Thank You, Terry Pluto . . .

for writing this, in response to pieces like this, in which the authors seem to rejoice in LeBron's recent proclamation that New York is his favorite city and that Akron is his fifth favorite City. Cleveland didn't make his top five list. These authors point fingers at the Cavs, saying things like "Thus far the Cavs have looked like the same old bumbling franchise that had the enormous fortune of winning the 2003 lottery when an otherworldly talent from just down the road happened to be available."

Same old bumbling franchise? Really? The same Cavs who were a LeBron missed layup away from taking the NBA Champion Celtics to a Game 7 overtime in the Eastern Conference semis? The same Cavs who were the second to last team standing in the NBA two seasons ago? Sure. Why let logic get in the way of the "let's watch LeBron crush Cleveland by leaving" meme?

Thankfully, Mr. Pluto intervenes:

"Listen to the talking heads on TV, most of whom don't believe James actually likes Northeast Ohio. They can't imagine anyone really wanting to live here. We're Devil's Island, only with worse weather. So James has to leave, because they would leave if they were James.


Some media types insist they've heard "from those close to James" that the Cavs star will head east the moment his contract expires in 2010. They point to how the Knicks and Nets are cleaning up their salary-cap situations, creating room to bid for James in 2010.

How about this scoop? James is now hanging around with SpongeBob SquarePants, and the two were spotted chomping crabby patties at the Krusty Krab. He must be ticketed for Bikini Bottom in 2010, not just making a cartoon for kids stressing the need to exercise.

Here's a little logic: NBA rules say the Cavs can offer James one more year and about $20 million more than any other team. This is not baseball, where Boston (Manny Ramirez), the Chicago White Sox (Albert Belle), Philadelphia (Jim Thome) and Texas (Kevin Millwood) can outbid a Cleveland team for its stars on an open market.

Here's a little history: The last player to walk away from a maximum contract (the kind James will be offered) to sign for less with another team was center Shaquille O'Neal, when he left Orlando for Los Angeles in 1996. When other big-name free agents such as Steve Nash moved in the summer, it was
because their teams did not offer a maximum deal."

Good points, all.

Dan Wetzel at Yahoo Sports, rightly points out in the above linked Danny Ferry hit piece that "LeBron doesn’t need New York to cash in as a media superstar or a marketing sensation – he’s making hundreds of millions in endorsements in Northeast Ohio. This is a different era and as big and bold as New York is, it isn’t the only place anymore. The guy signed a $105 million Nike deal out of an Akron high school, after all." Yet Wetzel persists, like others, in explaining LeBron's Newyorkophilic proclamations as digs at the Cavs front office -- "shots across the Cavaliers' bough," and sure signs that he'll leave for the East Coast in the summer of 2010.

The point that nobody makes in these "LeBron is leaving" pieces is that LeBron has every incentive to make New Yorkers and Clevelanders think that he might leave for the Knicks or Nets. Look at all the love he gets from these folks. If he plans to stay in Cleveland, it certainly doesn't hurt him any to have New Yorkers weak-kneed for another few years at the prospect of him joining their team. It only helps him sell more shoes, and whatever else he wants to sell. It only gets him more attention. One might say that if this were the case, LeBron wouldn't want to put the Cavs front office and fans on edge in such a way. But we don't know what LeBron has told the Cavs front office behind closed doors. And he knows that the fans here will always love him while he's here. And a little anxiety probably even helps. And if he does decide to stay in Cleveland, it will be that much more of an emotional victory for us here. He'll be that much more of a hero after getting us all worked up. And he can sit back at a press conference, wink, and tell us that he was going to stay all along -- that he was just pumping the New Yorkers up to sell more shoes. This might not be the case, but we have no idea that it's not, and given LeBron's incentives to make everyone think that he would leave, it's foolish to discuss LeBron's statements about New York without keeping this in mind.

Thanks to Matt Sussman at Deadspin for the links and the photoshopped image.

Update: Excellent piece on this topic here at Waiting for Next Year, and Greg Doyel of CBS Sportsline weighs in nicely here.

