Bernie Kosar Update

by Cleveland Frowns on November 14, 2012

Below is an update on legendary Cleveland Browns quarterback Bernie Kosar. The following tweets were taken directly from Bernie’s Twitter feed dating back to the middle of last month and haven’t been edited or altered in any way.

  • Cleveland Frowns

    In other news, Federal Judge rips [Ohio Secretary of State Jon] Husted for unconstitutional change to Ohio election rules.

    • nj0

      Badass name- Algenon Marbley

      Anyone know if Husted will face any charges or punishment for this?

      • Cleveland Frowns

        Sometimes commenter DK posted on facebook: Husted and State GOP = Floggers for Algenon

        • nj0

          high school reading list references get you +1

      • Believelander

        To answer your question, from my understanding, no. Unless he gets sued or impeached, the only punishment he would face is if we vote his ass out.. And I have no expertise but I dont think a lawsuit here would have much of a chance of actually succeeding.

    • Chris P.

      Hilarious. He’s such a hack. But way more competent than the treasurer.

      I will say this though – he has done nice things with the state website and it really was easily navigable on election night.

      • Believelander

        Hilarious is far from the language I would use, because this is just one obtuse attempt amongst many deft ones to, using one of the Judge’s favorite words, disenfranchise Americans from tights which we assume to be inviolate. From the US Patriot Act, to President Obama’s ordered extrajudicial assassinations of legal US citizens, from Guantanamo Bay to the now codified Indefinite Detention clause that is ambiguous enough in its language to potentially allow Executive decree to detain a US citizen indefinitely without due process – based on the unproven assertion of the Executive that the detainee is a terrorist. Let’s not forget the Arizona law where cops can now demand proof of citizenship from anyone without any probable cause (and by “anyone” we mean Latinos).

        The violations I mentioned have not met with a groundswell of resistance because of the supposed effect of making you safer. You are trading liberty for security. But real scrutiny reveals a trend – the holes our elected officials are poking in our Inalienable Rights and the Constitution, whether Bush, Obama, or Husted, these holes aren’t making us safer, they are just shifting the danger to our lives and livelihoods from foreign powers to domestic powers.

        That the backlash of the Court against Husted is becoming the exception to the rule of uncontested Constitutional violations is disturbing.

        • Chris P.

          How delightfully Libertarian of you. Nope, I’m good with hilarious.

          At some point if I get outraged about everything that I perceive to be failing, it ceases to mean anything.

          And I may not have any real credibility of any sort on many fronts, but I’m great on the ‘when to use capital letters to emphasize a point in a rant’ front, and i’m pretty good on the anti-disenfranchisement thing.

          Husted is one of the few people that stands for, inexplicably, making it harder to vote. So I look down in amusement when he is neutered.

          • Believelander

            I know you didn’t just call me Liberitarian.

            And there aren’t just a few people in office who employ voter disenfranchisement schemes. Anything to win an election.

  • GrandRapidsRustlers

    If Bernie Kosar and Josh Cribbs were to ever get into a deep conversation what happens first:

    1. Heads explode.
    2. Miami and Kent State issue statement that neither of these men actually attended our school.
    3. Pure joy.

    • Beeej

      Pure joy! Bernie is the best color commentator ever. Who cares if he sounds (is) drunk, he knows his stuff. Have any of you ever listened to Harry Caray?

      p.s. What is going on with the comments? Unlike.

      • GrandRapidsRustlers

        He is the best color guy in all of football. He knows his stuff and the drunk voice just puts him over the top. I am stunned that he has not gotten a chance when you consider the lack of talent that FOX and CBS put on the air every week.

        • nj0

          Bernie is too much of a character. TV talking heads have to be as beige as possible.

          • Believelander

            Explain Madden, Colinsworth, Gruden?

            Are color guys allowed to be characters if they’re the sort of character that makes you want to ignore them or commit arson?

      • Believelander

        It’s a good chortle sometimes to poke at Bernie’s voice, and I don’t know the guy to say he isn’t having a cocktail before getting on the air, but the truth is that’s how he sounds when he’s not drunk. He’s mostly drunk on brain damage and the medication to help him deal with that brain damage, which is a pretty sad state of affairs.

