Mary Kay Cabot will not tolerate your Anti-Americanism

by Cleveland Frowns on November 13, 2013

For all the essential analysis that wholly corporate-owned media systemically fails to provide in this era of wholly corporate-owned government, it used to be that at least the sports page was still okay. At least in some places. But if you start removing bricks from an essential pillar it’s probably safe to expect the whole thing to come crumbling down soon. And this week the Plain Dealer’s top Browns beat writer Mary Kay Cabot boldly abandoned all pretense to the contrary in a hail of stars and stripes.

If you didn’t like Ms. Cabot’s column from last week, where she declared that the Browns are the best team in the AFC North, that Rob Chudzinski was a “home run” hire by Joe Banner, and most absurdly, that “Jason Campbell is an elite NFL quarterback,” she has another message for you in her latest. Which is that this is America, damn it, and if Mary Kay Cabot ever goes “a little over the top” in her coverage of the Browns, it’s only because her father is a Korean War veteran who made sacrifices for this country, and also a “super-fan” who “wants to hear some good news about [his] Cleveland Browns.”

“A little over the top this week about the Browns?,” Cabot writes, beneath a photo of herself next to her old man hooked up to breathing tubes in a Sandusky veterans home. “Garbage? Now you know why.”

So shame on you for expecting legitimate Browns analysis in Cleveland’s only “daily” newspaper. You must not have a dad. Or at least not one who’s a veteran and as good of an American and Browns fan as Mary Kay’s dad is.

God bless the U.S.A. God bless the Cleveland Browns. And God bless the Plain Dealer. Go bold or go home.

  • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

    The Browns sure might be the best team in the AFC North, though. Can’t argue too much with MKC there.

    • Chris Mc

      A broken clock is right twice a day.

      • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

        Yeah and things could get ugly in Cincy this weekend, too. Bengals are favored by 6. Seems like the books are begging for Browns action with that line.

        • bupalos

          Never any need to beg Bupalos, but Andy Dalton is not significantly more bet-worthy than JC, and Cinci is missing it’s best defensive player.

          • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

            Nobody who made that point spread doesn’t know those things.

          • bupalos

            Yeah, well do they know that WE HAVE THE CRINKLY, SPARLKLY EYE OF THE TIGER?!!! WHOO HOOO!!!! WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

            Gotta run with this while you can.

          • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

            Jason Campbell is elite.

          • Chris Mc

            Hey Mary Kay: It was really when I read the paper this morning, but I thought you said that Jason Campbell was an elite quarterback and that the Browns were the best team in the AFC North. I’m not sure what you’ve been smoking, but can I have some?

            Howard Bobrow, Solon, Ohio

          • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

            A perfectly fine reply that didn’t require any flag-waving at all.

          • humboldt

            “Elite” (please capitalize the E, as not to minimize grandeur)

          • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

            One of the comments to her first “elite” column:

            “did you mean e-lite in the twerking sense of the word?”

          • bupalos

            You can’t bait me here. You can’t.

            OK you can.

            Jason Campbell has started 80 NFL games, mostly in bad situations. His numbers through those 80 games are clearly superior to a lot of well respected quarterbacks in fair or good situations. That would definitely include guys like John Elway and Eli Manning, and they are just a tick below say Matthew Stafford. We can argue about what is “elite,” but if that is say top 25%, I think it’s not outlandish to say that if he really is this year showing some little bump up from his career performance, he ends the year in that group.

            It really is hard to explain why he’s been discarded so quickly in a league that is starving for competent QB play. He’s never been “bad” and he’s often been fairly “good.”

          • humboldt

            This is an interesting perspective. But for me, MKC’s breathless characterization begs the question of what “elite” skills Campbell is in possession of. Elway was a winner, mobile, elite arm strength; Montana was savvy, smart, athletic; even a contemporary example like Stafford has an elite arm. However, I struggle to identify any sort of outlying skill or intangible Campbell has.

