Thank You, Terry Pluto . . .

for writing this, in response to pieces like this, in which the authors seem to rejoice in LeBron's recent proclamation that New York is his favorite city and that Akron is his fifth favorite City. Cleveland didn't make his top five list. These authors point fingers at the Cavs, saying things like "Thus far the Cavs have looked like the same old bumbling franchise that had the enormous fortune of winning the 2003 lottery when an otherworldly talent from just down the road happened to be available."

Same old bumbling franchise? Really? The same Cavs who were a LeBron missed layup away from taking the NBA Champion Celtics to a Game 7 overtime in the Eastern Conference semis? The same Cavs who were the second to last team standing in the NBA two seasons ago? Sure. Why let logic get in the way of the "let's watch LeBron crush Cleveland by leaving" meme?

Thankfully, Mr. Pluto intervenes:

"Listen to the talking heads on TV, most of whom don't believe James actually likes Northeast Ohio. They can't imagine anyone really wanting to live here. We're Devil's Island, only with worse weather. So James has to leave, because they would leave if they were James.


Some media types insist they've heard "from those close to James" that the Cavs star will head east the moment his contract expires in 2010. They point to how the Knicks and Nets are cleaning up their salary-cap situations, creating room to bid for James in 2010.

How about this scoop? James is now hanging around with SpongeBob SquarePants, and the two were spotted chomping crabby patties at the Krusty Krab. He must be ticketed for Bikini Bottom in 2010, not just making a cartoon for kids stressing the need to exercise.

Here's a little logic: NBA rules say the Cavs can offer James one more year and about $20 million more than any other team. This is not baseball, where Boston (Manny Ramirez), the Chicago White Sox (Albert Belle), Philadelphia (Jim Thome) and Texas (Kevin Millwood) can outbid a Cleveland team for its stars on an open market.

Here's a little history: The last player to walk away from a maximum contract (the kind James will be offered) to sign for less with another team was center Shaquille O'Neal, when he left Orlando for Los Angeles in 1996. When other big-name free agents such as Steve Nash moved in the summer, it was
because their teams did not offer a maximum deal."

Good points, all.

Dan Wetzel at Yahoo Sports, rightly points out in the above linked Danny Ferry hit piece that "LeBron doesn’t need New York to cash in as a media superstar or a marketing sensation – he’s making hundreds of millions in endorsements in Northeast Ohio. This is a different era and as big and bold as New York is, it isn’t the only place anymore. The guy signed a $105 million Nike deal out of an Akron high school, after all." Yet Wetzel persists, like others, in explaining LeBron's Newyorkophilic proclamations as digs at the Cavs front office -- "shots across the Cavaliers' bough," and sure signs that he'll leave for the East Coast in the summer of 2010.

The point that nobody makes in these "LeBron is leaving" pieces is that LeBron has every incentive to make New Yorkers and Clevelanders think that he might leave for the Knicks or Nets. Look at all the love he gets from these folks. If he plans to stay in Cleveland, it certainly doesn't hurt him any to have New Yorkers weak-kneed for another few years at the prospect of him joining their team. It only helps him sell more shoes, and whatever else he wants to sell. It only gets him more attention. One might say that if this were the case, LeBron wouldn't want to put the Cavs front office and fans on edge in such a way. But we don't know what LeBron has told the Cavs front office behind closed doors. And he knows that the fans here will always love him while he's here. And a little anxiety probably even helps. And if he does decide to stay in Cleveland, it will be that much more of an emotional victory for us here. He'll be that much more of a hero after getting us all worked up. And he can sit back at a press conference, wink, and tell us that he was going to stay all along -- that he was just pumping the New Yorkers up to sell more shoes. This might not be the case, but we have no idea that it's not, and given LeBron's incentives to make everyone think that he would leave, it's foolish to discuss LeBron's statements about New York without keeping this in mind.

Thanks to Matt Sussman at Deadspin for the links and the photoshopped image.

Update: Excellent piece on this topic here at Waiting for Next Year, and Greg Doyel of CBS Sportsline weighs in nicely here.

2008 NBA Finals, Stakes is High: Can Celtics Bring Order Back to "Best in the League" Discussion?

So far this Finals series looks like it might provide us with merciful relief from the insulting chorus of claims that Kobe Bryant is “the best,” or worse, “clearly,” or “unquestionably the best” player in the NBA.

Best we can figure out, people think that Kobe is the best player in the NBA because he has the prettiest jump shot. Or is it because he’s a Laker? A combination of both? What else could it be? His obsession with dominating the court (obsessive compulsive disorder)?

If the Lakers don’t at least take the Celtics to game 7, how is Kobe any “better” than LeBron? LeBron played hurt throughout these playoffs, and still came within one shot of a game 7 overtime with these Celts. Would he have been able to do more with this Lakers roster? If the Lakers don’t win this thing, anyone who wants to say that Kobe is better than LeBron has to also say that the Cavs roster minus LeBron is better than the Lakers roster sans Kobe. Could the latter be true? Are, say, Gasol, Odom, and Fisher worse than Ilgauskas, Delonte West, and who? Szczerbiak? Joe Smith? Tough one, but we don’t hear anyone asking these questions when they tell us that there’s no question that Kobe’s the NBA’s best. Oh, where have you gone Kelly Dwyer?

