Short Frownie Bytes for a Long Day

Quote of the Day: “No man needs a vacation so much as the man who just had one.” -Elbert Hubbard, US Author (1856-1915) (pictured above).

Website of the Day: “On Being Bukharian in New York” - The Q&A with Iris Marcus on the right-hand side of the page is a must-read. An excerpt: "We used to live in Brighton Beach, and there were a lot of Russians there. The women would come in with mink coats and food stamps. And it was very annoying. They knew how to work the system, which we found very aggravating."

Lawsuit of the Day: Class action for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress brought by all persons named Peter against THIS.

Person of the Day: 2008 Scripps-Howard National Spelling Bee winner Sameer Mishra, for the deadpan look on his face in this video when he asks “numb-nut?” before a national television audience. It reminds us of the South Park episode where Cartman pretends that he has Tourette’s Syndrome.

Look for an NBA Finals Preview on Thursday.

Youth: Wasted on the Dumb

Today we wish to bring your attention to the dumbest website that we’ve seen in some time: http://www.thingsyoungerthanmccain.com/. The moron who is responsible for this website wants to make John McCain’s age an issue in this year’s Presidential campaign because he believes that “because the world is a pretty complicated place right now . . . it’s not such a great time to elect our oldest President ever.” This is so f*cking stupid our heads our spinning.

What the dummy who is responsible for this website apparently fails to understand, along with all of the other idiots who want to suggest that McCain is too old to be President, is that the human lifespan is increasing. Anyone who can remember back at least 20 years or so ago should be able to realize that 50 years old today is not what it used to be. Nor is 60, 70, etc. Due to improvements in modern medicine, sanitation, the fact that machines now do much of the hard labor that people used to have to do, and generally increased knowledge of how to take care of ourselves, among other things, we are living longer healthier lives, and this is a good thing – a sign of progress. Moreover, the older that a person can be healthy enough to be President, the better, because an older person will have more years of experience living on Earth than otherwise, and experience is what creates wisdom. This, also a good thing for a President to have. We think that people who don’t get this and make ageist websites and arguments against people who are older than they are deserve to be made redundant at their jobs due to mandatory age limits, and deserve to be ignored by their offspring and placed in nursing homes where their diapers will not be changed as often as they should. And we’re sure that folks like this, with such a bleak outlook on aging, will live out a self-fulfilling prophecy, and will end up in diapers far sooner than those who hold the more reasonable outlook that every day ought to be better than the last. Then, when these people are in diapers, and their offspring will neither visit them in the nursing home nor listen to any of their wise advise, we hope that they will feel bad for making such stupid websites.

As an intellectual antidote to this offensive McCain website, we offer this piece by Ryan Cole published in the 2/27/08 Wall Street Journal, titled “Is McCain Too Old.” This piece briefly touches upon the careers of great world leaders like Winston Churchill, Charles De Gaulle, Golda Meir, Ronald Reagan, and Nelson Mandela, all of whom held office at approximately the same age as McCain would, if he is elected. Mr. Cole explains that:

“This diverse group of leaders shares a common denominator: They faced trying challenges in office and held the reins of power at momentous times in their country's history. They each had a great impact on their respective countries that continues to this today. They are remembered by their accomplishments -- great and visionary war-time leadership, rapprochement and reconciliation in the shadow of war and racial division, and steadfast commitment to defeating the last century's threats to peace and freedom. They are not remembered for their age at the time they entered office.

True enough, age can bring its share of infirmities. But with age can also come knowledge, understanding and expertise. Prior to becoming heads of state, many great leaders were soldiers, generals, ambassadors, activists, political prisoners, governors and ordinary citizens involved for decades with the political system of their respective countries. Some of that same patina can be seen on John McCain's résumé.

Given this precedent, a strong case can be made that age should not be a factor in picking our next president -- unless Mr. McCain, to paraphrase Reagan's famous quip to Walter Mondale, chooses to exploit, for political purposes, his opponent's youth and inexperience.”

We are the World, We are David Stern's

Ed’s note: Due to a technical error, this post was deleted in its entirety when we tried to edit its labels for more accurate classification. We’ve had this problem with posts that include YouTube videos. Unfortunately we don’t have a copy of our original post. We do remember that we expressed our belief that the above video provided interesting food for thought, and that issues surrounding race might be particularly interesting in Japan because of “sakoku” (meaning “country in chains”), Japan’s foreign policy, in place for over 200 years until 1853. Wikipedia tells us that under sakoku, “no foreigner or Japanese could enter or leave the country on penalty of death” for over 200 years, until 1853. In this post we also predicted that the Lakers would beat the San Antonio Spurs in the Western Conference Finals. We noted that with the Chicago Bulls, of the NBA’s third largest media market, winning the NBA’s draft lottery despite the longest of odds, everything seemed to be coming up Stern; and also that this development, combined with the impending Celtics/Lakers NBA Finals, was further proof that it’s David Stern’s world that we all just live in.