Curse of Wahoo Update

Yesterday, Ben Keeler at the Akron Beacon Journal website politics.ohio.com linked to our essay on the Curse of Chief Wahoo. Last week, Kyle at the Chief Source linked to the piece at his site, and Keeler linked to it at the Keeler Report. Yet despite this exposure, and our own not insignificant efforts to get folks to sign our online petition to end the Curse of Chief Wahoo, only 29 have signed so far. These results and the comments here and at the above mentioned sites show just how strongly folks feel about Wahoo. Commenters on these sites have called us "crazy," "foolish," "lunatics" and "f*cking idiots." Yet nobody has articulated a good reason why Cleveland should cling to the only racial caricature currently accepted in American society -- one that potentially mocks the genocide of our nation's first people and reinforces the image of Natives as anachronistic savages -- as the symbol of our baseball team and a symbol for our City. Further, folks' willingness to dismiss the idea of a curse is at least amusing. Is basic karmic justice that hard to understand? Apparently. Should it be? No. Please please please sign and pass on our petition if you want to help end Cleveland's curse. Otherwise, enjoy whatever exquisite sporting misery will be put on our plate next. The Drive. The Fumble. The Shot. The Move. The Ninth Inning of Game Seven. There's no reason to think that it can't and won't continue to get worse. All of the Natives buried in these parts give us plenty of reason to think that it will. Meanwhile, the Indians continue to suck.

Note: The photo at the top shows Chief Wahoo on a William & Mary football helmet. Weird. There's obviously some more interesting history to chase down here, which we will do our best to do. Stay tuned.

Mr. Bubble Goes Pop?

With the basketballs out of the way, we’re free to focus on more important things, like NFL training camp. To that end, let's drop in on burly ex-Buckeye and New York Jets first round pick Vernon Gholston. According to this recent New York Post report, he's behind most other rookies in learning the Xs and Os due to Ohio State's late graduation date, and an NFL/NCAA rule that prohibits rookies from participating in training camp until their class graduates.

Jet's coach Eric Mangini is unsympathetic: "It's not his fault that he couldn't be here, but it's not like he was getting his master's . . . He had plenty of free time. In between 'Judge Judy' and what is it, 'Days of Our Lives,' whatever is on during the daytime, you can study. There are enough hours in the day regardless of how many curls you're going to do."

We think that the Mangenius touches on something important with that last comment about curls, as does Jets safety Kerry Rhodes, who astutely observes about Gholston that, “he’s a big dude.” Indeed. We wonder how he can even move through all of that muscle. We can’t remember ever seeing a rookie enter the NFL looking as muscle-bound as Gholston. We don't think that this portends well for his NFL future.

We generally like Gholston, based on what we read about him. Word is, he’s a good kid. And whether or not he’s used steroids, he obviously has a strong work ethic. While we wish Vernon the best, we’re afraid that his hard work on his body has been largely misplaced. This is because he looks like the prototypical product of an American athletic training culture that grossly overemphasizes a build-up of the muscular system at the expense of all of the other human body systems -- skeletal, circulatory, nervous, all of them. This starts in high school, where the athletic training of football teams is focused almost entirely on lifting weights and running, with little to no attention paid to the underlying structure that holds the muscles together. A little bend over and (try to) touch your toes, maybe a few jumping jacks, then hit the weights, kid. This is why there’s more snap, crackle and pop in American football training camps than in a bowl of Rice Krispies. Take a look at the NFL injured lists in August and you’ll see.

Yet this culture prevails, despite the fact that it might take years of focused exercise, say yoga practice, for example, for one to achieve the alignment of the arms, legs, and spine that is necessary for optimal health. Binding one’s self with one’s muscles moves one in exactly the wrong direction here. Leaving aside the lack of mobility and the resulting risk of long term back problems, how long before one of Gholston’s tendons or ligaments snaps under the pressure of all of that beef? Our guess is not very long. This is why we’ll be shocked if Gholston makes it through his first season or two in the NFL without losing a significant amount of time to a major injury. LeCharles Bentley, Kellen Winslow, and Braylon Edwards are recent local examples of this ligament-snapping phenomenon, and these gents weren't nearly as overloaded as young Gholston.

