Seattle Super Bowl win leaves Cleveland as America’s most futile sports town by far

by Cleveland Frowns on February 3, 2014

Before yesterday’s Super Bowl win by the Seahawks, Seattle was the only city with teams in three of the major American sports leagues (MLB/NBA/NFL) that came close to Cleveland’s 49-year title drought, with 34 years since the Supersonics’ NBA title in 1979.┬áNow the next closest are Oakland (A’s/Warriors/Raiders) at 24 years, and Minneapolis-St. Paul (Twins/Timberwolves/Vikings) at 22. Cleveland is lapping the field in sports futility now, by far.

It’s as if this place is cursed or something.

Anyway, Johnny Football will save us. The NFL Draft is only 93 days away.

  • Cleveland Frowns

    Also, Cleveland Cavaliers basketball. I was surprised to read that they haven’t won four games in a row since 2010.

    Oh and Kiley and Booms spent their whole show this morning talking about how the Browns should fire Pettine to bring in Dan Quinn.

    • Chris


    • Dan

      I’m not sure it’s worth pointing out, because there are so many different ways you could go about doing the math, but by my version of it, the DVOA of Seattle’s defense is more statistically explained by the preseason grades of their players than is Buffalo’s. That isn’t just to say, blankly, that “off course Seattle’s D was better, they had better players.” It is to more specifically say that the variation from the mean DVOA of Seattle’s D is more highly correlated to their players deviation from mean grades than is Buffalo’s (both Ds performed better than their talent would suggest, but Buffalo by a larger amount) Right? Right. Does that mean Mike Pettine is a good HC or that the Browns will win more than 4 games next year? No. No it does not.

      • jimkanicki

        Did someone mention deviation from the mean vis-a-vis Seattle defensive personnel?

        • actovegin1armstrong

          Shawn Bradley make a comeback as a DB!

        • bupalos

          you didn’t.

    • Jim

      You mean the same Kiley and Booms who skewered the Browns for firing their last coach just ten months after hiring him and are now advocating firing the new coach less than two weeks after hiring the guy? That Kiley and Booms?

  • Gordon G

    Not that this would change the result at all, but wouldn’t it make more sense to factor in actual wins and playoff success instead of limiting it to just #Rings?

    It really sucks that the Cavs didn’t win a title with Lebron, but those playoff years were great.

    Much rather have that than the Lions or Bengals near-yearly shit show.

    • Cleveland Frowns

      I don’t understand this. Detroit has the Lions and Cincy has the Bengals. And we have the Browns. Detroit also has multiple Pistons and Red Wings titles, and Cincy has World Series wins in ’75, ’76, and ’90. Are you saying that the LeBron playoff years were better than Cincy and Detroit’s championships?

      • Gordon G

        I was just calling out two teams with awful histories. Didn’t mean that those cities were worse than Cleveland.

        Regardless of how you slice it, I’m sure Cleveland is First (Worst), but for instance, I think many fans would choose the last 23 years of the Phoenix Suns (zero titles, multiple deep playoff runs) over the Washington Redskins (1 title, otherwise general embarrassment).

    • actovegin1armstrong

      Gordon, every one of those Cav’s seasons ended with a defeat. How great was the 2007 NBA finals? I was court side for the first two games, it was not an uplifting experience. Did you enjoy the next two games?

      • Gordon G

        Didn’t think they had a chance in hell of winning that series. Did it suck to lose 4 straight? Sure, but it didn’t take away at all (for me) from the joy of beating the Pistons.

        • actovegin1armstrong

          I went to the first two games as a guest of a bunch of Spurs fans and as usual I made a complete ass of myself. I knew the Cav’s could not lose that Championship. My legendary sports “special” genius, (thank you Bupa), could not be wrong. Tim Duncan was on his last legs and sure to retire after the season. More importantly, the Spur’s had some talent-less french guy who was soon to be out of the league playing point guard. There was no way the Cav’s could lose that series.