            I must admit, though, I am a big fan of his competence, poise, and equanimity. He throws a nice, confident ball. I still can’t reconcile this with anything approximating “elite”.

          • bupalos

            I dunno. QB is about having the right combination of skills that lets you get the ball to the receiver. Most of the top guys have some unbalanced skill set where one or two positive aspects overpower their apparent negatives and it’s easy to see those outlier traits. But I think a guy just slightly above average in every skill could maybe rise near that level. I’m not sure it has to be based on freak traits. It’s kind of hard to say what it is that Tom Brady does so well, for instance. It seems more like he doesn’t do anything wrong.

            Having a brain that moves fast enough seems to be the biggest requisite, and that’s really hard to judge outside of the results, and it seems to evolve over time for some guys. My defense of JC is certainly and intentionally a little overdone, but it’s only meant to counter the idea that him performing at elite level is unthinkable or preposterous. He’s played fairly well in really bottom of the barrel circumstances. I don’t think it’s outlandish to think he’s the kind of well-rounded type that could catch fire if his mental game has gone up a notch.

          • beeceeinla

            actually, the biggest thing for brady seems to be a unwillingness to be outworked; that has lead to him studying tons of film to learn opposing defenses tendencies, to help him work through his reads. brady can be schemed by throwing different looks at him, as mangini proved a few years back,

          • bupalos

            Agree with this. It’s not just different looks. It’s just taking that mind-game seriously and trying to show him what he thinks he knows, then throwing a kind of random, illogical wrinkle in there.

            Hoyer tries to play Brady’s game, and the Chad Greenway int in the Brown’s win in Minneota was a textbook example of playing a read-qb’s brain against himself.

          • maxfnmloans

            so, a C student (75%) is elite? I like where this is going…

          • bupalos

            Stop it you commie. My dad got a blot clot last year. Do you want his dying thought to be anything other than “JC is our saviour?!” GOD BLESS JASON CAMPBELL AND AMERICA.

            Also, your comment is based on a misunderstanding of bell curves and Lake Woebegonian physics.

          • acto

            Bupa, Please remember that all of our respective commenters are above average.

          • bupalos

            But only 2/3rds of them are “elite.”

          • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

            Love it or leave it, Max. It’s a simple rule.

          • acto

            Campbell has a room full of participation trophies to prove it too.

          • acto

            Campbell may be that experienced retread that I have been asking for.
            Hoyer and Campbell. I will match them with any Journeymen in the league!

          • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

            campbell was definitely looking good for the raiders at the time of the shoulder separation in that browns game in 09? 10? i assumed he was done after the raiders made the palmer deal but it’s very possible that that dumb deal was also dumb in that campbell was better than palmer.

          • acto

            Bupa, The Browns are missing their best defensive player too, they drafted TRich instead.

        • Chris Mc

          Having beaten them pretty convincingly already, and seeing that they’ve lost their best pass rusher, and with Dalton channeling his inner Ginger-Weeds of late, I don’t see any reason why they can’t win again.

      • bupalos

        She’s way more than a broken clock. She’s like a medieval town crier that runs around 24 hours shouting “12 o’clock and all is EXCEEDINGLY WELL LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW SURPASSING FANTASTICALLY WONDERFUL IT IS NOW!!! 12-O’CLOCK EVERYONE!! NOONTIME SWAGGER!! THERE’S A GLEAM FROM THE SUN!! FINALLY!!!”

    • jamick6000

      “sure might be”

      ok

  • bupalos

    MKC is worth her weight in Browns’ internal marketing memos.

  • bupalos

    Holy crap I actually read that thing. It’s really a little worse (better?) than you’ve depicted. She’s pretty openly saying she lies to her dad about the Browns to make his last days easier and make herself feel better about keeping him in an old folks home. And so to keep up this ruse she has to lie in the paper too.

    Pretty amazing column.

    • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

      I was rather blown away by it.

