Shurmurball Goes a Mile High

by Cleveland Frowns on December 23, 2012

Peyton Manning against starting safeties Eric Hagg and Usama Young. Brandon Weeden against a Broncos pass rush led by Von Miller and Elvis Dumervil. The Cleveland Browns are in Denver and altitude sickness is the prognosis.

itsabirditsaplane

This is your game day open thread for Week 16. Hopefully you’re with family and special holiday-sized bottles today.

  • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

    Also, did everybody see this column from earlier this week on how Joe Banner’s decisions will ‘come quickly’? http://www.cleveland.com/browns/index.ssf/2012/12/cleveland_browns_joe_banner_fr.html

    “Happy New Year? Maybe not.”

    That’s how Mary Kay ends the column. Someone please tell me what on earth this is supposed to mean. What is it that a good person is supposed to be happy about or not here? The column — which just walks through a series of meaningless statements from Banner that tell us nothing that nobody doesn’t already know — doesn’t so much as suggest an answer to this. Dropping that last line in there shows some real Grossi Antoine-Walker-shimmy-level flair.

    This from a person who’s staked out precisely two memorable stances in the last two years: 1) That Colt McCoy will lead the Browns to the Super Bowl; and 2) That Brandon Weeden is going to be the one who fixes everything that’s been wrong with the Browns.

    Happy New Year? MAYBE NOT, GUYS.

    SAVE THE PLAIN DEALER.

  • nj0

    Hey! Thanks to a little luck and the eccentricities of NFL TV scheduling, for the first time this year I’ll be able to watch a Browns game at home on my TV! A 31-inch HD window into the wonder that is Shurmurball!

  • GrandRapidsRustlers

    Pictured in background: How Phil Dawson became best kicker on Earth.

  • Cranky M

    What was that website somebody posted before where you could watch the game online? I’m stuck with Giants/Ravens here.

    • Kamov

      atdhenet.tv

      Works really well – even better if you have ad-blocking and a good .HOSTS file set up.

    • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

      technivore mentioned a canadian feed on twitter today.
      tech: if you see this, what’s the URL for that?

  • jpftribe

    This is a fucking depressing game.

  • Chris P.

    This is fun. I’m on the verge of a divorce, started banging out the makers mark, Tim couch or not, at 4 and just blitzed by 6:15.

    The browns are keeping up their end of the bargain and so am I.

    Touché, shurmurball.

    • Chris P.

      And I missed my picks. Yay. This year sucks.

      • Chris P.

        You know the really fucking depressing part of this game? We’re not playing that bad. For us.

        • Kamov

          Does that mean it’s less depressing now that they’ve started playing worse?

          • Warburton MacKinnon

            More like a return to normal,so kinda less depressing,we have no hopes left this year except the slight possibility we sweep the Steelers.

        • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

          Thought the same thing.

        • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

          yeah, you just failed your internet sobriety test.

          perhaps you were blacked out when eric hagg was attempting to tackle someone or our losing a muffed punt while simultaneously failing to cover two of theirs.

          i guess targeting josh gordon three times (one reception) is to be expected under the shurmurball guidelines so in that sense you successfully touched your nose.

          • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

            I think his comment is more to the thorough banality of Manning’s dissection of our defense. Mine is, anyway. Do you really think TJ Ward would have made much of a difference out there today?

          • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

            ‘would ward have made a diff?’
            um. no. not materially to the outcome of the game. might have shaved 50 yds of YAC and 2nd level runs off their total offense though.
            the bumping-into-tight-ends-and-hoping-theyll-fall-down tackling method continues to blow my mind. why has this not been addressed? it’s not like this is new. it’s not like they dont have practices in the week right? i mean, i know i shouldnt be surprised at any of this but .. wow. just horrible tackling.

          • Chris P.

            No, I disconcur or whatever. Weeden didn’t look bad. The offensive gameplay wasnt bad. The team played well given their abilities.

            To me this game was a referendum on 2 people. Dick “think less play faster” I forget his last name so we’ll just roll with dick, and Tom Heckert.

            This team was shredded by manning. Yes manning is spectacular, but dis irregardless that was a pure talent and strategic mismatch everywhere else.

          • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

            well i thought they played well last week against the skins and it was a just ‘turnover thing.’ so you cant go by me.

          • Warburton MacKinnon

            I disagree with your first points,but agree with everything else. Though I should say this entire season has kinda shown last years high ranking was a mirage due to folks not passing against us(always wonder why pass D seems to count so much more than run D..since that is one are we have done much better than last season). Jauron has always been limeted he has only looked as good as he has for us because our offensive play callers/coaches are so damn bad.

    • Kamov

      Sad to hear about the divorce. Keep on keepin’ on is really all I can say.