One might suggest that becoming bound with muscle and the attendant injury risk is the price of success in the National Football League. But young folk in Ohio and elsewhere who want to get in good shape to play football might look at the divergent examples of two recent Ohio college football stars as proof that this is not the case. Miami Dolphins defensive lineman, perennial Pro-Bowler, 2006 NFL Defensive Player of the Year, and Dancing with the Stars Finalist Jason Taylor (pictured at left, too sexy for his shirt) provides convincing proof that a musclebound physique is not required to achieve NFL greatness, even in the trenches. In fact, Taylors lithe physique likely contributes to his success.


And surely we remember the last former Buckeye to get carried away with building his musculature. Ease up on the iron kids. Choose life.

2008 NBA Finals, Stakes is High: Can Celtics Bring Order Back to "Best in the League" Discussion?

So far this Finals series looks like it might provide us with merciful relief from the insulting chorus of claims that Kobe Bryant is “the best,” or worse, “clearly,” or “unquestionably the best” player in the NBA.

Best we can figure out, people think that Kobe is the best player in the NBA because he has the prettiest jump shot. Or is it because he’s a Laker? A combination of both? What else could it be? His obsession with dominating the court (obsessive compulsive disorder)?

If the Lakers don’t at least take the Celtics to game 7, how is Kobe any “better” than LeBron? LeBron played hurt throughout these playoffs, and still came within one shot of a game 7 overtime with these Celts. Would he have been able to do more with this Lakers roster? If the Lakers don’t win this thing, anyone who wants to say that Kobe is better than LeBron has to also say that the Cavs roster minus LeBron is better than the Lakers roster sans Kobe. Could the latter be true? Are, say, Gasol, Odom, and Fisher worse than Ilgauskas, Delonte West, and who? Szczerbiak? Joe Smith? Tough one, but we don’t hear anyone asking these questions when they tell us that there’s no question that Kobe’s the NBA’s best. Oh, where have you gone Kelly Dwyer?

And are either Kobe or LeBron better than Paul Pierce? Probably. But we owe a special debt of gratitude to Free Darko’s Shoals for reminding us that Pierce is the Celtics’ guy. For all of the attention that’s focused on Garnett -- he’ll get 20, he’ll get 10, he’ll D your face off, and he’ll do it every day -- he’s not the guy like Pierce is the guy who will make plays to take over a game and win it. And this is how it played out against the Cavs. Thinking about the Celtics in this way -- with Pierce as the guy, and Garnett as the most solid of supporting cast members, or even with Pierce as the leader at one end of the court, and KG as the leader at the other -- makes them seem a lot more dangerous. And so does the fact that everybody’s favorite Celtic, Eddie House, should be getting more burn due to Sam Cassell’s injured wrist.

We’re not going to pick this one because it will hurt too much to feel like we’ve walked into another one of Mr. Stern’s traps, but; GO! CELTICS! Help us turn this “Kobe is the best” noise OFF.

Tips About Tips: LeBron Not Such a Jerk After All?

So LeBron James might not be such a bad tipper, or such a jerk, after all. About a month ago we linked to this Deadspin post that discussed this Cleveland Scene item that reported that LeBron left a $10 tip on an $800 bill at Cleveland’s XO Steakhouse after eating and drinking there with a group of folks until approximately 4AM.

Last week we came across this letter to the editor by Davey Houston of Lakewood on Page 5 of the June 4-10 issue of Cleveland Scene, in response to the Scene piece about the alleged incident. Houston’s letter reads, in part: "You’re taking LeBron to task for a misunderstanding. Didn’t anyone see the report on Channel 19 that said the b*tchy little crybaby server looked at the bill wrong and was actually left a very generous tip?”

No. No we did not see the report on Channel 19. Nor can we find any evidence of this report on the Channel 19 Action News website, or anywhere else. Has anyone out there seen this report? This is important. A quick Google search of “LeBron bad tipper” reveals a number of published items about this alleged incident, none friendly to The Chosen One. LeBron has taken a lot of heat for this, and -- as much fun as it is for us to believe that anyone richer or more famous than we are must be moral failures with rotting souls -- if Mr. Houston’s letter is accurate, the good name of King James should be restored.