    • Wiseoldredbeard

      Do you think her pops gets mad when he or one of his buddies reads her article and outs the whole plan? The whole thing is rather odd…

  • Wiseoldredbeard

    I laughed pretty hard when I read this, too. My first thought was this explains her prediction that Colt McCoy would take the Browns to the Superbowl. (As an aside, my favorite McCoy memory ever was the drunk lady at the Browns bar in DC who, after Colt crapped away that Thursday night game against Pittsburgh in 2011 yelled: “Colt? More like My Little Pony!!” Nearly every person there offered to buy her a shot.) Pretty embarrassing for a newspaper.

    That aside – what a MONSTER game this weekend. I am already in defcon four (Browns to work ratio 4:1), and it’s only Wednesday. If we pull this off, how can we not be the best team in the AFC North. And sure you can’t call any game against Pitts a gimmie, but we would most certainly be on track to finish 9-7 and slip into the playoffs on a tie breaker. My head would explode.

  • beeej

    MKC to newsroom: “Quick, what is better than laser beams?”
    Shaw: “Shaw’s Spin!”
    Grossi: “Touchdowns!”
    Livingston: “I hate everyone.”
    Shurmur: “Battled?”
    Pop-up ad for Elite Fitness Club: “…..”
    MKC: “Elite it is.”

  • dubbythe1

    YO BROS!!! WHO GOT THAT T-RICH TAPE?!!!!?

  • mrdot

    http://www.firstenergystadiumproject.com/. Hold onto your wallets (and tax revenue), there’s no mention how any of this will be paid for yet other than a nebulous hope that the city/county will contribute something.

    • beeej

      Browns sell naming rights to FirstEnergy for $100 million over 17 years, and it is a shrewd way to increase the bottom line. They want to spend $120 million (with $68 million coming from the NFL), and the public should help with the financing. Makes sense to me. After all, they have put such a quality product on the field year in and year out. Paying 0 taxes and not having to open their books is hard enough in these tough times. Hopefully, we foot the bill.

      • bupalos

        The 100 million has already been eaten up by the playing of twillight zone music on 3rd downs.
        I imagine they’ll be raising the money by getting the City to enter into a mutually beneficial rebate program.

      • Steve White

        Of course we the public have to help. The NFL is a not-for-profit enterprise, you know, just like hospitals and libraries…

      • Beeej

        My thoughts after Sunday, “So, yes on the public financing then?”

  • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

    how do i say this.. about Thanking the Vets.

    Yes thank you.

    but aren’t vets eligible for pension at around 37 and don’t they get healthcare for life? so there’s been a lot of thanking already no?

    and are we threatened by a military invasion or planning to invade someone? if not, how come DOD funding went up in 2012? just more thanking of our military?

    and while there’s some risk of seeing action, no one is going over the top at The Somme in today’s army. the mission is primarily to maintain the security of a wealthy monarchy.. so the keeping world safe for democracy thing -dubious as that policy was- is out the window too.

    so anyway, yes thank you. but can we cool it on this? the idea of a standing military of 2,000,000 is a bit anachronistic and stroking each other about the vets makes it harder to reckon with such new realities.

    • humboldt

      The ghost of Dwight Eisenhower will soon uptick this comment.

      • acto

        And the ghost of FDR.

    • whosevelt

      There’s a difference between thanking the president for what our military does and thanking the soldiers themselves. Soldiers are often patriots who are willing to put their lives on the line for us. That politicians use them as pawns is through no fault of theirs. Of course, when I am president, I will thank veterans and the army by not getting into stupid wars.

    • acto

      ” planning to invade someone?”

      Has it been so long that you have forgotten jk? Our mentally challenged former president started an invasion/moneypit that shows no sign of stopping.
      Every day I see jets full of tax dollars taking off for the middle east.