  • Brian Sipe

    That does it…. worst record ever for a regime with at least 3 years… Savage and Butch Davis made these guys look bad… sad sad sad

    • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

      Is that NFL history or Browns history or both? Probably both …

      • Believelander

        NFL history? I’m sure the Rams, Lions, and Buccaneers laugh at Holmgren’s paltry 11 and 12 loss seasons. THOSE franchises knew how to lose the shit out of some games.

  • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

    okie dokey. im asking for a sanity check from rod-o and dwhale in particular but from all in general. because i’m just a dumb fan who can’t get nfl execs to return my calls so what do i know. but

    1. we got a rocket arm QB and two 6-3 WRs. one of whom has a 40″ vert. we have a 3rd WR who runs 4.4 40 or less. did we throw one deep ball today? i see all these other teams throwing floaters and letting their guys make plays. ive heard for years that our problem is a lack of ‘playmakers.’ so… what the fuck?

    2. is it me or do we run more end-around (and end-around fakes) than we do honest to god sweeps? is it me or do we have uniquely gifted linemen who are able to get out and lead sweeps? am i imagining that most of the sweeps we have run are good for 5 yards or more? so… what the fuck?

    3. it’s clear that shurmur is the same OC as he was in this game. but what the fuck brad childress? what the hell are you doing? i mean seriously. the game plans are as weak as ever. the adjustments are.. what are in-game adjustments again? just what the fuck is brad childress collecting a check for?

    dont care /no comment on the defense today other than i hope we get serious about re-tooling the defensive backfield. mother of god.

    okie doke. and we thank you for your support.

    • alexb

      Yep, our secondary needs….I don’t know what it needs. There’s top tier talent there so I have no idea why we get gouged on the pass. We didn’t really get to Mannign but we were getting close and he was getting rid of the ball quick….and somebody was wide fucking open on every 3rd down, every single one.

      • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

        i noticed sheard and rucker dropping into coverage on the sides today. i suspect jauron was giving manning different looks in an attempt to confuse him. i believe manning was amused by this. like,, just chuckling as he’s dropping back.

        • alexb

          Of course, Rucker and Sheard are not 3-4 OLB’ers. DOn’t 4-3′s give Manning more issues? The only thing that bothers manning is pressure. Dropping 280lb DE’s into coverage? Really?

  • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

    oh and another thing: doesnt it seem very odd that we didnt make a run at john fox? not even an interview? like there was some gentlemen’s agreement with lamonte and homgrem that fox was slotted to denver and we were slotted with shurmur? wouldn’t just about ANY OTHER nfl ceo interview john fox? i remind you: the john fox who coached a jake delhomme qb’d team to a super bowl and in which they were tied until the final 64 seconds. how the FUCK did we not put a full court press on that guy? the answer of course is our ‘credible serious football man’ wanted… oh never mind.

    • jaws.

      Don’t go over the moon for John Fox. Just another NFL retread. Peyton Manning is why this broncos team is excellent, not john fox.

      • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

        all i can say is: i think you 100% incorrect. i dated a panthers fan for several years and watched fox’s teams. he has always gotten more out of less talent. his team’s play as team. his players will run through walls for him.

        • jaws.

          agree 100% about holmgren cronyism. Just don’t think John fox is anything better than “decent”

      • Believelander

        Went to playoffs with Tebow.

        • jaws.

          Tebow ent to playoffs despite him. imho

  • Beeej

    I missed most of the 4th quarter, but I did see a series and a half of Colt. Are we done talking about him as a possible starter now? Maybe we could make a run at Tebow?

    • alexb

      “are we done talking about him as a possible starter now?”
      Absolutely^^^

      • bupalos

        Pretty done talking about Weeden too. You do realize Chipsy (who is totally horrible) produced more points than Weeds today?

        • alexb

          technically yes but wsan’t it already garbage time pretty much? and that TD was really on little’s outstanding play. I was astounded by how bad weedon threw today. It’s like he has insider info that he’s gone. Made zero attempt to close out the last two games with anything resembling starter material. WTF was that throw he shorted to Little in the 3rd quarter? The one that was a “sure” TD if he threw it to the outside. I mean simple pitch and catch shit right there. They blew the fucking coverage. Colt threw similiar balls when he came in too…..nobody touched them, but they still put it in the dirt like a pitcher trying to keep his sinker low. Just wtf? Can we not draft qb’s anymore please?

    • Warburton MacKinnon

      I am not,this was the first time since the pre-season he was allowed to throw,at all(from his performance I don’t think he has had any practice with this offense during the season),he also had only 3-5 minutes to try and warm up,and he came into a game that was already lost. Granted he could have been better,a lot better, but he was better than Weedon. If you can give Weedon an incomplete because of play calling during games,well you have to give Colt the same benefit. Though I thought the team as a whole played the worst game of the season.

  • atdietz80

    I think I made the right decision in bypassing the Browns game in order to stand in line for over an hour at Great Northern so my son could cry on Santa’s lap.

    • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

      You did the right thing.

  • alexb

    Is there anything on Trent’s injury at the end of the game? My question this week is “do I partake in the Colt and Montario show this weekend?” I just don’t know if I can handle it.