We’re inclined to believe Mr. Houston. Foremost, LeBron is surely savvy enough to know the damaging effect that such an action would have on his image. And we’re sure that he eats out a lot. If he’s such a bad tipper, why haven’t we heard a story like this before? The “black people don’t tip” explanation offered by many in comments on the various posts about this story doesn’t pass the smell test either. Could Mr. Houston be making this up about a Channel 19 story as part of a crusade against “b*tchy crybaby servers” everywhere? Not likely. And maybe someone at Cleveland Scene saw the Channel 19 report, which is why they published Houston’s letter in the first place.

Moreover, a statement by one of LeBron’s representatives to the New York Post's Page Six corroborates Houston’s account. James’ rep said that “[t]here was a misreading of the receipt, and the appropriate tip was provided.” As evidence of the hit that LeBron’s image has taken from this story, this quote was spun in the New York Post item, snarkily titled “Needs Glasses,” to mean that it was LeBron who misread the receipt. This still makes LeBron look like a jerk, because, of course, who could misread a receipt that badly? But the more likely story, consistent with Houston’s letter, is that the server misread the receipt, and James’ rep’s statement meant that “the appropriate tip was provided” in the first place. If this is, in fact, the case, it was a reserved statement by LeBron’s rep, and a classy move not to call out the server in retribution for the damaging non-story.

Under normal circumstances, one letter to the editor referring to a news report that we can’t find much evidence of (yet) wouldn’t be a very big deal. But there wasn’t much behind this story in the first place. It was based on an anonymous tip, yet it proliferated quickly and widely, with damaging effect to LeBron. We have emails and calls in to Channel 19’s sports and news directors, and will follow up if/when we hear from them. In the meantime, please share any info you might have on this in the comments, or via email.

Update 6/9/08, 1:12PM: We just received an email from Ryan Minnaugh of the Channel 19 Sports Department who confirmed that a story about LeBron's XO tip did run on 19 Action News, and was able to forward an excerpt from what he called "the copy from the story that ran on Channel 19 Action News." The excerpt reads as follows: "BUT JUST THIS AFTERNOON, THE RESTAURANT MANAGER RELEASED A STATEMENT. HE'S CALLING THE WHOLE THING A "MISUNDERSTANDING". SAYING, THE WAITER MUST HAVE SEEN THE WRONG TIP AMOUNT ON THE RECEIPT. LEBRON REPORTEDLY SENT AN EVEN BIGGER TIP, TO CLEAR THE WHOLE THING UP."

We realize that this could be a case of XO's management protecting the reputation of a good customer, but we don't think that this explanation is any more credible than the story that's been accepted and spread throughout the internet -- that the image conscious and media-savvy LeBron would be such a jerk by leaving such an insulting tip. We're going to give him the benefit of the doubt here.

Update 6/10/08, 6:55AM: Thanks to commenter Zak who posted a link to this piece from TMZ.com which contains a more complete statement from XO Steakhouse management about the tipping incident:

“For the record, XO would like to clear up a misunderstanding resulting from a story that appeared in the Cleveland Scene on May 7th...Upon completion of his meal, Mr. James paid his bill with a credit card. Our waiter mistakenly read the receipt, inferring that Mr. James had left him only a $10 tip. To clear up the misunderstanding, Mr. James arranged for an appropriate tip to be delivered to the restaurant for the waiter.”

This statement should not have been so hard to find among the dozens of items bashing LeBron on this story (“LeBron sucks at tipping,” “How LeBron Stays Rich: By Stiffing Restaurant Employees on Tips,” “Bad Tipper: LeBron James tips 1.25% on $800 Tab”). Folks have asked how this post proves anything about LeBron’s tipping habits. The point is that it proves that he tips well (or at least not $10 on $800 bad) at least as much as the widely proliferated Scene story proves that he doesn’t. Thanks to Davey Houston of Lakewood, Ryan Minnaugh and Fox 19 Action News, Deadspin, TMZ, and commenter Zak for helping to get the other side of the story out there.

Youth: Wasted on the Dumb

Today we wish to bring your attention to the dumbest website that we’ve seen in some time: http://www.thingsyoungerthanmccain.com/. The moron who is responsible for this website wants to make John McCain’s age an issue in this year’s Presidential campaign because he believes that “because the world is a pretty complicated place right now . . . it’s not such a great time to elect our oldest President ever.” This is so f*cking stupid our heads our spinning.

