Euro Footy 2008 Championship: A Tie for a Better Way

Coachie Ballgames has left us high and dry without a pick for today's Euro Footy Championship match between Germany and Spain. We can't let such an illustrious event pass without a pick, so it looks like we're going to have to fend for ourselves. Thankfully, we've found an angle that we can get behind.

Ballgames once wrote a fine post suggesting that goals are harder to score in soccer championship games, and that these games often end in a tie which is resolved by a shootout. He tells us that: "the average amount of goals scored at the World Cup has been falling steadily with every Cup, with the most recent Cup, in 2006 , averaging only 2.3 goals a game. The numbers fall dramatically for finals, with only 1.6 goals per game for every World Cup Final since 1990."

The weird thing about betting on these games is that, as Sportsbook tells us, "ALL SOCCER BETS WILL BE SETTLED AFTER 90 MINUTES OF PLAY." We're not sure why this rule is in place -- why they won't let us bet on who will actually be the champion, but at least they're sporting enough to give us the option to bet the tie. And this is the way for us to go today. We have no particular affinity for either of these teams (though we are glad to see that Mr. Big from Sex and the City has found something to do now that the show's run is over). If important soccer championships continue to be settled by shootout, which, as we agree with many, is a wholly unsatisfying way to end a match of such a beautiful game, perhaps we might sooner see these games resolved in a more appropriate manner. We like the idea that Coachie B. mentioned in the top linked post of taking one player off the field after every few minutes of overtime. P-P-P-Power Play! So we'll pull for the sister-kisser today. The Pick: Germany and Spain to TIE in regulation.

Euro 2008 Final Four: Red Fawn

Coachie Ballgames from Shea Hey! is back with what is hopefully another savvy soccer selection.

Hey there Frownie Faithful, it's time for more footy!!! (emerges to chorus of "booooooos", dodges rotten tomatoes, cream pies, Swenson burgers)

About last afternoon: The greatest game that no one ever saw? ESPN lost their feed of the Germany-Turkey game for large chunks of the second half, missing a goal for each team along the way. They came back in time for the perfectly executed winning goal by Phillipp Lahm in the 90th minute, then lost the feed again and pathetically had to ride out the rest of the game relying on watching the crowds on the streets surrounding the stadium to gauge their reaction of when the game ended. Turns out that UEFA mandated one TV feed for the entire world, so one storm ensured that the whole globe shared in the misery of missing out on the thrilling back-and-forth battle. Of course, I'm never against more screen time with Julie Foudy, but shouldn't/couldn't Espn have cut to a radio feed, as other countries did, rather than the studio where they had little idea of what was going on in the game?

And a terrific game it was. I’m thrilled to have been wrong about the under because it meant we saw that footy rarity, a free-flowing game in a major tournament semi-final. Turkey, with its severely depleted roster, had two choices, play everyone back in the box like the Italians and hope to score on a fluke or set piece, or throw caution to the wind and attack like Turkish prosecutors pursuing criminal charges of "insulting Turkishness" against Nobel Prize winning novelist Orhan Pamuk. They chose the latter, often outplaying the tentative Germans and enjoying the better of possession and decent chances on goal.

Today, ESPN has another chance with this delicious Eastern Front rematch, Spain against the CCCP (the Soyuz Sovetskikh Sotsialisticheskikh Respublik, or Union of Soviet Socialist Republics for you non Cyrillic folk, or volk). Of course, a lot has changed since WWII, or the Great Patriotic War, as our Ruskie pals call it. These changes are neatly summed up for us in this little ditty,

"Russian girls are dancing queens, with new wave hair, and Russian jeans! In the Soviet Union new day is coooming, and there will be no more fiiighting!!!" (The first person who can identify the source of this ditty will be awarded a Major Award. We know it exists, we just don't know where it's from. Email clevelandfrowns@gmail.com with any such info.)

Footy fans world wide are the most frontrunner fans of all the sports. This stems partly from the fact that with so many countries and clubs competing just to qualify for the major tournaments, the odds of your team being in it are slim. Another reason is that footy, and I stress this again and again, is such a defensively-skewed game that fans go ape-shit whenever that rare attacking team comes along. That is why Holland and Brasil are often referred to as everyone's second-favorite team, and that is why everyone is suddenly fawning over a previously unheralded (they did lose 3-0 to a sorry England side in qualifying) Russian team that simply eviscerated the high-flying Dutch in their quarterfinal game.