  • bupalos

    Horrible game. Not sure what to expect from a team that has already been told this thing is getting blown up, but I actually expected better than that. That thing was set up soooo sweet for the garbage cover, but Chips betrayed me by trying to actually throw the ball. He could have tebowed me straight into the playoffs, but no.

    WTF was Fox doing leaving all of his top 5 players in that game right down to the last snap?? He almost lost his RB doing it too.

    • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

      Liked for “Chips betrayed me.”

  • jaws.

    Lets stop slurping the Dick Jauron Kool-aid. He has showed the last two weeks that isn’t anything special

    On top of that, Frownie made a good point: compare Seattle’s offensive players to ours. Do you really think seattle has significantly more talent than we do? What makes them a playoff team and us a 5-11 outfit? QB and Coach make all the difference and they really found their stride once they started running the zone-read stuff.

    • bupalos

      >>>On top of that, Frownie made a good point: compare Seattle’s offensive players to ours. Do you really think seattle has significantly more talent than we do? >>>

      Oh HELL yes I do. Are you kidding? Lynch>Richarson by a mile or 3, and there is a loooong equation between their QB and ours. Something like Wilson>Luck>Flacco>Ponder>Weeden>Chips. Receiver corps = or slight advantage for us, lines = (actually they run block a ton better than we do).

      • jaws.

        I meant apart from QB. Should have clarified. And Lynch > T-rich? I mean T-rich hasn’t been great but he is still supposed to be the best RB prospect to come along in a while. I think the Line’s run blocking might be the big difference, but you could chalk that up to coaching.

        • alexb

          Lynch and Trich, way too different runners to compare. Also way too early to compare. If I had to build an offense around a running game I’d still take Trent’s style of running over Lynch, plus I think Trent will be “vastly” more durable over the years and that’s critical.

        • Believelander

          Marshawn Lynch is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than Trent Richardson right now. Let’s revisit this conversation when T Rich is healthy and can average more than 3 yards per carry. But yes, the biggest difference is that for the most part, we have trouble effectively run blocking. With a great run blocking line, scrub RBs will put up yardage.

  • thebearchoo

    Watching the Young/Hagg duo of disaster in our defensive backfield while seeing Mike Adams being productive on a solid defense (it really pissed me off that him being released didn’t catch the flak that it should have) was extremely nauseating, relative to the rest of the game at least which in ever aspect was tough to stomach in itself.

    Did anyone catch the play where big, lumbering tight end joel Dreessen, ball in hand, outran Usama, who slowed into a gingerly jog while the rest of the gang made the tackle five yards ahead of him? Disgusting. To me, that was a snapshot of Shurmurball: outclassed, outcoached.

  • jaws.

    you know things are bad when Chris Brown of Smartfootball takes time to point out how awful shrumurball is.

    https://twitter.com/smartfootball/status/282985456147247105

  • Leftyjsf

    One quarter in an already lost game against one of the best teams in football and people still hanging Chips out to dry. As I have pointed out Colt was statistically better than Weeden. He also did something Weeden couldn’t do in three quarters – throw a Td. Maybe chips isn’t the guy but I know Weeden isn’t.

    Hopefully Banner will send all of the coaches, Heckert and Weeden packing. 5-11 and another last place finish.

    • Believelander

      Yes, Chips could rack up a touchdown in Totally Massive Ultimate Garbage Time when we were down by 25. Congrats, Colt!

      • Leftyjsf

        I think we were down 24 -6 believelander. How many TDs did Weeden rack up in three quarters yesterday?

        • Believelander

          You mean on the 4 possessions before he got annihilated on the second play of the drive? Yeah, we were averaging just over a drive per quarter because our defense couldnt force a punt. And by the way, check the scoring recap. We were down 31-6. Four scores. Flaming plutonium infested garbage time.

          • Leftyjsf

            I stand corrected. Happy holidays.

  • jpftribe

    Through the years we all will be together and
    If the fates allow
    But ’till then we’ll have to muddle through somehow
    And have yourself a merry little Christmas now!

    Season’s Greetings one and all from tropical Singapore….

  • southpaw533

    Josh Cribbs (@JoshCribbs16) tweeted at 8:06 PM on Sun, Dec 23, 2012:
    I see all the negativity on twitter after I gave my life to this shit. So 2 all u who are against me Fuck all y’all! I’m still gonna do me!
    (https://twitter.com/JoshCribbs16/status/283015706658873344)

    • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

      do we have to have an opinion on this?

      • Believelander

        Pretty straightforward as statements go, so unless you are against Cribbs, probably not.

    • alexb

      do we know what wsa said to him? Honestly the guy has gone to war for the Browns so any Cleveland fan that gives that guy even the slightest shit should have his head examined. If we had 22 guys wanting to be Cleveland fucking Browns as much as Cribbs has over the years we might have had a deep playoff run if not a SB appearance.

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