What the dummy who is responsible for this website apparently fails to understand, along with all of the other idiots who want to suggest that McCain is too old to be President, is that the human lifespan is increasing. Anyone who can remember back at least 20 years or so ago should be able to realize that 50 years old today is not what it used to be. Nor is 60, 70, etc. Due to improvements in modern medicine, sanitation, the fact that machines now do much of the hard labor that people used to have to do, and generally increased knowledge of how to take care of ourselves, among other things, we are living longer healthier lives, and this is a good thing – a sign of progress. Moreover, the older that a person can be healthy enough to be President, the better, because an older person will have more years of experience living on Earth than otherwise, and experience is what creates wisdom. This, also a good thing for a President to have. We think that people who don’t get this and make ageist websites and arguments against people who are older than they are deserve to be made redundant at their jobs due to mandatory age limits, and deserve to be ignored by their offspring and placed in nursing homes where their diapers will not be changed as often as they should. And we’re sure that folks like this, with such a bleak outlook on aging, will live out a self-fulfilling prophecy, and will end up in diapers far sooner than those who hold the more reasonable outlook that every day ought to be better than the last. Then, when these people are in diapers, and their offspring will neither visit them in the nursing home nor listen to any of their wise advise, we hope that they will feel bad for making such stupid websites.

As an intellectual antidote to this offensive McCain website, we offer this piece by Ryan Cole published in the 2/27/08 Wall Street Journal, titled “Is McCain Too Old.” This piece briefly touches upon the careers of great world leaders like Winston Churchill, Charles De Gaulle, Golda Meir, Ronald Reagan, and Nelson Mandela, all of whom held office at approximately the same age as McCain would, if he is elected. Mr. Cole explains that:

“This diverse group of leaders shares a common denominator: They faced trying challenges in office and held the reins of power at momentous times in their country's history. They each had a great impact on their respective countries that continues to this today. They are remembered by their accomplishments -- great and visionary war-time leadership, rapprochement and reconciliation in the shadow of war and racial division, and steadfast commitment to defeating the last century's threats to peace and freedom. They are not remembered for their age at the time they entered office.

True enough, age can bring its share of infirmities. But with age can also come knowledge, understanding and expertise. Prior to becoming heads of state, many great leaders were soldiers, generals, ambassadors, activists, political prisoners, governors and ordinary citizens involved for decades with the political system of their respective countries. Some of that same patina can be seen on John McCain's résumé.

Given this precedent, a strong case can be made that age should not be a factor in picking our next president -- unless Mr. McCain, to paraphrase Reagan's famous quip to Walter Mondale, chooses to exploit, for political purposes, his opponent's youth and inexperience.”

LeBron Robbed; Kobe to Win MVP; Cleveland Frowns Throws Up Jazz Hands

So it looks like Kobe Bryant is our 2007-2008 NBA MVP. Kobe is our MVP even though LeBron joined Oscar Robertson and Michael Jordan this season to become the third man in NBA history to average at least 30 points, 7 rebounds, and 7 assists per game. This is so beyond dumb that it’s hard for us to get worked up about it. By every measure LeBron James is having a better season than Kobe, and I don’t think it can be questioned that the if the two players switched teams, the Lakers would be better, and the Cavs would be worse. (Would any Cavs fan trade LeBron for Kobe? No.) Anyone who wants to argue this point must explain why LeBron has elevated his Playoff game in each year of his career and was able to singlehandedly lead the Cavs to the NBA Finals last season, while Kobe has struggled to lead a stronger supporting cast to a .500 record for the last three seasons without making a peep in the playoffs. Kobe proponents point to the Lakers better record in a better conference. Kelly Dwyer, in two excellent posts at Yahoo Sports about why LeBron should be MVP, responds well to these dummies:

“[Kobe] shouldn't be handed an MVP just because Andrew Bynum can ball now and the Grizzlies decided to hand the Lakers Pau Gasol. Meanwhile, James is just destroying people in Cleveland. Pulling in more rebounds on a team that owns the boards even without him (there's not a lot of stray rebounds to go around) and racking up assists on a team that can't shoot straight (44.1 percent, 24th in the NBA).