    • thebearchoo

      Is today’s military (besides those entering with the good intentions/I think I’m saving the world mentality) much different from welfare, guns and neato! weapons that kill brown people aside?
      Example: I graduated a couple years ago and have a friend who spent about five years bumbling through school before leaving with his gf without a degree. Met him a couple weekends ago and he told how he was planning on joining the Guard. Not being a good friend, I pretended to support his idea without telling him that everyone I know who had joined without having the Call of Duty patriot warrior mindset going in regretted their choice.
      But my point is: this person is supposed to be a hero? I think I’m contributing just as much to my country by finishing school, getting a job and contributing to society.

    • Warburton MacKinnon

      Look thepension is only if you are in for 20 years,and 37 only works if you join at 17,also it’s only a partial at 20,around half you need to do 30 years for the full. You also only get healthcare for life if you have a service connected disability, though there are discounts for poor vets,and NONE of it is free. Granted if you make it to the 20-30 years perehaps you also have healthcare provided. What I know for sure is most that have service disabilities never make the time in for a pension, and the healthcare in no way involves dental anymore,unless you had a disability related to the jaw or your teeth(btw this is from personal expieriences dealing with the VA,being a vet and having a service connected disability myself). Though I do see your point and it is and has been over the top for the last 20-25 years about Thanking the Vets etc.

      • bupalos

        I’ve got a friend in now in aircraft maintenance that’s done 3 stints at al-Udeid and we were just talking about this. He says it used to drive him crazy people thanking him because he had no idea what to say back. He finally standardized on something like “Well, you pay me, so thank you, and I hope I make a difference. What do you do?” Then for things like doctors and teachers (esp special needs bc his son is Ausbergers) he’ll make a point to say they probably get to make a bigger difference, and double thank you with a cherry on top.

        Obviously we spend a lot on the military but to my mind I think that should be a “good” job. I actually don’t think it’s generally nearly as well compensated as some similar “give up your life, travel where we say, and risk physical harm” kinds of things. One of my free-lancer’s husbands is a diver that does underwater pipeline repairs and if he went 20 straight years at that I’m sure he could sock away a couple million. Much the worse side of military spending is the million-dollar gadgets. I end up down in Florida at these military contractor shows every year, and it’s really icky.

  • Everyone else

    Context my legal eagle online companion! It was Veterans Day…she was happy to see her father, happy the browns are actually relevant, it brought back good memories of championship football, and one of the few times a year we actually try to give a crap about veterans. Take a couple pain killers, wash them down with some single malt and chilax. If this is this is what your most concerned about….1. The world is finally turning in our favor and 2. We have to get you away from the computer…go walk the dog and try to breath some fresh air.

  • bupalos

    Since the stadium issue is coming up again here, has anyone been following the trials and travails of the MLB’s new Cobb County Braves?

    https://www.thebaffler.com/blog/2013/11/take_me_out_to_the_suburbs

    It’s nothing but money quotes, but here’s the money-est from the Cobb County Republican Party:

    “It is absolutely necessary the (transportation) solution is all about moving cars in and around Cobb and surrounding counties from our north and east where most Braves fans travel from, and not moving people into Cobb by rail from Atlanta.”

    Please, we wouldn’t want any “Atlanta people” at our Cobb County Braves games!

  • Everyone else

    I must have accidentally deleted my post when yesterday when I somewhat in less than reverent fashion commented to you, my legal eagle online friend, that if bashing MK about a fluff piece….written on Veterans Day about her father, his service, his era of Browns championships was worth getting your panties bunched up.
    If I was deleted, then for shame, my independent thinking brother, as you must now grapple with the irony that while your foundation of independent thought and respecting divergent perspective is more lip service than reality.
    Sort of a double whammy when the title of this particular piece claims MK will not tolerate….
    So no disrespect, i do enjoy your site, particularly your research, and perspective. My deepest apologies for laying it on a little thick! Maybe if you still have it….and your read it again you will laugh a bit too.

  • p_forever
  • p_forever
  • Steve

    Maybe I’ve missed it, but there seems to be little coming from Pete on the Browns stadium upgrades and how the hell it’s going to be financed. Is there any chance that Haslem doesn’t pass off his expenses on Cleveland taxpayers?