Cavs vs. Celtics Game 6 Preview, and A Major Award

We wrote before Game 5 on Wednesday that while folks expected the Game 5 LeBron magic that we've grown accustomed to, LeBron did not have it in him, physically, to get it done. We were right. LeBron busted out of the gates with 23 first half points, but was ineffective in the second half. Folks who want to credit the Celtics defense for this are giving the Celtics defense too much credit. LeBron is hurt. And his hurt back is even going to his head. He's forgetting to tip waiters at his favorite restaurants, which embarrasses all of us Clevelanders. The boy needs rest.

So now David Stern turns his attention to the next round, where his Celtics must get over the Detroit Pistons in the next round to arrive at Stern's wet-dream Lakers/Celtics media schlob-fest. Stern knows it will be no easy task for the Boston to get over the Stones, and we don't expect he's taking any chances with this one. To get the Celtics some extra rest, he'll call in the zebras tonight in Cleveland. We're picking another Celtics victory tonight. We're not even sad about it. The state of LeBron's health right now is such that a Cavs victory would be phyrric. We'll be launching our "he better not play in the Olympics" campaign next week. The Pick: Celtics +2.5 over Our Broken Cavs.

Finally -- if anyone doubts just how powerful the forces are that are behind the impending Stern wet-dream Lakers/Celtics media schlob-fest, consider again the free pass that Kevin Garnett has received for pounding his chest and screaming "f*cking f*ggots" to the Cleveland crowd, all captured in slow motion on TNT. Compare this to the treatment that our own Brady Quinn received from major media outlets when he was alleged to use an anti-gay slur in a fight outside of a bar in Columbus this winter. This wasn't even captured on camera, let alone broadcast in slow-motion to millions. Try this google search, "Kevin Garnett anti-gay slur." Our Wednesday post about this issue is the number one result, with no other major media coverage of this story anywhere in sight. Try "Kevin Garnett gay slur" The results are even more remarkable. Cleveland Frowns is the third result, and the first two are stories about the ALLEGED Brady Quinn incident. We will write more about the disparate treatment these two incidents have received in the media in a later post, but for now, we wonder: are we missing something? To find out, we'll send a Major Award, aka a $50 money order, to the first Cleveland Frowns reader who can direct our attention to coverage of this issue in a major American publication this week. We'll define major loosely, as a publication that appears to be more "major" than the site of our friends at Waiting for Next Year. Email us at clevelandfrowns@gmail.com with your results. Happy hunting!

Fan-imosity: An Ugly Side of Sports -- Special Report by Dennis B.

While no major American city has a sports history that’s as remarkably tortured as Cleveland’s, the city of Philadelphia is phoremost among the few that come close. Here at Cleveland Frowns, we believe that getting over our own curse is as simple as coming to terms (and getting rid of) the racist caricature, Chief Wahoo, that represents our baseball team (and something much worse). Burying Wahoo will be no easy task, for certain, but it seems to be something little compared to what it looks like the Philly fans must get over to break their own curse. To illustrate this point, we present the following piece by loyal reader and a friend who's been with Cleveland Frowns before anyone knew what being with us was, Dennis B., a Cleveland area native who was raised a Pittsburgh sports fan. Dennis went to Tuesday night’s Stanley Cup semifinals match in Philadelphia between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Philadelphia Flyers, and has filed the following report:

Fan-imosity: An Ugly Side of Sports – by Dennis B.

I’ve never been big hockey fan, but after attending my first professional hockey game this week, I’ll quickly admit that playoff hockey comes second to none in the sports world for intensity and atmosphere. I learned this first hand Tuesday night at Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals between the Penguins and Flyers here in Philly. The atmosphere was as intense as I've ever experienced at a sporting event. Think fast paced action of the NBA combined with the sudden death scoring element of soccer, and the punch-your-face-in element of a street fight – and all of it on ice. The Flyers were down 0-2 in the series and a 3^rd straight loss would have put the dagger in them. So let’s just say the crowd might have been a little more fired up than usual.

I grew up in Cleveland and was raised as a Pittsburgh sports fan so I’m a something of a lost sports soul living here in Philly. I had some idea of what I was getting into by representing Pittsburgh at last night’s game, but never expected it would be as bad as it was. I went to the game with three friends who are die-hard Penguins fans. Two of them were decked out in full gear while two of us simply wore Pittsburgh hats. We were harassed a whole lot which we expected and understand, to some extent. But when the harassment turns into physical confrontation and violence, it’s time for us to re-evaluate ourselves as fans of a game. (Read that last line again, this is all over a GAME.)

I'm no stranger to rowdy and hostile environments at sporting events (I’ve been to many Eagles, Phillies, Steelers, and Big Ten football games, among others), but have never been in a situation this bad. It was so bad that I decided to take off my hat halfway through the game to appear to be neutral. I told my friends (and they agreed) that pride could take a backseat to safety. We were seemingly outnumbered 20,000 to 4, and I saw no reason to be a hero in these circumstances. A few minutes later I was in the bathroom and watched as a fan in a Pens jersey had full beers thrown at his head while he was taking a leak. There were two 8 year olds in the men’s room at the time with their dad. I jokingly asked the dad if his kids heard this kind of awful language and saw things like this on the school bus. He shook his head in disbelief. Needless to say, I can’t imagine that this father, or others in similar situations, will bring his kids to another game. And what’s scary is that some of them do. Maybe that’s the problem. As I was walking back to my seat, about 10 ushers & cops in the arena went running past me towards the bathroom. I have an idea of what could have happened.