And yet, those who still consider Bryant to be having the better season than LeBron have no issue overlooking the fact that Bryant scores less, shoots worse, rebounds worse, assists worse, and plays on a team that averages fewer possessions than James' team. To them, Kobe's better because ... well, he just is.

The, "LeBron plays in the East!" cry is getting a little old. LBJ averages 29.8 points, 47.4 percent shooting, 7.1 assists, and 7.9 rebounds against Western teams. When James plays, the Cavs are 16-11 against the West. Kobe averages 29.7 points, 48.8 percent shooting, 6.5 boards, and 5.4 assists (again, in games with more possessions) against the West -- awesome -- but for some reason lets his averages go to relative pot against the East. You'd think it'd be because of the Lakers blowing Eastern teams out, but Kobe actually averages more minutes per game against Eastern squads than against Western outfits, and contributes less. Weird.

Worse, James is going to get burned by voters who will credit him for MVPs likely won from 2009-2019 and hand it to Kobe just because he's playing "unselfish" basketball."

LeBron dominates while carrying a bad team on his back, putting up better stats than Kobe in all major categories. He's nearly averaging a triple double in the playoffs, while playing with a bad back. Kobe is less productive on a better team. Kobe’s award makes clear that the NBA MVP award has become a lifetime achievement award like the kind that they hand out at the Oscars or Grammys. Dumb dumb dumb.

The least we can do about this injustice is make a play on the Jazz to beat the Lakers in the Western Conference semifinals. We’re not crazy about Utah; we’re concerned with Carlos Boozer’s poor play against Houston in the first round (and with the fact that he is a traitor), we’re pretty sure that the Lakers have a deeper bench; and we know that the NBA is salivating over the prospect of a Lakers/Celtics NBA Finals. But even aside from Kobe’s stupid award, these Lakers just don’t appeal to our BrownsTown sensibilities. We think that Kobe’s MVP award might have the same effect on him that the Heisman trophy has on college players playing in big bowl games. Plus, Utah’s Deron Williams is dope, we’d take Mehmet Okur in a knife fight over anyone on the Lakers roster, and, perhaps most importantly, don’t f*ck with Jerry Sloan. Finally, this play goes well with yesterday’s series play on the Magic because the Jazz are 3 to 1 underdogs, which means that we’d come out substantially ahead even if these two plays split. All reason enough to wave our Jazz hands. The pick: Utah Jazz +300/100 over the Lakers to win the series.

Update: 5/4/08, 3:43 PM --

Soulja Boy Gets Over on King in Bullsh*t NBA Playoff Feud

By now many of you have seen this video or have heard Jay-Z’s new anti-DeShawn Stevenson diss track “Blow the Whistle.” While the video contains some excellent highlights - showing how thoroughly LeBron dominates the Wizards in the Playoffs - this track, and Jay-Zs involvement in this “bullsh*t NBA Playoff feud,” serves only to embarrass LeBron and (especially) Jay, and unnecessarily elevates the status of DeShawn “Soulja Boy” Stevenson. In sum, if you’re DeShawn Stevenson, you call LeBron “overrated,” LeBron responds, and Jay-Z makes a track about it, you’ve already won, no matter who wins the basketball games.

To illustrate how dumb this whole thing makes Jay and LeBron look, consider the track’s inconsistency with LeBron’s initial reaction to Stevenson’s comments:

“With DeShawn Stevenson it is kind of funny. [For LeBron to respond would be] like Jay-Z saying something bad about Soulja Boy. There’s no comparison. Enough said.”

Enough said. Right. Which is why, when your pal Jay-Z makes a track about it, you only demonstrate that Stevenson actually did get under your skin, giving him underdog status, and making him easier to root for.

To make this all much worse, the lyrics of the track are painfully dumb themselves. First, there’s:

“So big we ain’t gotta respond.” Yes Jay, you’ve certainly demonstrated that.

Then there’s: “Hatin’ is only gonna make him (LeBron) spend a night out of spite with the chick you’ve (Stevenson) been datin.”

Attaboy Jay. Way to make things easier on LeBron at home. Wonder what LeBron’s baby momma Savannah Brinson thinks about all of this, or with LeBron’s relationship with Jay generally. One thing is certain, Tim Duncan would never get himself wrapped up in this kind of bullsh*t. Tim Duncan has four championships.

Finally, there’s this from Jay, about himself: “Don’t compare me with nobody. I’d rather not be mentioned. I’m offended.”

First, it’s unclear who he’s addressing here because it was LeBron who first mentioned his name in this feud. Second, he’s obviously lying. If he truly didn’t want to be mentioned, he wouldn’t have cut this track. Jay is clearly enjoying himself here.

If anyone can find even one decent line in this track, please direct our attention to it in the comments.

We agree with Rob Harvilla of the Village Voice, who, in this excellently titled piece, explains that “Jay-Z is probably siding with LeBron here because he aims to woo the guy from Cleveland to Brooklyn in a couple years, just in time to join the relocated Nets, who will play in a fancy new arena.” We know that LeBron looks up to Jay-Z as a mentor. This episode should cause LeBron to question that relationship. What kind of mentor, out of obvious self interest, inserts himself into and escalates a silly dispute in which his mentee is involved, embarrassing himself and his mentee in the process? If anything, this whole episode should show LeBron that it would be a bad move for him to leave the Cavs to become further wrapped up in bullsh*t like this. To show how desperate Jay is here, consider the inconsistency of this episode with his own earlier, wiser words, from one of the greatest hip-hop diss tracks of all time, The Takeover:

“A wise man told me don’t argue with fools. Cause people from a distance can’t tell who is who.”

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves, Jay.

PS: We really hope the Cavs can get it done tonight. It looks like the Hawks are going to battle the Celtics, and it would be great if our guys could get some rest in the meantime. The Celtics are led by veterans, so a longer series with the Hawks should take an extra toll on them physically. Also, the Hawks are an incredibly fun team to watch. Josh Smith looks like a superstar, he’s from Atlanta, and the hometown crowd is eating it up. LeBron, take note. There’s no love like home town love.

PPS: There are good times are to be had in the comments at the Village Voice piece. A major award goes to anyone who can locate this “King of Crakron” dude and get him to start commenting over here. “Reppin the 330 to the 216, Crakron to Thieveland.” Word.

Update: From Dan Steinberg at the Washington Post -- DeShawn's doing an excellent job playing up his newfound underdog/thug status (excellent links in this post). Didn't Jay learn anything in his beef with Jim Jones? LeBron's involvement in this nonsense is enough to make us want to take the Wizards and the points tonight (even though we're rooting for the Cavs). Check back later for a pick.

Update -- 5:17 PM: So yeah, we're going to pick the Wizards +5 in this one. We want the Cavs to win, but with silly self-made distractions like this stupid Jay-Z track, LeBron and the Cavs have made it harder on themselves. And we're sure that Jay wouldn't have released this track without checking with LeBron first. As such, Bron himself has had a hand in Jay-Z publicly contradicting one of his own better works of art. Friends don't let friends. This couldn't be anything that the basketball Goddz look upon with any favor. This also isn't anything that dumb bettors would be wise to (75% are going with the Cavs). We'd love to go Cavs here, but our moral profile won't let us. We'll be rooting for the home team, but this play will take some of the sting out if they lose. The Pick: Wizards +5 over the Cavs.

Update -- 5/1/08, 5:27 PM: DeShawn Stevenson's swagger was undeniable last night in the Wizards win. He had 17 points and 5 rebounds, and threw himself all over the court. He ripped his jersey off after the win and threw it in to the stands at the Q. Hope that this wears off by tomorrow's game.

Why Even Have a Bullpen?

Of course, it gets worse before it gets better. The Tribe lost 2-1 in the 10th inning yesterday in Minnesota after Rafael Perez gave up consecutive singles (all shots) to the 9th, 10th, and 11th batters that he faced. One might ask, why leave Perez in to face that 11th batter? Your guess is as good as ours, which is that Eric Wedge is retarded. Perez, a set-up man, usually pitches one, no more than two, innings. When Brendan Harris, then Jason Kubel, hit hard singles off of him to put runners at first and second, he had faced 10 batters, having retired six of them. Seemed like an honest days work for old Raffy at that point. It sure looked like time to bring in Jensen Lewis who’d been warming up in the bullpen. In fact, the entire bullpen should have been available with Cliff Lee, Jake Westbrook, and Paul Byrd all turning in solid (7+ inning) starts for the series. With the day off today, there was even less of a need to preserve arms. Justin Morneau, the Twins best hitter, 2006 AL MVP, and one of the best hitters in baseball was up next. It might be that Morneau was 0 for his career against Perez, who, in fairness to Wedge, had struck Morneau out in the eighth inning. Even so, Perez had already pitched beyond his normal game day workload and had been hit hard by both of the previous two batters. Plus Morneau had already seen Perez once that afternoon. Yet Wedge decided to let Perez face him again, giving Morneau a chance at redemption. The Twins were the home team. The pressure was all on Perez. We saw it coming from a mile away. Thwack! Game winning single to right field.

If you don’t use your bullpen in a situation like that, when do you use it? These relief pitchers aren’t starters for a reason. Isn’t the whole point of a bullpen to bring fresh new pitchers in out of it to keep batters off balance at the end of a game? Neither the Plain Dealer nor Beacon Journal reporters who filed stories about this game cared to raise this question, both choosing to focus on the Tribe’s weak offense. Why these reporters didn’t raise this issue, which was directly and chiefly relevant to the outcome of the ballgame, is anyone’s guess. Until we get any information to the contrary, we will assume it is because they are either too entrenched to want to ask the tough questions, or are retarded themselves. Probably both. Either way, we're watching you Wedgie. And we did not like what we saw yesterday. At least today’s off day (and this bit of good local news) gives us a chance to rest our frowning muscles. . . unless LeBron breaks his back tonight.

Salty Saturday

The weather has been beautiful this week and we’re still salty. The curse of Chief Wahoo is really wrecking sh*t these days.

The Tribe is now 5-9 after dropping two straight to Boston in the ninth inning. Oh, by the way, hope you didn’t want to see Boston play in Cleveland any more this season, because after that two game series this week, they won’t be back 2009. That’s right. Our old American League rival, and last year’s opponent in the ALCS only plays in Cleveland twice this season, in April. The outdoor temperature in these games ranged from between 25 and 50 degrees. The San Diego Padres play more games in Cleveland this year than the Red Sox do. So FOX can make more money on Red Sox/Yankees and Yankees/Mets? Retarded. Oh, and hope you’re not busy next weekend if you wanted to catch the Yankees this year. They won’t be back until next season either. Retarded. Just like our retarded muscle-bound closer who finally figured out that his triceps hurt after Manny took him deep in the ninth on Monday. You pitch baseballs for a living. You are wrecking your bones, joints, and ligaments by lifting weights and that is why you can’t throw. Dummy. We will ask again. Who the f*ck is training these guys?

On to the Cavs, who are in even worse shape, as they head into a postseason that has disaster written all over it. The options appear to be twofold: First there is the potential epic embarrassment of going down to the Wizards who will be bloodthirsty for revenge after being bounced from the playoffs by Cavs in each of the last two seasons. With LeBron’s bad back, the Wizards’ chances are better than ever. The thought of Deshawn “Soulja Boy” Stevenson getting over on the King makes us cringe. What’s worse is that LeBron is likely to do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening, and is liable to cause serious long term damage in the process. We said before LeBron’s back injury surfaced, that his duck-toed gait was a recipe for future long term back problems. These back issues are likely much more serious than LeBron realizes.

And the Browns have three Monday night games next season. This is bullsh*t. Football is for Sundays. Monday nights are for sleeping. Sometimes the Monday night games last until 1am. That f*cks up the whole week. And the Monday night announcers suck.

Finally, and worst of all, it looks like the Curse of Wahoo has spread to New York, probably due to our affiliation with Shea Hey. Has anything sadder than this happened at a ballpark recently? Ever? F*ck.

We’re going to the game tonight so we'll make a pick. Since Sabathia is pitching tonight, we’re taking the over. 87% of the bettors at Sportsbook.com like the under. These dummies obviously don’t understand what a mess big CC is this year. We do. The pick: Indians and Tigers OVER 9.5.


Also, if you think we care that it's not Saturday you are dumber than Borowski.