    • Dan

      It is truly impressive the full court press being put on by the “New Homes of the Browns”. Basically saying “Hey, Jimmy is a billionaire, but they might move, so take all of our moneys!”

    • BigDigg

      I’m guessing that he’s waiting for final details. Great preemptive shot fired by Councilman Mike Polensek though. Going to be hard for Jimmy to salvage a PR win here when it’s been exposed as a team-revenue generating move.

      http://www.waitingfornextyear.com/2013/11/nfl-news-cleveland-browns-stadium-upgrade-councilman/

      I don’t see Cleveland picking up much if anything on this. Here’s hoping sanity prevails…

  • Everyone else

    I enjoyed the article. In context, it was Veterans Day and she was with her father and she tied in the Browns and the optimism around town. I am not sure it is something to get ones panty’s in a bunch over.

    • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

      A piece about her father and Veterans Day and the optimism around town would not have been worth of comment here. But she used such a piece to explicitly to justify a piece of
      writing that she was criticized for. “Now you know why” was the
      headline. It’s the patriotism as justification that’s the problem here. I’m sure you can understand that
      this is a slippery slope.

  • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

    “The combination of unanimous, entirely uncritical appreciation for the military, and the irrational belief that we owe gratitude to the troops for virtually everything we cherish in life, up to and including freedom itself, is very dangerous for our intellectual culture. It stifles any potential for rational, coherent discussion on these matters. It makes us, free citizens of a constitutional society, meek and excessively obeisant. During the World Series games, under the hashtag “TroopThanks,” Americans tweeted their appreciation for the troops. One such tweet thanked the troops for allowing us to “live free. ”Another offered a stern “reminder” that we are only able to enjoy the World Series “because of those who protect our freedoms every day.” This is, of course, preposterous, but it is hardly a fringe belief. It reflects many decades of highly effective propaganda that has convinced generations of people that there is virtually nothing for which we should not thank the troops.”

    http://www.salon.com/2013/11/11/stop_thanking_the_troops_for_me_no_they_dont_protect_our_freedoms/

    • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

      ^^^what i meant to say below.

  • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

    Feels like a really tough spot today for the Browns. The Bengals are desperate to win here after two consecutive high profile losses. They’ve had a couple of weeks now to adjust to their recent injury losses and they have the weapons on offense to do something like what Matt Stafford and Aaron Rodgers did to this Browns defense. Whatever folks think about last week’s Bengals loss to the Ravens, M&T Bank Stadium is as tough a place for a road team to win as there is in the NFL. Thinking back to Cincy’s 49-9 destruction of the Jets a few weeks ago. The regular season has its ups and downs and the Bengals will have more useful tape on the new Browns personnel this time around. Will be very impressed if the Brownies can pull this one off.

    • Beeej

      Game day thread please! Pretty please! With sugar on top!

      • bupalos

        Thank god this didn’t happen.

        • Beeej

          I’m still mad there wasn’t one. I took a walk with my family with the Browns up 13-6 in the second. I come back to see 13-31 with 12 minutes to go in the 3rd. WTF!!! I asked facebook for a recap and got “Browns suck…derpty…derp”, but no reason for the suck-age. This is why I need a thread.

          Minus the 4 plays that resulted in 28 of the 41 points, did we really play that bad? Haden absolutely shut down A.J. Green. That has to be good. Superfan?

          • actovegin1armstrong

            What a coincidence Beeej, The Browns took a walk around the parking lot during the 2nd quarter.

          • beeej

            Were they surveying fans around “FirstEnergy” (or F-Eng as I like to call it. You know cool, hip, fan friendly like “The Jake”) to gauge interest in the new HD scoreboards?

          • bupalos

            I think outside of special teams and time management, the Browns looked like *very slightly* the better team throughout. The offense was stagnant but without punting shenanigans probably would have been good enough to win thanks to (bizarrely enough) one of the best defensive efforts of the last several years.