And are either Kobe or LeBron better than Paul Pierce? Probably. But we owe a special debt of gratitude to Free Darko’s Shoals for reminding us that Pierce is the Celtics’ guy. For all of the attention that’s focused on Garnett -- he’ll get 20, he’ll get 10, he’ll D your face off, and he’ll do it every day -- he’s not the guy like Pierce is the guy who will make plays to take over a game and win it. And this is how it played out against the Cavs. Thinking about the Celtics in this way -- with Pierce as the guy, and Garnett as the most solid of supporting cast members, or even with Pierce as the leader at one end of the court, and KG as the leader at the other -- makes them seem a lot more dangerous. And so does the fact that everybody’s favorite Celtic, Eddie House, should be getting more burn due to Sam Cassell’s injured wrist.

We’re not going to pick this one because it will hurt too much to feel like we’ve walked into another one of Mr. Stern’s traps, but; GO! CELTICS! Help us turn this “Kobe is the best” noise OFF.

Tips About Tips: LeBron Not Such a Jerk After All?

So LeBron James might not be such a bad tipper, or such a jerk, after all. About a month ago we linked to this Deadspin post that discussed this Cleveland Scene item that reported that LeBron left a $10 tip on an $800 bill at Cleveland’s XO Steakhouse after eating and drinking there with a group of folks until approximately 4AM.

Last week we came across this letter to the editor by Davey Houston of Lakewood on Page 5 of the June 4-10 issue of Cleveland Scene, in response to the Scene piece about the alleged incident. Houston’s letter reads, in part: "You’re taking LeBron to task for a misunderstanding. Didn’t anyone see the report on Channel 19 that said the b*tchy little crybaby server looked at the bill wrong and was actually left a very generous tip?”

No. No we did not see the report on Channel 19. Nor can we find any evidence of this report on the Channel 19 Action News website, or anywhere else. Has anyone out there seen this report? This is important. A quick Google search of “LeBron bad tipper” reveals a number of published items about this alleged incident, none friendly to The Chosen One. LeBron has taken a lot of heat for this, and -- as much fun as it is for us to believe that anyone richer or more famous than we are must be moral failures with rotting souls -- if Mr. Houston’s letter is accurate, the good name of King James should be restored.

We’re inclined to believe Mr. Houston. Foremost, LeBron is surely savvy enough to know the damaging effect that such an action would have on his image. And we’re sure that he eats out a lot. If he’s such a bad tipper, why haven’t we heard a story like this before? The “black people don’t tip” explanation offered by many in comments on the various posts about this story doesn’t pass the smell test either. Could Mr. Houston be making this up about a Channel 19 story as part of a crusade against “b*tchy crybaby servers” everywhere? Not likely. And maybe someone at Cleveland Scene saw the Channel 19 report, which is why they published Houston’s letter in the first place.

Moreover, a statement by one of LeBron’s representatives to the New York Post's Page Six corroborates Houston’s account. James’ rep said that “[t]here was a misreading of the receipt, and the appropriate tip was provided.” As evidence of the hit that LeBron’s image has taken from this story, this quote was spun in the New York Post item, snarkily titled “Needs Glasses,” to mean that it was LeBron who misread the receipt. This still makes LeBron look like a jerk, because, of course, who could misread a receipt that badly? But the more likely story, consistent with Houston’s letter, is that the server misread the receipt, and James’ rep’s statement meant that “the appropriate tip was provided” in the first place. If this is, in fact, the case, it was a reserved statement by LeBron’s rep, and a classy move not to call out the server in retribution for the damaging non-story.

Under normal circumstances, one letter to the editor referring to a news report that we can’t find much evidence of (yet) wouldn’t be a very big deal. But there wasn’t much behind this story in the first place. It was based on an anonymous tip, yet it proliferated quickly and widely, with damaging effect to LeBron. We have emails and calls in to Channel 19’s sports and news directors, and will follow up if/when we hear from them. In the meantime, please share any info you might have on this in the comments, or via email.

Update 6/9/08, 1:12PM: We just received an email from Ryan Minnaugh of the Channel 19 Sports Department who confirmed that a story about LeBron's XO tip did run on 19 Action News, and was able to forward an excerpt from what he called "the copy from the story that ran on Channel 19 Action News." The excerpt reads as follows: "BUT JUST THIS AFTERNOON, THE RESTAURANT MANAGER RELEASED A STATEMENT. HE'S CALLING THE WHOLE THING A "MISUNDERSTANDING". SAYING, THE WAITER MUST HAVE SEEN THE WRONG TIP AMOUNT ON THE RECEIPT. LEBRON REPORTEDLY SENT AN EVEN BIGGER TIP, TO CLEAR THE WHOLE THING UP."

We realize that this could be a case of XO's management protecting the reputation of a good customer, but we don't think that this explanation is any more credible than the story that's been accepted and spread throughout the internet -- that the image conscious and media-savvy LeBron would be such a jerk by leaving such an insulting tip. We're going to give him the benefit of the doubt here.

Update 6/10/08, 6:55AM: Thanks to commenter Zak who posted a link to this piece from TMZ.com which contains a more complete statement from XO Steakhouse management about the tipping incident:

“For the record, XO would like to clear up a misunderstanding resulting from a story that appeared in the Cleveland Scene on May 7th...Upon completion of his meal, Mr. James paid his bill with a credit card. Our waiter mistakenly read the receipt, inferring that Mr. James had left him only a $10 tip. To clear up the misunderstanding, Mr. James arranged for an appropriate tip to be delivered to the restaurant for the waiter.”