And here’s where it gets worse for our group. As we’re walking to our car after the game, the harassment continued, but in more dangerous form - full bottles and cans were continually fired at us in the parking lot. Even the die-hard Eagles fan who was in our group couldn't believe the hostility. (And Eagles fans are known to be the worst. After all, they booed Santa Claus one year at a home game in December) We were advised to pick up and carry beer bottles with us all the way to the car just in case something went down.

I understand and accept hard-core fans and home team pride, hell, I love those things, and I am those things. But I'll never understand resorting to physical violence and wanting to put someone in the hospital because they wear a different colored jersey. I realize that booze fuels a lot of this, but even buzzed friends can prevent friends from getting involved in this nonsense. I’m not pointing my finger just at Flyers or Philadelphia fans. It happens in every city to some extent. But it's a damn shame, especially for those of us who live in the city where it's most rampant. And after all that I’ve seen first hand at Philadelphia sporting events and elsewhere, I’m sure that it doesn’t get worse than it gets here. It’s also a shame that after this experience I’ll never find myself rooting for the Flyers, even though I came into the game as a relatively unbiased fan, and now call Philadelphia my home.

Of course, with all of that said, if the Pens look like a sucker bet in Game 4, there’s only one thing to do: pony up on the Flyers and root up, because, as Frownie up there knows well, bizness is bizness.

Cavs vs. Celtics: Game 5 Preview

Before we get to talking about tonight's game, we want to express our shock at the lack of reporting/public outcry about the fact that media darling Kevin Garnett shouted an anti-gay slur (f*cking f*gg*ts) at the Cleveland crowd during game four. This was picked up by and broadcast in slo-mo by the TNT crew, as you can see in the above video. While this has been discussed on some local blogs, there has been nothing on ESPN about Garnett's hateful use of the word, and a Google searches using terms like "Kevin Garnett" "slur" "gay" "anti-gay" and "f-ggot" turn up no major media stories about this incident. We're awfully curious as to why this is the case, but it is consistent with the general media fawning over Garnett and this Celtics team, and only reinforces our conspiracy theories about David Stern and his plans for an untainted Lakers/Celtics NBA Finals.

As for tonight's game: The last two games have shown that the Celtics have bigger problems than most people anticipated (excellent piece by Bill Simmons today about that), and that LeBron's supporting cast is better than they've been given credit for. The big trade for Ben Wallace, Wally Sczerbiak, Joe Smith, and Delonte West is paying big dividends, with all four players making tremendous contributions in Game 3 and 4. Now the Cavs have the momentum going into game five in Boston tonight, in a round 2 where road teams are 1-17. Cavs expert Brian Windhorst reminds us that the Cavs have been here before, and this is where LeBron has been at his best, having led the team to victory in Detroit in the exact same situation in each of the last two years.

But in both of these games, LeBron has, quite literally, carried the team on his back. As Cleveland Frowns readers well know, we don't think he has it in him, physically, to do that tonight. Despite his well-rounded performance, and his jaw dropping dunk on Monday night, LeBron's scoring output is significantly down, he's still shooting well below 30% for the series, and, with rare exceptions, is not moving with the same force and speed that we're accustomed to seeing. We're going to keep hedging, and stick with the Celtics, and will of course be pleasantly surprised if our pick is wrong. The Pick: Celtics -9 over Our Cavs.

Cousin Larry drops 40. Now we do the Dance of Joy!

Who was that Perfect Stranger who dropped 40 on the Magic in the Cavs 118-111 road win over the Orlando Magic? It’s wonderful to see Cousin Larry Hughes pulling his weight for the Cavaliers fam, especially the day after being embarrassed at home by the Nuggets. Eschewing his usual strategy of clanging 15+ foot jumpers off the rim, Hughes relentlessly attacked the bucket, and there was little Orlando could do to stop him. Hughes shot 12-13 from the free throw line. Let's hope this is the start of a trend.

Relatedly, will we ever see a show like Perfect Strangers again? Back in the 80s and 90s it was OK to make fun of people from different cultures in a prime time sitcom. Perfect Strangers was a show about the misadventures of a Balkan immigrant from the fictional island of Mypos, the moronic sheepherder Balki Bartokomous who comes to America to live in Chicago with his American cousin, Larry Appleton. Balky tells Larry that "Philo, (his) fifth cousin three times removed is the step-uncle to (Larry's) father on (Balki's) mother’s side, two continents removed." Cousin Philo! Like the dough! Get it? Presumably to make Balki a more believable character, ("What would someone from Mypos sound like?"), he spoke with an affected immigrant accent. “Patience ees a veergin, Coosin Lahree.” A show about a Balkan immigrant named Balki -- roughly the equivalent of a show about a Chinese immigrant named Chinky. For better or worse, anyone who thinks that we’ll see another Perfect Strangers anytime soon should consider the reaction to the Salesgenie commercial that aired during last week’s Super Bowl.

I wonder what Mr. Twinkacetti would say about this.