        People don’t realize because his mouth still works right (just not the things that come out of it) how badly hamburgered Terry Bradshaw’s brain is.

        • Beeej

          Wasn’t making light of Bernie’s voice, because I think everyone said the same thing the first time they heard him, but every time he announces a game is like have Rodofdisaster watching alongside you. He helps you understand the game better, and for a lifelong football fan it is something I can appreciate. If there were a petition to make Bernie the color commentator for the Browns, I would sign it with my name as well as all of my online aliases.

          The brain damage and my agreement with Acto’s comment from above are why my kids won’t be playing football. Ping pong and chess for them.

          • Believelander

            Ping pong is the shit, and anyone who says otherwise is itching for a fight. Well done, sir.

            Although I would also suggest some good old fashioned baseball. Good stuff, that.

  • rgrunds

    He’s so stopid.

  • nj0

    At first, I wanted to believe that maybe all the typos were caused by an old guy who isn’t tech savvy, but then in the second to last tweet Bernie transcribes Eric Winston’s quote perfectly. Weird.

  • mo_by_dick

    cups of whiskey to anyone who can mock up a video of Bernie dancing to three 6 mafia

  • ChuckKoz
  • ChuckKoz

    holy shit this is funny. i am a “fan” of bernie and have noticed he seems to say some dumb stuff, but i am not on there enough to put it all together. this great investigation brings it all together. amazing work.

    • Believelander

      Yet he’s sharp as a repeatedly concussed razor can be when he talks about football.

  • CleveLandThatILove

    A certain age + big hands + small phone + who knows how many concussions = at least 3 LOLs for me each and every week from my beloved Bernie. Gotta give the guy credit for trying!

    • Beeej

      big hands with disfigured fingers.

    • actovegin1armstrong


      I hope those were just typing mistakes.

      I have had Dane Brammage from way too many concussions.
      I still do well in the constructs of everyday life, but the fact that I would explode without my calendar reminds me that the good ol’ days of blasting people with your helmet, and other sports where I took too many shots to the head need to be reevaluated for future generations.

      Mike Webster et al make me very sad.

  • Ess Eh

    I wonder if that Pucker chap knows the definition of irony….

  • Cleveland Frowns


    • Beeej

      You should probably pass that along to Grossi.

    • BigDigg

      I’ve had stuff stolen from me at that very same parking lot. Travelers beware!

  • rgrunds

    He’s so stopid.

  • bupalos

    Dunno if this is as humorous/innocuous as folks are finding it. I hope so. Hope he’s just drunk and happy.

    What’s that last one?

    Bernie pulling a M. Webster would probably end the NFL for me.

    • Cleveland Frowns

      I feel the same way.

  • actovegin1armstrong

    Early Cheddar

    F1 is starting already!

    Toledo, win

    Florida Int +2

    FSU -31

    Buffalo -11

    The Ohio State University +3

    ****Essay Special*****

    Ravens +3.5

    This is like peeking at the answers of a crossword puzzle.

    Ruthless Raper has a hurt shoulder and he is telling some ridiculous line of crap about his aorta. The Grackles have been beset with injuries as well, but they are on the road to recovery, not on the road to ruin.

    I do like Byron Leftwich but he has not had enough reps as of late to perfrom well in this game.

    Mendenhall is still banged up and that should matter to some degree, but running backs are are like Mongo, “Just pawn in game of life”.

    The Steelers have a terrific center, but he plays next to a mistake prone guard and a rapidly aging tackle, so Leftwich will have to make his reads in a hurry and take hits without flinching like he is the Statue of Liberty.

    I am but a mere neophyte, degenerate gambler, but this line seems crazy to me.

    • jimkanicki

      >> this line seems crazy to me.>>

      indeed it is crazy. the pdf line was locked in wednesday morning before it was known that roethlisberger was out. thus the executive committee ruled that the line post-leftwich should be used on this game:

      ravens -3 at steelers

      let us know if you still want the grackles, sorry, thanks.

  • JM1965

    I grew up watching Bernie battling my Bengals every year. He was an iconic QB and his troubles make me sad. I think he needs help and I hope the Browns organization has his back.

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