This statement should not have been so hard to find among the dozens of items bashing LeBron on this story (“LeBron sucks at tipping,” “How LeBron Stays Rich: By Stiffing Restaurant Employees on Tips,” “Bad Tipper: LeBron James tips 1.25% on $800 Tab”). Folks have asked how this post proves anything about LeBron’s tipping habits. The point is that it proves that he tips well (or at least not $10 on $800 bad) at least as much as the widely proliferated Scene story proves that he doesn’t. Thanks to Davey Houston of Lakewood, Ryan Minnaugh and Fox 19 Action News, Deadspin, TMZ, and commenter Zak for helping to get the other side of the story out there.

BronBron Bummed By Big Brown Bomb -- Special Report by Coachie Ballgames

Studied up on the G Code.
Said stay down with the frowns.
Now I walk pigeon-toed.

BronBron staggered wildly down the court, drove to his left and threw up a desperate jumper that skidded across the rim to the right. He turned upcourt, perhaps too drained by the thousand invisible daggers protruding from his oft-discussed back to feign more than the slightest consternation over a foul call that never came.

Now, who would be the one to thrust the final dagger in his side? Jesus Shuttlesworth? Nope. Coach Calhoun's finest is still emotionally drained from the last time he balled in a big game, when he popped off Denzel over that letter of intent for Big State. Paul Pierce? He's already been stabbed on the reals soooo…. K.G.? Voltron/Ubuntu's figurehead? Too preoccupied with the peculiar way Rajon had dropped the soap after Game 6. Could he be? First the entire Cleveland crowd now Rondo? Couldn't be! Nahhhh, thought employee #5 as he, yet again, clunked his shot at glory.

Nope. In the end it came down to the aptly named P.J. Brown, either a hobo's Kurt Thomas or a Billionaire Boys Club's Horace Grant, depending on your point of view. Ugh.

Whatever your opinion on the middling efforts of Jim Paxson and Danny Ferry to surround AK-Rowdy's chosen sunn with a championship-level supporting cast or his daffy-duck-esque gait, it was still all there for the taking at the end of Game 7. What if Boobie had been the one taking the clutch threes at the end of the game? What if LeFawn had nailed his own late three? What if he had made that first free throw? Why did no one box out P.(latinum) J.(elly) Brown? What if Bron had enough biofuel left in the Escalade to block Paul "Compared to Dominique? Really? Really??" Pierce on that jump-ball scramble at half-court? Why didn't they call a flagrant on that flagrant on Bigg Z? Why they come up with the witness protection? Why they let the terminator win the election? Come on, pay attention!

What's the silver-dollar hotcake lining? A properly-motivated G can only benefit from such a heartbreaking humbling, as F. Scott Fitzgerald told us in the "The Four Fists." If Lebron truly is the AK-Rowdy Allah to Bird's Basketball Jesus then he will spend his summer working tirelessly on his jumper, as both Jordan and Bryant did before him. Required summer reading should include Bird's "Drive," for how to be a competitive asshole, Bo's "Bo Knows Bo" for Buddhist riddles such as "When I die I want to come back as an F-16" (Bo, Bo, that should be If and not When) and, of course, Frownie's yoga posts. For a title in Northeast Ohio aka The Heart of the Heart of It All, is most assuredly within reach before Jay-Z swoops in with that 40/40 Club loochi for a marquee 2010 debut as a Newark Net (Brooklyn's a bigger pipe dream than one of Mario and Luigi's acid trips). As often as the Cavalier supporting cast is derided, they were still just one errant loose ball or one-more big Bron basket from a Rolling Bones rematch. Bron needs to work on his jumper, fershure, but, like Harold Melvin without the Blue Notes, he'll never go platinum without 'em.

Ed's. note: We're taking the Celtics to win their series with Detroit because of Ubuntu, because they've already taken out the best player in the league, and because David Stern wants them to win. The Pick Celtics -150 over Detroit Pistons to win the series.

Are You There God? It's Me, Frownie

No. No we are not enjoying this Cavs/Celtics series. With every step LeBron takes up or down the court, we feel his pain acutely, even if he doesn’t. If we could bet on this, we would bet that LeBron is taking frequent Varsity Blues-style pain-killer shots before, during, and maybe after these games. Part of us can hardly blame him. He’s a competitor, a warrior, he knows he’s the best player in the game, and nobody is going to convince him that he can't and won’t lead the Cavs to victory in any given game. With this mindset, it is easier for him than it is for us to overlook the long term damage that he’s doing to himself. We hope we’re wrong, and we wish that we could talk ourselves out of this, but we can’t. We realize that LeBron has played some excellent ball in this series, and has made some explosive plays. But the fact that he is doing this is only a testament to his otherworldly talent, not his health, which continues to deteriorate before our eyes. He is almost lumbering down the court at times, and wears a near constant wince on his face. The fact that he’s horse-collared out of mid air by the opposing team at least 5 times per game doesn't help, and even lends an air of quixotic absurdity to his efforts. It is killing us. We want it to stop. The Pistons next round? And then the Lakers? Put the needle away LeBron. It’s not worth it. Get healthy. You have a long career in front of you. Choose life.

So today we pray to the Basketball Goddz to spare us another Pyrrhic victory and let our guys go home. And, since we’ve come this far, broken, bloodied, and bruised, we’re going to see it all the way through and put our money where our prayers are: The pick: Celtics -8 over the Cavs.

Lemonade: So Bitter. So Sweet.

We realize that it doesn’t take much, but our minds are absolutely blown by the fact that nobody is suggesting that LeBron’s singularly un-LeBron like poor performance in the first two games of this playoff series against the Boston Celtics is due to a back injury. LeBron sat out a number of games at the end of the season because his back was hurting. As we’ve written/proselytized at length, back problems are serious, and anyone with feet aligned as LeBron’s are would be susceptible to back problems. If his back was hurting at the end of the season, why would it be hurting any less now? After more basketball games? After playoff basketball games? Against Soulja Boy? Despite what the dummies that are paid to write about our Cavs are writing, it’s no mystery why LeBron is playing so badly against the Celtics. His back hurts. He would not be playing like this if he was not hurt. The Celtics are not the Spurs. That this is apparently not obvious goes a long way toward explaining why the Cavs are favored to win tonight. We also understand that LeBron has Juice (JUICE), especially in front of the home crowd, and people rightly believe in him. We also suppose that Cavs backers are also encouraged by the fact that all three of the other Conference Semifinalists in this year’s playoffs won and covered after returning home in their respective series in 0-2 holes. It’s true. When people make bad picks those bad picks are usually based on bad reasons. In view of LeBron’s back problems, the above mentioned are all bad reasons to take the Cavs tonight. 60% of the players are playing the Cavs here. Reee-markable.

Maybe the Cavs will win tonight, but we can’t see any good reasons why we should put our Magic Stones on them. We’re pretty sure that the sooner this season ends the better. LeBron needs rest. Let’s not get down about this sweep, Brownstowners. It should be good for LeBron, and therefore good for us, in the long term. Let’s take these playoff lemons that have been thrown at us and turn them into some lemonade. Let’s take the Celts tonight. Even if we lose, we win. The pick: Boston Celtics +2 over Our Cavs.

Ducks, Pigeons, LeBron’s Bad Back, Cliff “Apesh*t” Lee, Secret Weapons, and Jazz Hands Take 3: Luck the Fakers

The Cavs/Celtics series is over. It should be obvious to anyone who has watched a healthy LeBron James play basketball that LeBron James is not healthy. LeBron has been silent about his back problems throughout the Playoffs. And why shouldn’t he be? It doesn’t help him or the Cavs to publicize his injury. For those who are skeptical that this injury exists, we will direct your attention to what we think is the most significant piece of reporting on LeBron James that has been published in recent years. This item was published in Sports Illustrated’s 2006-2007 NBA Preview as a "Behind Enemy Lines" quote from an anonymous scout. Anonymous scout had this remarkable bit to say about LeBron:

“What amazes me most about LeBron James? The way he runs. Have you noticed that his toes turn out? Most good athletes are pigeon-toed; Michael Jordan is. I've never seen a guy with a duck walk run as fast as LeBron does.”

Anonymous scout is right. Look around for yourself. And you don’t need to look at the pros to see this. Look at your pals who are better than you at sports. Odds are that their toes tend toward pigeon rather than duck. Now look at the schlubbiest joe you know. Or a random schlub on the sidewalk. Big belly? Slouched shoulders? Humped back? Before you look down at his feet, we’ll bet you dollars to donuts that he’s duck-toed.

The reason for this, as any good yoga teacher will tell you, is that a gait that tends toward pigeon-toed-ness (toes pointing in) is indicative of proper alignment of the spine. The spine is the source of our limbs, and thus the source of our means to move. The spine is often “the first thing to go,” and when it does, pain and immobility follow. The same pain and immobility that is obviously plaguing LeBron James right now.

If you’re still skeptical, try the following experiment: Step 1): Stand up like you would normally stand, paying no attention to the alignment of your feet. Then plug the three points of each of your feet into the ground from the balls of your feet, your fifth metatarsal (the bone that sticks out of the outer sides of each foot), and your inner heel-bone. Once your feet are “plugged in,” straighten your legs as much as you can by pulling up on your quadriceps muscles, completely ironing out the backs of your knees while trying to send your upper inner thigh muscles straight back into the wall behind you. Do all of this without arching your lower back; i.e., try to keep your tailbone tucked underneath your body so that your pelvis remains perpendicular to the ground. Note carefully the effects of these movements on your lower back. These effects might be subtle and hard to notice at first, but if you pay careful attention, you will be able to tune in. Step 2): Repeat the above steps with your toes pointed further outward than they would be in your normal stance. You should feel your back tighten up, at least a little bit. Step 3): Now repeat the above steps with your feet aligned so that the outer edges of your foot are parallel. This will keep your toes pointed inward. You will feel a release in your lower back. Your lower back will be more mobile with your feet and legs in this position.

The above experiment shows that a duck-toed gait creates pressure on the lower back. Compound that pressure by years of running up and down a hardwood floor, and LeBron’s back problems should be no surprise to anyone. Fortunately for LeBron, and basketball fans everywhere, there is a cure for this problem. Yoga. We’ve said before that it never ceases to amaze us that athletes, pro or amateur, pay so much attention to their musculature and cardiovascular health, lifting weights and running while they do untold damage to their bones, joints, and ligaments -- the underlying structure that holds their musculature together. Yoga was invented thousands of years ago so that monks could sit up straight to meditate for longer periods of time. Every yoga “asana,” or pose, was invented so as to use the arms and legs (the “organs of action”) to create space and mobility in the spine. Unfortunately, the rapid development of western medicine has left yoga in the lurch. Another problem is that yoga has been commoditized and bastardized by certain hippies, preachers, and hucksters in such a way that its real benefits have been obscured from many. This is a shame because everyone could benefit from understanding these poses and how they help to keep us and our spines healthy without fancy medicine or painful and expensive physical therapy regimens. Some professional athletes have picked up on this, as have millions of Americans who have seen through the commoditization of yoga, and used it to untold benefit to their health and well being. We hope that LeBron can do the same during this off-season. We recommend Iyengar yoga as an uncommoditized/unbastardized school of yoga that is authentic and scientific in its approach.

As a reminder of how much can be accomplished in one off-season, now is as good a time as any to send out a hearty Cleveland Frowns shout to Cleveland’s own Cliff “Apesh*t” Lee, whose performance this season thus far has been nothing short of apesh*t. Last season, you might remember, Lee, a successful member of the Indians rotation for the better part of four major league seasons, simply could not get batters out. He was demoted to the minor leagues, and was left off of the Indians’ playoff roster. After an obviously productive off-season, he is pitching head and shoulders above every pitcher in baseball right now. 6 starts, 6 wins, 44.7 innings, 39 strikeouts, 2 (TWO!) walks, a 0.81 ERA, and a 0.60 WHIP. Apesh*t. Maybe LeBron can get some tips from Cliff on what to do during the offseason. It wouldn’t surprise us if Cliff learned some yoga in his downtime. He might not want to tell us because he might want it to be his secret weapon. With all the people out there who would like to have Cliff’s job, we can hardly blame him. There aren’t enough people as good at basketball to take LeBron’s job, even if they had this secret weapon, so LeBron wouldn’t have to keep it a secret.

A final note on the subject of the value of a good off-season, or at least the value of taking some periodic rest, we notice that our picks suffer when we don’t get enough rest ourselves. We’re afraid that we’ve stepped in a big pile of dung last weekend with our pick of the Jazz to beat the Lakers in the Western Conference semis. We believe in efficient markets, and the money involved in the Lakers being in the NBA Finals goes a long way in explaining how these whistles have blown in the first two games. We still think Utah is a better team than the Lakers. But they’re up against an insurmountable opponent. Nevertheless, we think that the David Stern Illuminati will call off the dogs tonight in Utah, and let them play tonight. Mr. Stern knows that a five game series never hurt anyone. We’ll go to the well for one last try with the Jazz Hands to get one in front of the home crowd tonight, after which we’ll expect Stern and the whistles to finish the job for the Lakers the rest of the way. The pick: Utah -4 against the Lakers. We’ll be back tomorrow to discuss the impending Celtics sweep.

LeBron Robbed; Kobe to Win MVP; Cleveland Frowns Throws Up Jazz Hands

So it looks like Kobe Bryant is our 2007-2008 NBA MVP. Kobe is our MVP even though LeBron joined Oscar Robertson and Michael Jordan this season to become the third man in NBA history to average at least 30 points, 7 rebounds, and 7 assists per game. This is so beyond dumb that it’s hard for us to get worked up about it. By every measure LeBron James is having a better season than Kobe, and I don’t think it can be questioned that the if the two players switched teams, the Lakers would be better, and the Cavs would be worse. (Would any Cavs fan trade LeBron for Kobe? No.) Anyone who wants to argue this point must explain why LeBron has elevated his Playoff game in each year of his career and was able to singlehandedly lead the Cavs to the NBA Finals last season, while Kobe has struggled to lead a stronger supporting cast to a .500 record for the last three seasons without making a peep in the playoffs. Kobe proponents point to the Lakers better record in a better conference. Kelly Dwyer, in two excellent posts at Yahoo Sports about why LeBron should be MVP, responds well to these dummies:

“[Kobe] shouldn't be handed an MVP just because Andrew Bynum can ball now and the Grizzlies decided to hand the Lakers Pau Gasol. Meanwhile, James is just destroying people in Cleveland. Pulling in more rebounds on a team that owns the boards even without him (there's not a lot of stray rebounds to go around) and racking up assists on a team that can't shoot straight (44.1 percent, 24th in the NBA).

And yet, those who still consider Bryant to be having the better season than LeBron have no issue overlooking the fact that Bryant scores less, shoots worse, rebounds worse, assists worse, and plays on a team that averages fewer possessions than James' team. To them, Kobe's better because ... well, he just is.

The, "LeBron plays in the East!" cry is getting a little old. LBJ averages 29.8 points, 47.4 percent shooting, 7.1 assists, and 7.9 rebounds against Western teams. When James plays, the Cavs are 16-11 against the West. Kobe averages 29.7 points, 48.8 percent shooting, 6.5 boards, and 5.4 assists (again, in games with more possessions) against the West -- awesome -- but for some reason lets his averages go to relative pot against the East. You'd think it'd be because of the Lakers blowing Eastern teams out, but Kobe actually averages more minutes per game against Eastern squads than against Western outfits, and contributes less. Weird.

Worse, James is going to get burned by voters who will credit him for MVPs likely won from 2009-2019 and hand it to Kobe just because he's playing "unselfish" basketball."

LeBron dominates while carrying a bad team on his back, putting up better stats than Kobe in all major categories. He's nearly averaging a triple double in the playoffs, while playing with a bad back. Kobe is less productive on a better team. Kobe’s award makes clear that the NBA MVP award has become a lifetime achievement award like the kind that they hand out at the Oscars or Grammys. Dumb dumb dumb.

The least we can do about this injustice is make a play on the Jazz to beat the Lakers in the Western Conference semifinals. We’re not crazy about Utah; we’re concerned with Carlos Boozer’s poor play against Houston in the first round (and with the fact that he is a traitor), we’re pretty sure that the Lakers have a deeper bench; and we know that the NBA is salivating over the prospect of a Lakers/Celtics NBA Finals. But even aside from Kobe’s stupid award, these Lakers just don’t appeal to our BrownsTown sensibilities. We think that Kobe’s MVP award might have the same effect on him that the Heisman trophy has on college players playing in big bowl games. Plus, Utah’s Deron Williams is dope, we’d take Mehmet Okur in a knife fight over anyone on the Lakers roster, and, perhaps most importantly, don’t f*ck with Jerry Sloan. Finally, this play goes well with yesterday’s series play on the Magic because the Jazz are 3 to 1 underdogs, which means that we’d come out substantially ahead even if these two plays split. All reason enough to wave our Jazz hands. The pick: Utah Jazz +300/100 over the Lakers to win the series.