I saw Russian sensation Andrei Arshavin star for Zenit St. Petersburg in their Uefa Cup Final win against Rangers this past May but in no way did I think he feature this prominently for the Ruskies this summer. Without him they lost 4-1 to Spain in their opening game, with him this semi-final today takes on a completely different tenor. This team is young, rosy-cheeked, and they can flat-out fly like the henchman Clarence Boddicker throws out of their getaway van in "Robocop." "Can you fly, Bobby?"




Wait, where was I? Ahh yes, everybody is touting this Russia team to upset Spain, and as I've said, I'm no professional picker, I'm just your average chump, so who am I to buck the fervor, to go against the madding crowd?

Russia 2, Spain 1, commies over fascists, blintzes over tapas, vodka over sangria, Yakov Smirnoff over that bumbling Spanish bellboy from "Fawlty Towers." Das Vidanya!

And if you agree with my pick, then let's all say it together…."I'd buy that for a dollar!!!"




Ed’s Note: We’ll buy it for a dollar. The Pick: Mother Russia over Spain at 3.40-1.

Time for Footy: Euro 2008 -- A Journey into Savvy Soccer Selections

Guest Post by Coachie Ballgames of Shea Hey!

Hi there Frownie Faithful! It's your boy Coachie Ballgames checking in with the hot footy action you've all been craving.

What's that you say? Euro Footy not so popular in America's heartland? What about the long-lost Cleveland Stokers of the old NASL? What about the manly Crew getting it done in C-Bus as we speak? What about the literally hundreds of fans packing Cleveland State's Krenzler's Field to see their beloved City Stars in action?

Ok, enough already, Frowns didn't invite me over here to discuss the state of Ohio footy but rather to share my thoughts of action on this week's euro footy action.

Today's game pits Germany against Turkey, or Deutschland against Turkiye as they would prefer to be called, in the inaugural Mass-Murderers Bowl. The latest odds show the Germans at 4/9 to win, Turkey the decided underdogs at 7/1 whilst impartial observers may want to take the tie at 3/1 (games that end in a shootout are officially considered a draw). Your over/under, as usual is 2.5, for it is such a fine line between two and three goals being scored in a game.

Turkey will be missing as many as nine players through suspension and injury and could arrive at the stadium today with just 13 available outfield players. Meanwhile, Germany's best players, Michael Ballack, Lukas Podolski, Bastian Schweinsteiger, and Jens Lehmann are flying as high as the Luftwaffe.

Turkey's lack of squad depth implies that they will play back in the box, as Italy did against Spain under similar circumstances. One of the more astounding stats about Turkey's run thus far is that they have played 390 minutes of football and have had the lead for all of 9 minutes of them. Germany will have a tough time finding space for their impressive wingers, and without the size advantage they enjoyed against Portugal, will not find things as easy on set pieces from which they have scored three goals thus far this tourney.

Moreover, games, and "squeaky bums" as Sir Alex Ferguson puts it, get tighter in the final stages of a tournament. So take the under and run for cover. Maybe the Pros are right in thinking of O/U action as minor or ancillary to proper picking in other sports, but the O/U seems perfect for footy because goals are so rare.

As for the winner, we'll take a page from Frowns’ book and look at the x-factors. Both countries spent time during the first half of the 20th century attempting to annihilate an entire group of people. The Germans went about their attempt in typically well-organized and complex-engineered German fashion, while the Turks went about theirs, typically, brutally and haphazardly.

Thankfully, the Germans were made to pay the price, through the prosecution and punishment of the masterminds, through reparations, through education and proper teaching of its history, and in the great pains the country and its people have made to make amends. Turkey, however, was never made to pay any price and has gone to great lengths, more than 90 years later, to completely disavow that anything remotely wrong ever took place. Proving George Santayana right, Turkey has moved on to f*cking with the Kurds in its eastern territories.

Turkey's membership in the European Union has been held up over its human rights record and concern over its growing anti-secularism. Instead of addressing its past and solving its current problems, Turkey has chosen instead to put lipstick on a pig by attempting to cast a new image for itself in the west. To that end, they’ve adopted new alternate footy jerseys of white and turquoise and have embarked on a campaign to have their country referred to as Turkiye, as they call their own land, instead of Turkey, because of that word's perceived negative relation to that lean, dry, but tasty 1/3 of a Terducken in English. Understandable goal, but seems like they’re putting the cart before the horse.

Let's roll with the repentant Germans over the obdurate Turks at 1-nil.

Ed’s note: We appreciate that obduracy has its place in certain instances, but this pick sounds good to us. The Pick: We’ll go with the Germans to win at 4-9.

Check back for a preview of tomorrow’s Spain/Russia match, and check out Shea Hey! for regular reports on The Beautiful Game.