  • zarathustra

    I’m afraid the city wouldn’t even be up to the task of staging a proper celebration even if the browns/Cavs/Indians did win it all. I have been checking the news wire all day for parade details. Nothing. Not even a word of commendation from the mayor’s office. If they can’t muster the proper response for something as prestigous as a cheddar bay champion in our midst than what hope do we have for a lesser event like a browns super bowl victory.
    But nevermind the failure of politicians, I offer my congratulations on a dominant season of reality football.

    • Cleveland Frowns

      Thanks. I should have said “yesterday’s 100% predictable Super Bowl win by the Seahawks.”

    • actovegin1armstrong

      “staging a proper celebration”
      I am ready and willing to begin training Browns fans in the fine art of throwing Molotov Cocktails, flipping over cars, as well as the all important skill of smash and grab looting.
      The coming Shanahan Rebellion should insure the Browns a suitable series of top three draft picks. If we can blackmail the Browns Brainless Trust into picking only the best available O-linemen, D-linemen or Cover Corners, in ten years we can have that Stuporbowl victory and we can burn more of Cleveland than the Hough Riots.

  • actovegin1armstrong

    Frownie, you are selling the respective Cleveland sports teams short, 1965 does not count because it was before the Superbowl era. One must hearken back to the 1948 Cleveland Indians for the last true Championship.
    More importantly we should savor our unique status of failure. We’re Number 1. We’re Number 1.

    • Cleveland Frowns

      I appreciate our unique status as much as anyone and I’m pretty sure that the Browns ’64 title counts.

  • FTCMikeD

    Technically at the moment Seattle is a two sport city, since the dastardly departure of the Sonics to OKC.

  • Warburton MacKinnon

    Been all downhill since Modell fired Brown and then dismanteled the team(coaches,players,standards,ethics), the ’64 championship was the last hurrah of the Paul Brown era. The only time since then the Browns were close was also when they had a coah with high standards,and was also fired by Modell. Don’t know enough about the Indians and Cavs to speak about their issues. Yet my entire life has been spent watching the Browns self destruct, the new ownership and front office makes me think maybe we gave Lerner jr. the kick out to soon…hell I won’t be surprised if we go 0-16 at some point under the new leaders. Really hope I am proven wrong.

  • Coachie

    Hey, what about NYC and poor Knick/Jet/Met fans?
    No Jets title since 69, no Knicks title since 73, and no Mets title since 86. Since 01, Knicks have been worst team in the NBA by playoff achievement aside from the Charlotte Bobcats.
    Wah wah wah, Obamacare don’t cover no wahmbulance

  • Cleveland Frowns

    So did everybody hear the one about how Ray Farmer and the Browns are going to rewrite the dictionary? Craig Lyndall did a good job addressing this at WFNY:

    So Banner’s going to take a victory lap because Farmer doesn’t want to join another dysfunctional organization. The roaring national joke of the Browns coaching search might as well have never happened. The disregard for the intelligence of Browns fan/PD reader continues to astonish and amaze.

  • Cleveland Frowns

    God help Ray Farmer amirite?

  • beeej

    “WHAT THE F*&*?” Oh wait they fired Lombardi too? That’s actually pretty good news. Why do I even care anymore.” –The reaction of every single Browns after hearing the latest.

    The big question now is, what are we going to replace the 3 stooges memes with? Verucca Salt? A blind squirrel (It could symbolize our hope for the future)? Leonidas?

    • Cleveland Frowns

      BOSS IMPERIAL STOOGE. I’ll have a post up on this tomorrow or Friday unless something crazy happens.

    • bupalos

      Holy hell. This is what I get when I go into a 36 hour work coma.

      And all of a sudden you’ve got the structure you would have had if you just did a proper blue-collar job of it from the start. A straightforward talent-maximizing coach and your best talent evaluator at GM and Let’s Go Browns. But can Fracky McRebatescam keep his thinly veiled tantrums in check long enough for it to matter? Tune in next week…

      It’s impossible not to be happy about the Lombardi thorn being extracted. As great as the TR move was, I can’t help thinking Lombardi is the Iago that has been driving this madness all along. I even wonder the extent to which the whole Chud regime was set up to fail. How hard must Lombardi and Banner have been whimping and whining at the feet of future visionary genius McDaniels?

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