Update: 5/4/08, 3:43 PM --

Soulja Boy Gets Over on King in Bullsh*t NBA Playoff Feud

By now many of you have seen this video or have heard Jay-Z’s new anti-DeShawn Stevenson diss track “Blow the Whistle.” While the video contains some excellent highlights - showing how thoroughly LeBron dominates the Wizards in the Playoffs - this track, and Jay-Zs involvement in this “bullsh*t NBA Playoff feud,” serves only to embarrass LeBron and (especially) Jay, and unnecessarily elevates the status of DeShawn “Soulja Boy” Stevenson. In sum, if you’re DeShawn Stevenson, you call LeBron “overrated,” LeBron responds, and Jay-Z makes a track about it, you’ve already won, no matter who wins the basketball games.

To illustrate how dumb this whole thing makes Jay and LeBron look, consider the track’s inconsistency with LeBron’s initial reaction to Stevenson’s comments:

“With DeShawn Stevenson it is kind of funny. [For LeBron to respond would be] like Jay-Z saying something bad about Soulja Boy. There’s no comparison. Enough said.”

Enough said. Right. Which is why, when your pal Jay-Z makes a track about it, you only demonstrate that Stevenson actually did get under your skin, giving him underdog status, and making him easier to root for.

To make this all much worse, the lyrics of the track are painfully dumb themselves. First, there’s:

“So big we ain’t gotta respond.” Yes Jay, you’ve certainly demonstrated that.

Then there’s: “Hatin’ is only gonna make him (LeBron) spend a night out of spite with the chick you’ve (Stevenson) been datin.”

Attaboy Jay. Way to make things easier on LeBron at home. Wonder what LeBron’s baby momma Savannah Brinson thinks about all of this, or with LeBron’s relationship with Jay generally. One thing is certain, Tim Duncan would never get himself wrapped up in this kind of bullsh*t. Tim Duncan has four championships.

Finally, there’s this from Jay, about himself: “Don’t compare me with nobody. I’d rather not be mentioned. I’m offended.”

First, it’s unclear who he’s addressing here because it was LeBron who first mentioned his name in this feud. Second, he’s obviously lying. If he truly didn’t want to be mentioned, he wouldn’t have cut this track. Jay is clearly enjoying himself here.

If anyone can find even one decent line in this track, please direct our attention to it in the comments.

We agree with Rob Harvilla of the Village Voice, who, in this excellently titled piece, explains that “Jay-Z is probably siding with LeBron here because he aims to woo the guy from Cleveland to Brooklyn in a couple years, just in time to join the relocated Nets, who will play in a fancy new arena.” We know that LeBron looks up to Jay-Z as a mentor. This episode should cause LeBron to question that relationship. What kind of mentor, out of obvious self interest, inserts himself into and escalates a silly dispute in which his mentee is involved, embarrassing himself and his mentee in the process? If anything, this whole episode should show LeBron that it would be a bad move for him to leave the Cavs to become further wrapped up in bullsh*t like this. To show how desperate Jay is here, consider the inconsistency of this episode with his own earlier, wiser words, from one of the greatest hip-hop diss tracks of all time, The Takeover:

“A wise man told me don’t argue with fools. Cause people from a distance can’t tell who is who.”

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves, Jay.

PS: We really hope the Cavs can get it done tonight. It looks like the Hawks are going to battle the Celtics, and it would be great if our guys could get some rest in the meantime. The Celtics are led by veterans, so a longer series with the Hawks should take an extra toll on them physically. Also, the Hawks are an incredibly fun team to watch. Josh Smith looks like a superstar, he’s from Atlanta, and the hometown crowd is eating it up. LeBron, take note. There’s no love like home town love.

PPS: There are good times are to be had in the comments at the Village Voice piece. A major award goes to anyone who can locate this “King of Crakron” dude and get him to start commenting over here. “Reppin the 330 to the 216, Crakron to Thieveland.” Word.

Update: From Dan Steinberg at the Washington Post -- DeShawn's doing an excellent job playing up his newfound underdog/thug status (excellent links in this post). Didn't Jay learn anything in his beef with Jim Jones? LeBron's involvement in this nonsense is enough to make us want to take the Wizards and the points tonight (even though we're rooting for the Cavs). Check back later for a pick.

Update -- 5:17 PM: So yeah, we're going to pick the Wizards +5 in this one. We want the Cavs to win, but with silly self-made distractions like this stupid Jay-Z track, LeBron and the Cavs have made it harder on themselves. And we're sure that Jay wouldn't have released this track without checking with LeBron first. As such, Bron himself has had a hand in Jay-Z publicly contradicting one of his own better works of art. Friends don't let friends. This couldn't be anything that the basketball Goddz look upon with any favor. This also isn't anything that dumb bettors would be wise to (75% are going with the Cavs). We'd love to go Cavs here, but our moral profile won't let us. We'll be rooting for the home team, but this play will take some of the sting out if they lose. The Pick: Wizards +5 over the Cavs.

Update -- 5/1/08, 5:27 PM: DeShawn Stevenson's swagger was undeniable last night in the Wizards win. He had 17 points and 5 rebounds, and threw himself all over the court. He ripped his jersey off after the win and threw it in to the stands at the Q. Hope that this wears off by tomorrow's game.

Salty Saturday

The weather has been beautiful this week and we’re still salty. The curse of Chief Wahoo is really wrecking sh*t these days.

The Tribe is now 5-9 after dropping two straight to Boston in the ninth inning. Oh, by the way, hope you didn’t want to see Boston play in Cleveland any more this season, because after that two game series this week, they won’t be back 2009. That’s right. Our old American League rival, and last year’s opponent in the ALCS only plays in Cleveland twice this season, in April. The outdoor temperature in these games ranged from between 25 and 50 degrees. The San Diego Padres play more games in Cleveland this year than the Red Sox do. So FOX can make more money on Red Sox/Yankees and Yankees/Mets? Retarded. Oh, and hope you’re not busy next weekend if you wanted to catch the Yankees this year. They won’t be back until next season either. Retarded. Just like our retarded muscle-bound closer who finally figured out that his triceps hurt after Manny took him deep in the ninth on Monday. You pitch baseballs for a living. You are wrecking your bones, joints, and ligaments by lifting weights and that is why you can’t throw. Dummy. We will ask again. Who the f*ck is training these guys?

On to the Cavs, who are in even worse shape, as they head into a postseason that has disaster written all over it. The options appear to be twofold: First there is the potential epic embarrassment of going down to the Wizards who will be bloodthirsty for revenge after being bounced from the playoffs by Cavs in each of the last two seasons. With LeBron’s bad back, the Wizards’ chances are better than ever. The thought of Deshawn “Soulja Boy” Stevenson getting over on the King makes us cringe. What’s worse is that LeBron is likely to do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening, and is liable to cause serious long term damage in the process. We said before LeBron’s back injury surfaced, that his duck-toed gait was a recipe for future long term back problems. These back issues are likely much more serious than LeBron realizes.

And the Browns have three Monday night games next season. This is bullsh*t. Football is for Sundays. Monday nights are for sleeping. Sometimes the Monday night games last until 1am. That f*cks up the whole week. And the Monday night announcers suck.

Finally, and worst of all, it looks like the Curse of Wahoo has spread to New York, probably due to our affiliation with Shea Hey. Has anything sadder than this happened at a ballpark recently? Ever? F*ck.

We’re going to the game tonight so we'll make a pick. Since Sabathia is pitching tonight, we’re taking the over. 87% of the bettors at Sportsbook.com like the under. These dummies obviously don’t understand what a mess big CC is this year. We do. The pick: Indians and Tigers OVER 9.5.


Also, if you think we care that it's not Saturday you are dumber than Borowski.

Home Cookin'

Golden Flashes. Damn... Can’t win ‘em all.

But you can win two out of three. In fact, two out of three is the goal. If the sucker bets didn’t win some of the time, the suckers’ money wouldn’t be there the rest of the time. It’s what makes the world go round, as they say. Or what makes the universe not collapse on itself…

But damn…Kent State. Bummer. So you see why we had planned to wait until Round 2 before we made some picks. But we couldn’t resist supporting a run with the local boys. And we’re not afraid to do it again tonight.

Tonight LeBron is all but assured of becoming the Cavaliers’ all time leading scorer – all but assured of passing the great Brad Daugherty – in front of the home crowd…his home crowd…on a most special Friday night. And it can never be more special for LeBron anywhere else but here in Cleveland. Here in Northeast Ohio, where he was born, where he is home, and where he was homeless – where he lived in his mother’s car. Where basketball meant as much to him than it could have possibly meant to anyone else. From his mother’s car, to Akron St. Vincent/St. Mary, to the ping-pong balls bouncing……just so that he would end up playing for the city and the people who could, would, and do love him the most.

And that’s why he would be a fool to leave.

Because no matter where he goes, no matter how much money Nike, Jay-Z, or anyone else promises to pay him, he will never mean more, could never mean more, than he does mean, and could mean to the people in Northeast Ohio. That means that no one could ever mean more to LeBron than we can.

And rest assured that, win or lose, the crowd at the Q will let LeBron know what he means to them tonight, and he will return the favor.

So we’ll pick the Cavs -5 tonight against the Raptors. Not because we think it’s an especially Savvy play, but because we think it’s a special one. Tonight should be one of those nights, another special chapter in what could and should be a long line of them.

So yeah, we’re picking the Cavs because we want them to win. We want to live in a world where LeBron blows us away tonight. We want to live in a world where LeBron stays a Cavalier. We want to live in a world where LeBron has no intention of leaving the Cavs, but pretends that he does so that he can sell New Yorkers some silly Yankee shoes. And if that’s not the world that we live in? It’s disposable income – we don’t pick to work, we pick to play.

Enjoy the NCAAs today folks. Our attention is on the pros tonight in Cleveland.

Check back tomorrow for Round 2 NCAA picks.

MAC Tournament Special: LeBron, Akron's 2007 Postseason Tournament Snub, And a Pot of Golden Flashes at the End of the Rainbow

The University of Akron Zips men’s basketball program suffered a series of crushing blows at the end of last season. First, the Zips lost their chance at an automatic NCAA Tournament bid by losing to Miami of Ohio in the MAC Tournament’s championship game on a “desperation three-point bank shot” that was controversial due to a late start of the game clock on the final play. The NCAA selection committee then declined to give the Zips an at large bid to the Tourney. Finally, and shockingly, the Zips, after finishing 26-7, were left out of the 32 team NIT Tournament field.

The Zips were shocked and devastated by the NIT snub. “I just don't know how I can look my kids in the eye and explain this," said Zips Coach Keith Dambrot. "Really, what did we do wrong?" Terry Pluto wrote in the 3/21/07 Beacon Journal that Zips athletic director Mack Rhoades was so stunned by the news that he lost his voice.

The NIT explained that Akron didn’t make the cut due to its weak schedule. Others say that it was because larger schools from the bigger conferences attract better television ratings. But there is another explanation that surprisingly has not been discussed, either by the media, or by representatives of the Zips -- that is, their affiliation with LeBron James.

The Zips were led last season by MAC Player of the Year Romeo Travis, and point guard Dru Joyce III, both former teammates of LeBron at Akron’s St. Vincent/St. Mary High School. Both players have remained good friends with LeBron, and neither would be mentioned in a national telecast without mention of their LeBron connection. Coach Dambrot coached LeBron at St. V, and would have been glad if the TV announcers would have mentioned LeBron’s Zips connection. In his words: "Having the best player in the NBA around has been the great equalizer for us . . . He's been wonderful for our program. At [LeBron’s youth] camps, the kids always ask him where he would have gone to college. If I'm in the gym, he'll always look over at me, smile, and say, 'Akron.' I'm definitely not shy about selling our association to LeBron to recruits. I'd love to put a big poster up of him up in the lobby."

But LeBron is the LAST person the NCAA wants people to think about when they watch college basketball games. The best college players leave for the NBA after one season, and the exodus of talent has undoubtedly damaged the college game. The NCAA, which not coincidentally took on oversight of the NIT selection process last season, does not want fans to be reminded of this damage, or to raise any questions about the value of the monopoly that it has on the careers of basketball and football players of a certain age who, NCAA rules aside, could otherwise be using their talents to provide for their families – like LeBron did. (Note, this same monopoly was a substantial contributing factor to the destruction of Maurice Clarett's life.)

That the folks at Akron either were unaware of the potential effect of the LeBron connection on their postseason tournament chances, or thought it was a good idea not to discuss the issue after the fact, is reason enough to take the Kent State Golden Flashes -2 in tonight’s MAC Championship Game. Folks betting on Akron redemption after last season’s well-publicized “injustice” have surely influenced the line, making Kent a smaller favorite than they otherwise would be. Akron’s seeming failure to recognize or publicly acknowledge an important aspect of the nature of the injustice that it suffered leads me to believe that redemption is less likely to be forthcoming. The Pick: Kent State -2.

Remember the Jordanaires

With the 2008 NBA trade deadline approaching, the Cavaliers front office faces increased pressure to make a deal from sources that seem to have no regard for whether that deal will improve the franchise’s health in the long term. For instance, Phil Taylor in this week’s Sports Illustrated wrote of the front office’s “sluggishness . . . in failing to upgrade the roster over the summer.” Worse, ESPN.com ran an absurdly pointless piece on the Cavs reaction to this week’s Shaq trade, the purpose of the article apparently being to let us know that LeBron James and the Cavs would like to add another star player to their roster. We’re left to wonder how this desire to add a star makes the Cavs different from any other NBA contender.

Much of this nonsense is due to the national media’s burning desire to see LeBron leave Cleveland. These outlets constantly watch for fodder for the storyline that LeBron would be better off elsewhere, and it’s easy to understand why they are quick to run unsupported pieces to reinforce this theme. To the extent that pressure on the front office comes from Cleveland fans, we can chalk it up to impatience and paranoia -- also understandable. Fortunately for Cavs fans, this pressure is unwarranted.

Evaluating the Cavs decision to stand pat with their roster requires a look at the deals that were/are available to them. At best, the Cavs would have to trade Daniel Gibson, Drew Gooden, Ira Newble (with his expiring contract) and perhaps even Larry Hughes to even have a chance to pick up one of two veteran guards, Jason Kidd (in his 15th year as a pro) or Mike Bibby (a 10 year pro), to fill the hole at the point guard position. Leaving aside the question of whether either the Nets or Kings would be willing to make a deal like this, it is unclear that dealing a pile of young and (with the exception of Hughes) inexpensive talent for an aged veteran would make the Cavs better off in the long run. If LeBron and the Cavs are to meet our lofty expectations, i.e., win multiple championships in Cleveland past 2010 (when LeBron’s current contract expires), it will take more than adding Jason Kidd or Mike Bibby in 2008.

The decision to sit tight now must also be judged in view of the next two offseasons, when $35 million of contracts set to expire in 2008-09 will have the Cavaliers in excellent position to strengthen their roster. By this time, the Cavaliers will have had at least one more year to come together as a team, and the organization will have a better idea of the value of the pieces that they have in place. Remember that Michael Jordan did not win a Championship until his seventh season in the NBA. His teammates, like LeBron’s today, were widely considered a fatally inferior supporting cast, and were dubbed “The Jordanaires.” This disparaged group is nearly the exact same supporting cast that was good enough to help Jordan and the Bulls win three consecutive NBA titles from 1991-94.

With over $35 million in contracts set to expire between now and 2009, the Cavs won’t have to rely on their current supporting cast to win a Championship between now and 2010, but it’s far from an impossibility. LeBron is, like Jordan, a singular talent who makes all of his teammates better, and has already shown a marked improvement in his game from last season when he dominated the Eastern Conference Championship. As LeBron and his teammates continue to improve, the NBA Playoffs in Cleveland will continue to be interesting. With the potential for an explosive roster upgrade between now and 2009, the Cavaliers patience in 2007 and 2008 is entirely reasonable.