFrowns

      You can give up 5 ypc and win when the other team’s defense can’t stop you.

      • Believelander

        To be fair, you can give up 5 ypc and win in a lot of situations. However, if you’re averaging 5 ypc against you over the course of a season, it’s all bad.

      • bossman09

        So you are confirming that if the browns give up 5 yards per attempt and win it doesn’t matter?

        • ClevelandFrowns

          No.

        • ClevelandFrowns

          The Bengals D is terrible.

          • bupalos

            Here it comes.

  • Believelander

    The picture above really makes me wish that Frowns was tight with the creators of 8-Bit Theater.

  • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

    you guys tell me if i’m being nitpicky here:

    WHAT THHE FUCK DOES SHURMUR DO BEFORE THE GAMES WITH THESE GUYS??? RUFIES?? DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE??? AROMATHERAPY??? CAN WE REMOVE THE WATER FIXTURES FROM THE FUCKING LOCKER ROOMS PLEASE????? WHY ARE THEY FUCKING ZOMBIES FOR THE FIRST FIVE FUCKING MINUTES OF EVERY FUCKING GAMES????????

    that is all.

    • rodofdisaster

      Maybe that’s where the Adderall came in

    • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

      if youre keeping score at home,
      in 18 1st quarters of shurmurball, the score is:

      Browns 32
      Opponent 89

      two touchdowns in those 18 games.
      ten times the browns have trailed heading into the 2nd qtr; three times they’ve led.

  • Chris P.

    Bengals defense not good.. but…

    CHILLY TAKES ADVANTAGE

    #Chilly2012

    Clearly he pushed Jauron into the dumpster fire to take the lead in the clubhouse

    • http://twitter.com/cpmack Chris M

      Childress couldn’t win with Adrian Peterson and (fountain of youth) Brett Favre. Be careful what you wish for here.

      • Chris P.

        I could not conceivably be more cognizant of what I am wishing for.

        You know how Frowns cheers for The Curse of Wahoo? I cheer for lighter fluid.

  • Beeej

    14-2 before the world ends. We’re still looking at the playoffs.

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