            The discouraging thing about the game was Campbell drifting towards Weeden style ball (search for the open man) rather than Hoyer style ball (pick your matchup and throw it.)

          • bupalos

            Also if you’ve got the fam around on Sundays you need DVR or gamepass (not supposed to be for the US, but there are ways). Keeps you from being NFL Asshole Dad without sacrificing your addiction.

    • bupalos

      Yeah, in retrospect, I don’t think that was a tough team or place to play at all. Just amazed how far off the focus was. That’s a good grow-up game though, offering our youth movement the moral that if you don’t dot your i’s and cross your t’s then it really doesn’t matter if you are a better team or not.

      Holy gripes did JC look horrible though. Every bit as bad as Dalton.

      • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

        You can’t spell “elite” without a dotted i and a crossed t. But if you get beat 41-20 and it’s not by a tough team or in a tough place, you have some real issues so I’m having a hard time understanding what you’re seeing “in retrospect.” Just one of those accidental 41-20 shitstompings?

        • bupalos

          What I’m seeing in retrospect is that aside from their secondary the Bengals didn’t play well at all, and their crowd was pretty dead. Sometimes, as Homer says, it’s just a bunch of stuff that happened. Like sometimes you get lapped 2-1 in total yards but you get a muffed punt on the 10 and a pick 6 that you’ll never ever see a certain quarterback throw again in his life and manage to score a push. That kind of thing.

          One criteria I have for “shitstompings” is that the other team has to beat you in some category other than punts, so yeah, there were at least two games yesterday that had something of an accidental quality to them.

          • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

            OK but if it was such an accident, how was it so easy for certain analysts to see what a tough spot it was going to be for the Browns?

          • bupalos

            Some people just have a certain innate ability to ferret out the one game in a decade that’s analytically bound to have two blocked punts and 6 turnovers I guess, where the home crowd boos a team that wins by 20.

          • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

            Indeed. Those are the people who I want to hear from.

          • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

            New post is up, anyway. To borrow a phrase, look alive.

  • Chris Mc

    “How Wall Street, not pensioners, wrecked Detroit”

    But I’m sure Dan Gilbert, Kevyn Orr, and more importantly Rick Snyder, are already well aware of this.

    It pisses me off to no end how people get away with this shit, and nobody ever sees the inside of a jail cell.

    http://www.salon.com/2013/11/20/how_wall_street_not_pensioners_wrecked_detroit/

    • Chris Mc

      But hey, they have the money for a brand new $238 million hockey arena!

      • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

        Welcome to Hockeytown.

    • bupalos

      Goddamn it. And half of the pensioners aren’t going to be eligible for Social Security?!? Who knew that? This stuff just gets sicker and sicker.

      Brings to mind one of my favorite lines from the seminal 80′s ‘nam flick Platoon, edited for the message boards of today:

      Fcking Fckers. Fck.

  • bupalos

    Ugh. Did a little coaches film today. The JC performance is truly demoralizing, and I won’t be surprised to see the team go back to the apathy of the Weeden days. The decent receiver looks (in critical situations) are nearly uncountable. He was checking down very favorable matchups constantly.

  • AlvaroEspinoza10

    Surprised there’s no talk about Campbell’s ribs. He “bruised” them against the Ravens and declined to talk about it any further. Seems relevant to the discussion of how he played

    • http://www.clevelandfrowns.com/ Cleveland Frowns

      Someone get Weeden’s cousin on the horn. He’ll know what’s what here.

    • bupalos

      The ribs should have made him more eager to get rid of the ball. Quite the opposite happened. Coaches film shows Cameron was in favorable matchups and positions all day. I counted at least 6 occasions where that was the case, it looked like he was in the read, and Campell went right past him and held the ball for a later dump off. Unless the ribs were so bad that he literally couldn’t throw 12 yards (the long TD speaks against this), it wasn’t the ribs.

      Cameron and Gordon were there all day long.

Previous post:

Next post: